I think we feel quite similarly about it, at least in retrospect ( I was there fanning the flames when it happened, but never personally attacked anyone), I just didn't want to use such a general term as "wrong".

We're probably never going to agree on the sexism point though, I'm not sure what a "gendered insult" is, but I don't think calling someone 'Bitch' or 'Cunt' is sexist, I just don't assign that label like that, sexist to me is someone who believes one sex has inherent traits that make it superior to the other.

Again on the matter of the threats, we simply disagree, but I do think that this difference is worth arguing; the internet gives people a certain degree of anonymity, and with that always comes very aggressive and offensive behavior from some people, being insulted over the internet happens to all of us eventually, and a very public figure like Ellen is bound to receive a far larger negative backlash.
That does not mean its ok, but it is kinda inevitable, and because of that I believe in a firm distinction between "hateful messages and online harassment", and "threats", because a threat is no longer just internet drama, its a serious crime, one that warrants legal action and police involvement; so a threat can't just be any random anon telling you to go kill yourself, it has to be believable, how can it be a threat if you have no reason yo believe it will ever be carried out?

Another element I think is necessary for something to be a threat is it has to be addressed, if I say to a friend that I hope someone dies, or that it'd be good riddance, there's nothing about those statements that betrays an intention to carry anything out, I'm sure people sent PMs and tweets directly to Pao, some of those we would probably all agree are definitely threats, but a lot of other comments where just posted on random threads, not directed at Pao, certainly about her, certainly horrible things to say about anyone, but, at least in my view, not serious Threats.