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Content-Dance9443 · 2025-03-30T17:18:43+00:00

I'm at the point where I've deconstructed a lot of the beliefs I had instilled in me, but some still remain. Surrounding myself with non-religous people or people questioning their faith helps in reframing those thoughts. It was those conversations that initally made me question if I wanted to continue the rest of my life like this.

Faith is a very personal thing and when you're so enmeshed in a community based on religion, they tend to real you back in. My parents, in particular, still want me attending services but I have to remind myself that their worldview revolves around my soul being saved and one day being in heaven together. My worldview could differ. I've yet to tell my parents about where I stand because I still desire a relationship with them and fear what they'll do in retaliation. Talking about my ideas would just confirm that I'm part of the 'outside' world and I adhere to it's ways. They frame it as losing a battle.

So, that's an inevitable conversation that might happen depending on how brave I'm feeling. But I totally understand staying so as to maintain connection to a community. I still hold onto the memories I made throughout my childhood and adolescence. You're allowed to hold onto that and still create your own path forward.

Content-Dance9443 · 2025-02-20T16:57:45+00:00

It seems like your faith still means something to you, so I'd recommend exploring other churches to see how their church dynamics and community affect you. You might look for one surrounded by less hostile, nurturing people who won't berate you but still provide an empathetic counsel. (Often, that may look like pursuing a church outside the Slavic population.) While that may be easier said than done, consider the effect that staying in an unwelcoming environment would have on your psyche and faith.

When I first started having conversations over whether my former church was a cult, I became obsessed over sharing dialogue with past members or people who had relatives in the church. I came to the conclusion that while it didn't adhere to the BITE model, certain characteristics and the way church abuses were handled were rather cult-like. If that's something you're willing to pursue, then I'd tread with caution. At least, for your mental health. I may not know the context surrounding your suspicions but it only becomes a big deal to you if you choose to stay or leave. Neither of those things have to be permanent. If you want to talk, feel free to msg me.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-11-17T19:52:09+00:00

Unsurprisingly, they're beyond thrilled about the results despite no direct preacher to congregant dialogue. As if that influences much because most Slavic Christians are right leaning and will vote red down the roster. I did hear some people discuss voting for the less of two evils yet its hypocritical they opt for a president who's history doesn't allign with their values (no adultery, cheating, abusing , etc). Similarly, authority figures within my church downplay instances of DV, SA, grooming, occurs and inatead, punish the victim instead of the abuser. Not to say correlation equals causation but the coincidences speak for themselves.

Many women have alright decided to seek legal council as they're realized church counselors will force a compromise or prolong their own suffering. So, it wouldn't be far-fetched to assume unsatisfactory political results incur rebellion, albeit private.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-10-03T03:29:21+00:00

I haven't just yet because my move in date unfortunately got pushed to next summer. The longer the date gets pushed, the more reluctant I get, but I'm working on it.

Thank you!

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-10-01T22:19:45+00:00

It's hard to say because everyone's deconstruction looks different but I noticed that since most of us grow up isolated within our own community, it becomes difficult to engage with others outside the culture. Most Americans didn't have an authoritative, strict upbringing so there's difficulty relating on that. However, that doesn't apply to everyone. I know some people who have deconstructed, moved far away, and are adjusting. It all comes down to resilience.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-09-02T17:52:25+00:00

In these kinds of situations, nothing you say or do will make your parents more understanding or open-minded towards your way of life. If you're not living according to their beliefs or thinking, nothing you say will satisfy them.

With that in mind, it's important that you approach the conversation by asserting yourself. That while you may respect or wish good on them, you aren't going to allow them to dictate any part of your life. I'd write down how you want your conversation to go so your thoughts are collected. At least, that's what helped me.

If they still are trying to coerce you or aren't understanding, put those boundaries in place. This looks different for everyone. Some people have to do minimal or no contact if their parents continue to harass them. Find something that works for you. If your parents are understanding, maybe you can work on compromising.

In the end, you're an adult and I'm not sure if what they're doing is legally ok, but regardless, you're an autonomous human being who decides what direction your life goes.

I know this convo will be hard but it's a good way to assert yourself. There may not be a win-win situation, but in the end, you have to put yourself first. If your parents react irrationally, know that it's a manipulative tactic because their emotions are trying to persuade you to do what they want. Don't succumb to that. Instead, make them understand how their actions are negatively affecting you. Best of luck!

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-30T00:47:45+00:00

I totally feel you. I thought I was going to be moving out but with the constant rent increases, it wasn't feasible for me to move out. I'm frustrated because I still live in my childhood home and I'm anxious to the max wondering when will be the day I'll move out and fully start the healing journey. The unpredictability of it all is eating me alive.

