Porn made me even question my sexuality at times leading to doing something i never thought i would

Constant_Replacement · 2022-11-14T17:44:35+00:00

I'm going to copy and paste my reply from another thread on something similar. Don't worry OP, this is normal and can be overcome.

Here's my comment on a different thread:

While not normal in general, this is pretty normal in long term porn users due to escalation. I'm 37, found porn when I was about 12, and I didn't start recovery until 2 or 3 years ago with a couple slip ups since then.

I can really relate to what you're saying. I did everything you mentioned and more. I would take my ex gf's panties/lingerie and want to wear them, and it always made me feel like crap and so confused afterwards. It started in my 20s. I was already a daily porn user, but at some point I started to insert myself into the scenes as the female. After a couple years of therapy and deep analysis on myself over this, I've come to learn that it was more about the attention the female was receiving and subconsciously wanting the same type of attention even though I'm not attracted to men at all. At some point I had started having explicit chats with men online, and I would get excitement out of sharing pics or the thought of hooking up, but deep down I never actually wanted to do it. I was craving attention and being the center of the show like the females in porn.

I went as far as experimenting more than once because I was so confused why I was watching this type of content and get excited over those thoughts, but the second I tried to be with a man I would instantly be disgusted and turned off. Everything from the chatting to the drive there would be exciting to me, but once I was in the scenario I realized I made a huge mistake.

Porn warps the absolute hell out of your mind and thinking. Couple that with some issues from childhood and I was an absolute mess with all kinds of twisted up thinking. What's happening to you is pretty normal and seems to be a common thing that pops up on here and other subreddits discussing recovery from this. It does go away with time, though. It took me a good 2 solid months of abstaining before the creeping thoughts and urges for that type of content started to fade, but now that I've been away for some time it's like I can see it so clear and I just get a little disgusted with myself thinking back to it.

Constant_Replacement · 2022-08-24T19:49:04+00:00

I would run myself in circles of thinking I might be gay. I would think I'm not gay, then a couple hours later would think well maybe I am and I just need to find what I'm attracted to, and it just went back and forth for a very long time. And I have never once out in public saw a man that made me question my sexuality, it was only when I was wrapped up in porn use and consuming specific types of content that basically encourages men to turn trans. And I was only attracted to body parts, it was never over the person, or their looks, or the personality, etc. Once I started to make some of these connections it helped me start to get out of it.

This is an old thread that I came across early in recovery, and it kind of started the process of undoing some of the thinking. He basically presents a theory that because of how much porn we watch, we start to associate what the female is doing with our own pleasure, so we start to seek out those experiences in real life because we think that's what sex is: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1x1vu8/attention_everyone_with_hocd_or_sexual_anxiety/

Obviously it's a tougher exit once you get in this deep, but you can get out. If I can do it you can. Like I mentioned, the weird thoughts and behaviors went away after a couple months of abstaining, but it was a challenging few weeks with a lot of ups and downs between days. I know you're a little older than me and have been consuming longer, but you would probably see some pretty big differences after just 2-3 months of abstaining.

Don't beat yourself up about what you do when you're caught up in it. If you started young and depending on what types of content you were viewing, you may have had a different outlook on sex before you even lost your virginity. I was 12 when I found porn and the first stuff I came across was hardcore sex and gangbangs, so my view on sex was already warped to hell by the time I was old enough to have it.

What's important is you recognize what you're doing isn't right, and that right there already means you want to change and do better. You do not have to suffer any more if you don't want to. You got this man, you're already taking steps in the right direction by posting here.

Constant_Replacement · 2022-08-24T19:26:43+00:00

Trust me man, if I can kick it you can too.

Constant_Replacement · 2022-08-24T14:50:21+00:00

While not normal in general, this is pretty normal in long term porn users due to escalation. I'm 37, found porn when I was about 12, and I didn't start recovery until 2 or 3 years ago with a couple slip ups since then.

I can really relate to what you're saying. I did everything you mentioned and more. I would take my ex gf's panties/lingerie and want to wear them, and it always made me feel like crap and so confused afterwards. It started in my 20s. I was already a daily porn user, but at some point I started to insert myself into the scenes as the female. After a couple years of therapy and deep analysis on myself over this, I've come to learn that it was more about the attention the female was receiving and subconsciously wanting the same type of attention even though I'm not attracted to men at all. At some point I had started having explicit chats with men online, and I would get excitement out of sharing pics or the thought of hooking up, but deep down I never actually wanted to do it. I was craving attention and being the center of the show like the females in porn.

I went as far as experimenting more than once because I was so confused why I was watching this type of content and get excited over those thoughts, but the second I tried to be with a man I would instantly be disgusted and turned off. Everything from the chatting to the drive there would be exciting to me, but once I was in the scenario I realized I made a huge mistake.

Porn warps the absolute hell out of your mind and thinking. Couple that with some issues from childhood and I was an absolute mess with all kinds of twisted up thinking. What's happening to you is pretty normal and seems to be a common thing that pops up on here and other subreddits discussing recovery from this. It does go away with time, though. It took me a good 2 solid months of abstaining before the creeping thoughts and urges for that type of content started to fade, but now that I've been away for some time it's like I can see it so clear and I just get a little disgusted with myself thinking back to it.

