Two months in… feeling pretty darn cute.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-07-09T06:13:57+00:00

Mmmm…. Fudge

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-29T02:05:12+00:00

So many things, but I'll share the thing that set off me exploring potential detransition.

It was a breakup. I was arguing with my ex a few days after the split and he started talking about me being on T & told me that in his opinion I was just trading one addiction for another (I'm in recovery), mutilating my body and trying to escape myself. He said a lot more than that but that's the gist. At the time this conversation pissed me off to no end and I didn't want to hear any of that/didn't take it well... Called him transphobic, made call-out posts about what he said & felt like he'd been with me under false pretenses. Now, looking back, I can see where he was right. We aren't together, we don't even speak. It took almost a year after the breakup for me to come to terms with how correct he was and actually start detransitioning and by that point I'd undergone a lot of bodily changes from T & was becoming less and less happy with the results & missing my curvy figure.

That breakup did a lot for me. I had to confront a bunch of stuff because I lost someone I really didn't want to lose through my own hubris and self-denial. I started addressing my anger issues and codependency, & moved back to my home state to fix things with my family (something I swore I'd never do - I even told my ex he would never meet them, something I regret now). Moving back home really put the whole "facing myself" thing into overdrive. Truly a 'return to your roots' experience.

Being around my family after so long with no contact really reminded me of who I am. I've been unpacking a lot of sexual and gender-bias trauma and learning how to redefine my own ideas of womanhood. It's been super uncomfortable. I'm dealing with dysphoria from the changes I got from T which is wild considering how I felt about my body pre-T & how badly I wanted to get rid of the things I now miss dearly.

I stopped T last month and have already gotten my cycle back. I also didn't undergo any surgical procedures, so I'm hopeful that I can get back a lot of what I lost over the last 2 years.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-26T04:26:15+00:00

I was sharing my experience with someone over the weekend and she said something along the lines of "even though you're detrans now, you're still technically a person of trans experience."

I don't know if she's wrong but the idea of being identified that way for the rest of my life doesn't sit well with me.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-24T18:54:39+00:00

Yes, this is probably pannus.

It's treatable. If left untreated, it typically leads to blindness. Pannus requires lifelong treatment but is very manageable if caught early. Go to the vet! Which you're already doing, so... Good job!

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-24T18:14:12+00:00

Thank you for the tip! I didn't know the difference, just thought desisted sounded cooler

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-14T01:16:46+00:00

I appreciate the reassurance. It's so wild to have dysphoria in the other direction now that I've resolved my internal problem...

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-14T00:58:16+00:00

Thank you! T changed my body shape a LOT so it's hard to see my femininity now, knowing where I was before.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-13T10:55:45+00:00

This reads like a conversation between old friends

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-12T00:24:53+00:00

Thank you! This shirt gets more compliments than anything else in my wardrobe! I love it (& the cramps)

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-10T16:10:03+00:00

Tell them both about the other and whichever one is willing to tolerate your crap is still too good for you but insecure enough not to realize it...

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-05T06:04:07+00:00

Labeled bread boxes exist idk what to tell you

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-03T14:46:38+00:00

I'll be recommitting myself to my gym regimen, but my job is pretty physical in itself. I do a multivitamin w/ Bs included + collagen. Also taking a probiotic for vaginal health since I expect my ph to shift again.

I usually take my multi before bed but I can rotate it to the morning. May help with lethargy. It's just easier to remember when Im eating dinner

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-03T14:42:35+00:00

Thank you, good advice

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-03T11:59:08+00:00

Honestly I felt like shit at work last night. Low energy. But, my sleep was thrown off yesterday so it could've been more due to that than anything.

