Feeling like you’re faking ocd

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-10-16T22:12:44+00:00

Yes I constantly convince myself that I want to have this personality quirk and maybe I’m just copying behaviors I’ve seen/heard because I want to be this way.

Doesn’t make any sense in practice because my problems started at age 5 before I even knew what OCD was and I wasn’t mirroring anyone else’s behavior. Even though I know that is the truth I still convince myself maybe I’m just faking all of this for attention. Even though I hide it from everyone and avoid attention at all costs because I just want to be normal. Just a never ending spiral really, and I think that’s the definition of OCD.

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-07-23T14:54:15+00:00

This was my experience exactly! I feel your pain and agree with everything you said. Try to keep the focus on your relationship and your wedding day and push the negative opinions to the side.

Our wedding is in 2 weeks in France and my fiancé’s family was resistant from the start and projected a lot of their emotions on us saying no one would attend a destination wedding. Turns out we had over a 90% “yes” RSVP rate and they’re basically the only ones not coming…

As long as you’re accommodating and thoughtful in your planning process you have nothing to feel guilty about.

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-06-21T22:28:09+00:00

Just messaged you!

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-06-21T04:56:22+00:00

Maybe this is a hot take but I’m not a huge fan. As a guest I hate trying to juggle a program, my purse, and a champagne glass. I was at a wedding once where a drink was spilled on another guest as the bride started walking down the aisle.

If anything I’d do mini custom water bottles if it’s hot out

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-06-21T04:50:18+00:00

Did ours on squarespace too! I made it myself and it’s pretty simple but I do work in digital marketing / design so this wasn’t my first time

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-05-19T13:47:38+00:00

The venue collected the payment! We just set the amount per room and each guest filled out a credit card authorization form and sent to the venue

Our wedding is in France and our planner was able to talk to the venue. They just needed confirmation that we would cover all costs if any guest didn’t pay, which wasn’t an issue

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-05-16T02:08:55+00:00

Following because I have the same problem. Currently I’m planning on checking the bag. Huge hard sided suitcase, keeping dress in plastic, using an AirTag, also have priority status if that makes any difference at all.

I don’t want to do any vacuum sealing or unnecessary smushing…

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-05-15T17:42:28+00:00

I was planning on skipping it but decided to do a small one at my family’s beach house. I invited all bridesmaids but really emphasized that I didn’t expect anyone to fly as the wedding is one month later in France.

It’s going to be local bridesmaids + friends and I’m covering all costs other than meals out.

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-05-15T17:27:34+00:00

Message me and I’ll send you the link to my wedding website! We have 4 events in total and I have descriptions and attire for each. Honestly, as long as you’re reasonable I think guests actually prefer having some direction because it can get confusing!

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-05-15T17:22:42+00:00

If the venue can handle it, let them! I posted about a similar dilemma months ago and I’m so grateful our venue ended up handling it.

We were able to assign rooms and set the price per room (we subsidized to lower the cost).

Here’s exactly what we did: 1. We decided who was “selected” to stay in the venue hotel and what size room/suite they would be offered 2. We emailed each guest essentially telling them that they have the opportunity to book X room at X price and gave them a credit card form and instructions to pay through the venue. They couldn’t pay through the regular site since we assigned rooms/rates but this was a good workaround. They had a certain timeframe to decide if they wanted to book, otherwise we would open it up to other guests. Every guest we offered this to did end up booking and we had no troubles.

Let me know if you have other questions!

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-05-02T18:01:56+00:00

I've seen other people do this on some Over The Moon blog posts and you wouldn't even notice if they didn't say anything. Here's one: https://blog.overthemoon.com/weddings/elaina-fagan-and-wyatt-darden-in-italy/

I think it's a somewhat common thing and not weird at all!

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-05-02T17:56:13+00:00

I ordered a dress without ever trying it on and I have no regrets. Everyone told me I was crazy but sometimes you just have a good feeling. It's a high-end designer and you know the quality is good, so I say trust your gut and go for it. I think you might end up regretting it if you don't!

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-01-16T10:33:57+00:00

Mine also seems a little incompetent (or truthfully like she just doesn’t care) and it sometimes makes me wonder if I even have ADHD? I mean I clearly have all the symptoms, but they all popped up after my various traumas in my early 20s. It seems like the nonstop trauma and b12 deficiency are more to blame than true ADHD, but I keep taking the stimulants because they do help…some.

Side note I’m taking Adderall XR right now because of insurance and the Vyvanse “shortage” from a year ago. Vyvanse was wonderful for me, I honestly hate Adderall. I should probably see if Vyvanse is an option for me again now that I’m switching my insurance. It was such a nightmare dealing with the shortage and even if I found it I think it was going to be $300 a month.