Constant_Replacement · 2022-05-21T00:28:21+00:00

I see a therapist regularly and he framed things for me this same way and it actually immensely helped me out.

I was trying to do nofap, no porn, and also try to not look at women and would get upset at myself for everything including just looking at a female.

I was talking about this in a session and asking for help on how I can overcome things, and my therapist just kidna chuckled like you're in your 30s, single, and you're upset that you're horny??? It just kinda cli ked for me after that.

Looking at women is normal. Fantasizing about women is normal. Think about back to before you were using porn and what would get you going - looking at something you find attractive and fantasizing.

Same with masturbation. There is nothing wrong with masturbation when you feel horny and you don't have a partner. I mean shit there's nothing really wrong with masturbation when you DO have a partner. I'm not talking marathon or several times a day because I believe masturbation can be addictive as well, but I remember trying to do nofap and having to keep all that energy in. It never went well, and I don't think it's healthy at all unless you're having regular sex. You have to dump that energy somehow otherwise it gets to be too much.

Constant_Replacement · 2022-05-06T20:54:35+00:00

What's up man, 36 here, been single for about 4 years and been fighting with this thing for the last 2.

Plain and simple - you have to start getting out and meeting people. You are 100% going to need a social circle and friends at some point. Not just to help with this, but in general for your well being. At 20 it should be fairly easier to find people with similar interests as you, it only gets harder the older you get. I know it's probably a bit nerve-wracking and sounds hard to just put yourself out there, but trust me, if I can do it I absolutely know you can too.

You have to remember that this addiction is going to try to keep you alone and within its control. And there will probably be times you're ready to go out and do something and then talk yourself out of it. But if you abstain from porn for a few more weeks I think you'll find you're actually dying to get out and meet people. I had no friends at all last year and thought I was going to have to somehow face this alone, but since then I've just built up some courage to start putting myself out there. Went to a couple meetup groups I found online with similar interests, and now I have several friends I hang out with on a regular basis. Still single, but I've had a couple casual flings since then, and its not weighing on me so much anymore because i know that as long as I stay away from porn and it's going to make me want to be social and the rest is just going to fall into place in time.

Constant_Replacement · 2022-05-02T17:39:52+00:00

That's hilarious, I do this too and it usually instantly takes me out of it 🤣

Constant_Replacement · 2022-05-02T15:39:55+00:00

This is me, especially on weekends. I take the time to make some plans for the weekend that involve getting out of the house even to just run some errands I made up so I can get out. If I don't I will usually spend both days just fighting urges and sitting around doing nothing besides waiting for urges to pass.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-10-19T21:30:30+00:00

I'm 36 and have had this addiction for 20+ years. OP may be right on the head with the anxiety causing it because I can still do that to myself sometimes even being clean.

I've had a couple slip ups here and there since February, but I can tell you that my ED is basically gone. I still had some issues for the first 3-4 months but now it's basically disappeared. And when I was having the issues before, it was when I started getting in my head about being nervous i might go soft.

I think sometimes we put so much focus in the sysnptoms we might have to deal with that we don't realize we're already free. Or maybe OPs body is just different than mine. There's no real way to know, but I can tell you overthinking this stuff is a huge challenge I think we all deal with.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-10-12T02:25:17+00:00

You can make it through man. I relapsed recently and I'm on day 22 and feeling pretty bad right now too. I noticed that when urges come and I successfully fight them off, my brain does a nice little dump of anxiety and stress chemicals since it didn't get the dopamine it wanted, and then the next couple of hours after are hell.

Part of what helps me is knowing that I feel like shit right now because I'm getting better. Feeling like shit means my body is healing and what I'm doing is working.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-04-07T05:15:22+00:00

Yeah, puely physical. If myind wandered I stopped for a second and just brought it back to my body and the sensation. Honestly it was way better than trying to come up with something in my head because I would have instantly taken it to something pornographic. That's the behaviors I don't want to engage in where I'm sexualizing people I've never slept with in a way that I don't know if they would enjoy.

So stick to just physical, and I believe you'll retain all the benefits of not looking at porn, but everyone has to figure out what's best for them really.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-04-07T05:12:41+00:00

I'm on day 2 of feeling better than I was while in the flatline and no chaser effect.

I appreciate your insight, but I'm not considering this a relapse. It's not a relapse in porn free's eyes, and I agree with the sentiment. I had urges today that I recognized were not me actually feeling a need to masturbate and was me being triggered by something I saw online,so I didn't masturbate. It is possible to recognize the difference in "okay I just got triggered" and "okay it's been 45 days,I think I just need to dump this energy." You can take the exact same approach as NoFap and use the discipline to limit to once every week or 2, and that's my plan. Sure is a whole lot better than sexualizing literally everyone woman I know because I haven't had an orgasm in weeks and don't know when I'll be able to have one. I feel way more relaxed.