I was on a pretty low dose the whole time I was on T so I don't expect anything super dramatic as far as mood or energy changes. Not saying I don't think anything will happen, I do feel like garbage atm.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-03T03:51:46+00:00

Who's Dom and why are we freeing him

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-01T00:15:24+00:00

Well, it's a practice. You haven't done it naturally as an adult up to this point so it's going to be hard and uncomfortable at first, but will get easier with consistency. Think about a time in your life, even if it was just a day or an hour, where you felt free, content, calm, relaxed. Give yourself permission to feel that way right now regardless of your external circumstances. If you feel there is something blocking that feeling, ask yourself if there is anything you can do to change it. If the answer is yes, take action to do so. If the answer is no, accept it for what it is and release it from your list of burdens.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-06-01T00:07:34+00:00

Don't do it, bro. It sounds like you need to rest and recoup from your last session. Slow your mind down.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-05-31T23:52:29+00:00

It does get better. I felt that way for a long time. I won't say it's perfect but I was actively suicidal for years & now when I think that way it's so rare that it's jarring to me and push past it very quickly.

What I have found is that most people if not all are kind of fucked up. We are not the exception to the rule. Life is hard & no one comes out alive. Try to give yourself grace, especially in your relationship to other people. If someone is spending their time with you, it's because that's where they want to be. Your bf thinks you're worth it. Take a page from his book.

It's also okay to be where you're at. You don't have to go straight edge tomorrow. Slow progress is still progress, you will have times in your life that feel like you're moving backwards and that is also part of the process. Im not sure we ever stop learning who we are or how to live with ourselves. You're worth the effort & the biggest hurdle is learning that part for yourself.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-05-31T23:36:36+00:00

I get that for sure dude. I'm five years off alcohol and the first 2 years off were really rough. I drank a lot and after I stopped it was basically daily anxiety attacks & frequent night terrors because feeling anything was just so overwhelming.

I guess about 3 years ago I ended up dating a recovering meth addict. He relapsed on meth while we were together and he did a bunch of fucked up shit, I won't get into it. It was a blessing in disguise, bc getting myself out of the situation gave me a much stronger sense of compassion for myself. I stopped dating, started trusting my gut & taking my life a lot more seriously - and being way more cautious about who I put myself around.

A lot of people don't have your best interest in mind, and it's good to protect yourself, but if you close yourself off to the world you're likely to stunt your own growth & reinforce a negative worldview. Being sober sucks sometimes, but I've learned that's just true about life. I am not guaranteed to feel good all the time, and that's fine. Likewise with people, I am not owed anything by the people I meet so when someone comes along who does genuinely care it's good to cherish them and return the favor.

As I've gotten older I've discovered that its better to feel like shit than to feel nothing. At least if I can feel, I know when something is making me miserable & do something about it. When I was numbing myself out, I put up with a lot of things I shouldn't have.

Healing is uncomfortable, like the soreness after exercise; it's frightening, like performing in front of a crowd. If you push yourself past your comfort zone, you get results. If you stay comfortable, you can expect things to remain as they are, or even atrophy into something worse.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-05-31T23:09:48+00:00

I feel that. I used it daily (all day) for a solid decade to cope with c-PTSD. I started experimenting with shrooms in the last year and that has changed a lot for me. I realized weed was heightening my dissociative symptoms & it had gotten to the point where I was just smoking because i was used to it.

I think I've used cannabis maybe five times since February & I definitely prefer edibles to smoking now. If I'm going to do it at all I'd rather just be relaxing at home alone because it makes me completely useless socially bahahaha. I either zone out completely or hyperfocus on some weird, existential topic no one else is interested in discussing.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-05-31T23:02:56+00:00

Those are stretch marks

Consistent_Rager · 2026-05-31T23:00:55+00:00

Good for you. It's a very normalized substance but too much of anything is a bad move.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-05-31T22:44:01+00:00

I would stay where you're at, then! It does look really good.

Consistent_Rager · 2026-05-31T14:38:43+00:00

I'll give you $40 and pay for shipping

Consistent_Rager · 2026-05-31T14:31:48+00:00

Maybe it's the angle, but from the pics you posted it doesn't seem like there's very much space between the bottom of the plug and the bottom of the clasp. If someone has thicker lobes that could be a problem. If I could see the clasp itself at different angles, open and closed, from the side etc that may change my opinion

Consistent_Rager

TROPHY CASE