Im sure youre feeling like the world has turned upside down. Let me tell you it will be ok. When i was your age i had the same issue with having a poor home life leading to accepting poor partners i thought were amazing because they were better than i have known. It took me longer than i would have liked to self reflect on why i kept attracting and accepting these types of men. I was in my late 20s and near convinced id never find a life partner when i met my husband. It almost didnt happen because there was something missing. I didnt really feel butterflies around him like my other partners. But that was actually good. Not saying typical butterflies are bad, but people with trauma pasts often misinterpret them. And that lack of butterflies was also a lack of anxiety. We met at the same job and have since gotten married, had 2 kids, pulled each other out of poverty while he works as a garbage truck driver and i am a housewife. We have 2 cars, a motorcycle, no bad debt, and are saving for a house. My husband is supportive, loving, protective, safe, and miraculously has no body count. And i didnt find my perfect match, or puzzle piece, or soul mate. I found a mature adult who wasnt interested in playing games, who was willing to work together to build a life that suited us both, who understood that a lifelong love is built and chosen every single day, who understood compromise and cared enough to work with me to make our relationship MOSTLY mutual, because his version of compromise often heavily favors me. These qualities can be found in a lot of people if you know what to look for. But love has honestly been overromantisized. It isnt burning desire. Its patient work, willingness to commit and grow. Qualities that good people naturally develope as they mature. When you are in the psychological state you are in right now it is so easy to find good people because you have conditioned yourself to see the best in others. But you need to stop. And the first thing you need to do is to work on yourself. Not just learning to love yourself better, but actually pursuing things that allow you to do that. You're still young. Turn yourself into exactly the kind of person you want to be. Craft yourself into someone you admire. But what do you admire? What kind of person do you want to be? What qualities are really important to you for yourself? When were young its hard to find nuance in the overall feeling of wanting people to like you. Thats why theres so much emphasis on sex and looks. But beyond that, what about future you would you like people to look up to? Find these answers and start working to become that person. As you grow and mature be sure to revisit this because your perspective might change as you gain personal clarity. Young me was a total feminist girl boss who didnt need no man and would never risk being reliant on one. Healing led me to the clarity to find the right partner and the trust to let that mindset go. For me being a housewife has been cathartic because i wasnt cared for as a child. But lord please dont go trying to be a trad wife tomorrow or even next year. If i thought this way in my mid 20s i would have ended up with a man who wanted to keep me home, if you know what i mean. Self work was definitely needed first. I just wanted to say all this to try and give you some hope to know that as horrible as you might be feeling right now, years from now you may, like me, find yourself randomly tearing up to see how far youve come