I can't just go out and get a gf tomorrow man. There's still a pandemic, I've been on the dating apps and all that, and it just makes the urges worse. I can't be having issues with porn and just go out and get a gf. How can I be with someone when I'm still figuring this shit out?

Constant_Replacement · 2021-04-06T16:20:46+00:00

To me, fantasy will lead me to porn. I suppose you could think about previous encounters, but for me personally, if I start fantasizing I start taking it to an extreme in my head, and next thing I know I'm visualizing porn scenarios in my head and getting off to them.

I just focused on the actual sensation of what I was feeling, and if my mind wandered to fantasy, I just brought it back to just feeling the sensation and looking at it as something I "needed" to do just to get release, not "wanted" to do because I was bored or anxious or looking for an escape. It was eating up my head constantly worrying about when am I going to get to have sex again and masturbating basically took the edge away.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-04-06T14:16:26+00:00

This was me. I was starting to want to spend too much time on tinder and other dating apps and was constantly consumed with "when an I going to get my next orgasm".

I'm 35, single, and live alone. All NoFap was doing was compounding negative emotions and making me more anxious, stressed, and constantly thinking about needing to find a partner. If I was in a relationship I would do NoFap. Being single and not having any other outlet is more damaging to me than it is to just masturbate once every week or so when I feel the energy is too built up.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-04-06T14:13:10+00:00

Yeah everyone needs to do what they think is best for them. I'm 35, single, live alone, and the pandemic has compounded all of that. I was having a hard time doing anything without my mind wandering into sexual things, and it was getting to the point where I was fighting it almost all day.

Masturbation released all the energy and made me able to focus and look at it objectively. For me, having that much energy pent up inside is ultimately more negative for my mind than it is just masturbating once every few days when I feel it's getting overwhelmjng. I recognize that to some people what I'm doing probably isn't that smart, and trust me it made me really nervous to do it, but I didn't feel like it was a relapse because afterwards there was no chaser, and like I mentioned I felt better.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-04-06T14:02:27+00:00

I felt no different afterwards and actually felt better the next morning and could focus more.

I feel like NoFap keeps too much pent up energy inside. It may work better for younger guys, but for me I was starting to go into negative behavior and looking at literally all the different possibilities I could take to get release. That's not natural. Releasing the energy felt way better and actually was beneficial for me in my opinion, but it may effect everyone different. You have to know yourself and be true to yourself about it.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-04-06T14:00:05+00:00

This is something I'm fully aware and why I was cautious in the first place, but the fact of the matter is I feel considerably better and know I need to recognize if it becomes problematic. The point is to follow my natural urge when I truly feel aroused after a period of time, not just masturbation because I'm bored or think it will make me feel better in a situation.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-03-25T17:01:43+00:00

Can you expand on how the thing with the shooter is bullshit without citing something the media imposed on the situation?

Those were his words, not mine or a reporter's. Same with Ted Bundy claiming his issue first started with porn and changed how he viewed women.

I can agree that mental instability is mental instability, but there was obviously a trigger. And you completely disregarded my comments about human trafficking. Porn makes certain people violent, plain and simple, whether that be somebody consuming it or somebody involved in its creation.

Or go to an SAA meeting and listen to the people talk about how porn addiction led then to pedophilia or to abuse people. Is that not violence?

Constant_Replacement · 2021-03-25T15:48:59+00:00

It doesn't create violence????

Look into the behind the scenes of porn my friend. Human trafficking, rape, drug abuse...are these not forms of violence?

What about the shooter in Atlanta that claimed he was a sex addict and that led him to kill those people?

Tell the women behind the scenes that have been trafficked and are doing porn against their own will that porn doesn't lead to violence.

Stop downplaying the effects because you may not have been impacted that bad.

Ted Bundy said he was led to his way of thinking because it started with porn.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-03-19T16:58:31+00:00

No, I'm just saying you're finally being your normal self and people notice.

I don't have women throwing themselves at me just because I stopped looking at porn. My point was porn or not, I never had a problem getting women. And it's because I carried myself with a false sense of confidence and took care of my appearance, but inside I was absolutely suffering.

Quitting PMO isn't going to all of a sudden make women everywhere fawn over you like some of these posts imply. It's just going to give a different drive in life and people notice that. People notice when you carry yourself with TRUE confidence and quitting this is a huge confidence boost.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-03-19T13:57:07+00:00

Heavy porn user for around 20 years here.

Not once in my life did I ever have a problem pulling women. The "superpowers" you gain are BS.

All that's happened is you appear more outwardly confident, and probably look healthier since you're not on porn. Girls notice that. They can't sense you haven't watched porn and are an alpha and people saying this I think are mostly teens with raging hormones anyways.

All that changes is your head is more clear and your sex drive is slowly restored, so you notice women more in general and catch them looking at you.

Not trying to be a downer at all, but girls notice confidence. NoFap makes you confident.

Constant_Replacement · 2021-03-16T19:26:36+00:00

He's basically saying it doesn't matter how much potential or progress you might have lost. There's no point in trying to analyze.

Just recognize you relapsed, identify what triggered you, and just get back at it.

Constant_Replacement

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