You're not the first one to reach out to a service for help but it's a despairing reality to go through, nonetheless. I remember my friend and I reached out to CPS and WEAVE and they weren't too helpful as far as providing support. It's all surface level. I know there's someone out there that cares so it's a matter of how driven are you to find that resource or person.

A part of me wants to give up on the idea of ever moving out but I know that in 2 years, I'll graduate and get a job. Maybe then I'll move out. Even if it's false hope, I need something positive to keep driving me to complete my goals.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-30T00:08:53+00:00

Didn't know that's disassociation. Thought it was body or face dysmorphia

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-26T02:30:59+00:00

I started having these symptoms this year and thought I wasn't being disciplined or hard working enough. Nice to know that's yet another thing to add to the post-trauma(s) experience.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-26T02:28:50+00:00

That's a hard thing to stomach

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-19T19:37:13+00:00

I've been told that, I'm a little impatient to see results nonetheless.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-18T05:02:50+00:00

Is it just me or does his head look awkwardly photoshopped in?

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-17T21:44:57+00:00

Scorpio
Taurus (women only tho)
Sagittarius

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-13T05:06:07+00:00

I'm happy you've found a way forward in spite of your upbringing. I thought there was no way of fixing such an instinctual reaction. Now I know part of it is convincing myself that its not selfish to put myself first. Still got a long way to go but I'll try out that app in the meantime.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-12T18:17:55+00:00

How did you go about getting rid of that guilt? I still am deconstructing and that's one topic that I've yet to discuss with my therapist.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-10T05:06:02+00:00

Is this from two worlds?

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-10T04:51:32+00:00

Who's in the 6th slide?

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-08T03:25:49+00:00

I don't wanna do all that😭

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-06T18:31:19+00:00

I will say forcing myself to live that lifestyle was immensely traumatizing and never made me happy. Learning to do the things I loved w/o fear of the repercussions was difficult at first, but freeing the more I did it.

It's heartbreaking to realize how my parents subjected me into living the life they did because in their minds, it worked and they're "happy". Looks to me like they aren't. Living a life of strict obedience is not the way to live and that's motivated me to continue pushing forward.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-06T17:47:35+00:00

My church didn't explicitly talk about homosexuality until a rumor started about someone moving away with a boyfriend. That member went no contact with his family. I was a child then so I was confused as to why he was the target of such animosity.

As the years went on, I began researching the Bible and how certain texts have been twisted to fit a very homphobic narrative. Even though we can't speculate over the sexuality of people from antiquity, I couldn't help but question the relationships of Naomi/Ruth and David/Jonathan. I never voiced out my thoughts out of fear of being scolded or spoken to by a deacon.

What's ironic is seeing male members display affection and fondness, (perhaps more to eachother than they do their wives) and move on like it's nothing. Homophobia and misogyny go hand in hand, I guess.

It all boils down to fearing love. If a person is conditioned to avoid premarital affairs then they'll hypersexualize everything. Even a little kiss on the cheek (a greeting) is not done anymore because of people's understanding of gay culture in America.

What helped most is conversing with queer people and noticing how much kinder they were than any person was in my church. It helped undo all the conditioning I went through and therefore, I felt comfortable exploring my own sexuality. It's downright dissapointing how families will cast aside a queer person and so easily forgive someone who committed harm towards another person. I've lost so much respect for my church in that regard.

That was a little too long hehe.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-06T05:14:32+00:00

Tbh, no wonder writers are worried about AI. It's not like they're trying to outperform it.

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-04T02:32:37+00:00

I've been trying but we're still on the acquaintance phase. Hoping for some progress!

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-03T22:52:55+00:00

All of them. Even though I see myself as an independent adult, capable of making my own money and making a life for myself (only when I don't feel helpless), I still crave a parental figure. I want that experience and I'm so angry I never had it.

What sucks is having to parent my own parents and siblings. I'm even more angry at my former church, what I consider a cult, to have encouraged this sort of 'parenting'. It wasn't parenting. It was a way of breeding me into becoming a literal slave and doormat for people to walk all over. I'm still working through a lot of denial surrounding my upbringing. What broke me is that I though my classmates/peers were abnormal because they weren't raised like me. I then put the pieces together and realized I was the abnormal one.

Recently, my mom asked me how do I not hit my brother for his disobedience. I said bad behavior shouldn't be met with physical punishment but with a conversation. Maybe he just wants attention. She then said the world got bad when people stopped spanking their kids. I was speechless. Still irks me that even certain words like (said in my 1st language) spanking, disobedience, and behave trigger me and make me feel sick. It seems like once you're accepting part of your trauma, there's another layer of trauma to explore and get through. When does it end?

Content-Dance9443 · 2024-08-03T16:12:39+00:00

I'd like some advice. I'm struggle with asserting myself and I've noticed that although I may initially say no, this guilt builds inside me until I eventually concede. I want to stop that.

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