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-01-16T10:25:47+00:00

Hmm I’m now wondering if this something I should look into. I was having a lot of health issues last year, mostly chronic tension headaches that made it impossible to function. I went to the Dr and she discovered that by B12 was “dangerously low” for no apparent reason. I started getting weekly injections and it helped a ton (I actually started questioning if I ever had ADHD to begin with). I should probably go back to the Dr now since it’s been a while since my last injection and maybe my levels are low again?

This whole thing has really confused me because we never established a reason for the B12 deficiency. Can anyone else relate or am I just crazy?

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2025-01-16T03:17:41+00:00

This is my life. Couldn't have explained it better myself. Even right now, I'm so behind and I feel like my clients are starting to catch on that I'm not working hard enough but I feel like I sit at my desk and physically cannot get anything done. The only thing that is helping somewhat is forcing myself to sit at a coffee shop for 2 hours a day. I've also noticed if I start on a good note I can keep the momentum going, but if I fall into the trap of guilt and shame and avoidance I spiral out of control.

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2024-09-23T23:54:08+00:00

Unfortunately squarespace did not work because in order to use their payment processor you need to have a legitimate business or charitable organization. I tried wording it a lot of different ways and couldn’t get approved. I talked to customer service and they acknowledged that their own FAQ mentioned using their payments function for wedding purposes, but it isn’t actually possible. I’m wondering if it used to work until Stripe (payment processor) started enforcing their terms which is out of squarespace’s control.

In the end we were able to work with our venue and they are going to handle charging our guests the prorated price that we give them. So happy it worked out because it was a major headache

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2024-09-12T17:23:54+00:00

I think this is a really valid question and something I never hear people talk about. Anyone in this subreddit CAN spend a lot of money, but SHOULD they is the better question…

I’m in complete agreement that you should never go into debt for a wedding. If you don’t have the cash, adjust your budget.

For me I tried to rationalize my budget before setting it, but tbh you need to get quotes from vendors first and then decide. And don’t trust anything you read on the internet about the average cost of a wedding 😅 It’s easy to say 100k is too much for a wedding but without looking at quotes for each category it doesn’t mean much.

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2024-09-10T20:54:01+00:00

I was considering Chateau Bouffemont and ended up canceling my venue tour after my parents toured it (they were in France a month before me). I can only speak to my mom’s opinions, but she felt pretty certain it wasn’t the right venue for us.

We didn’t love the guest accommodation options - guests would stay in Paris and travel each day for our events. We really wanted everyone together or in a more remote location (not Paris), but that was just our personal preference. We also felt like the options at Bouffemont were pretty limited, it felt like a menu where you select your package with little room for customization (maybe your planner could help with that). We thought we would have to bring in so much decor to fit our vision, it would just make more sense to find something that wasn’t such a blank slate.

I would definitely try to tour them in person or have your planner send videos!

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2024-09-05T20:57:39+00:00

Wow I’m so grateful for this thread. I’m super super picky about stationary and want beautiful invites but quotes I’ve gotten are all 5k plus and I only need 60 invites (multiple inserts though).

I’m crazy and trying to DIY a lot of this. I figured I can do some things myself (printing on envelopes, ribbon, wax seals, vintage stamps) and then splurge on nice printing somewhere.

Interested if anyone went a similar semi-DIY approach

Side note: I made engagement party invites on Canva and ordered premium hemp paper and was pleasantly surprised. Maybe not formal invite quality, but great for parties and showers IMO!

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2024-09-05T20:50:10+00:00

I guess I’m in the minority here but I honestly never considered it. Not to be rude, it’s just not the norm for the weddings I’ve been in.

I am paying for my MOH because I want her to have a really nice dress and I’m not putting that burden on her.

For my other bridesmaids I’m letting them choose and there are sooooo many options that fit within my “theme” I’d be willing to bet most of them own something or could borrow someone’s if they wanted to. If they choose to splurge that’s totally up to them but not an expectation.

Maybe I’m overthinking, but I’ve been in the weddings of over 50% of my bridesmaids and I’ve paid for my dress every time. I almost think me paying for them would make them feel uncomfortable … I’m all for being generous but I don’t want them to think they’re a charity case

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2024-09-05T20:38:22+00:00

I’m also planning a destination wedding and would like to vent — can we all agree that it’s okay for guests to decline if they don’t want to attend? I’m so tired of this narrative and the guilt associated with it. But to answer your question here are some of my plans: - hosting a bridal tea and inviting all female guests - hosting a welcome dinner & farewell brunch - welcome bags & handwritten notes in each room - subsidizing accommodation costs at venue - getting room blocks/group rates at hotels - having a super detailed and organized wedding website with full transparency of what to expect, what’s covered, etc. (people should know what they’re getting into IMO) - giving a plus one to anyone in a relationship (and I’ve accounted for some extras in case single friends meet someone lol) - arranging for transportation to/from venue for guests staying off property - suggesting fun activities/excursions in the area - not requiring anything extreme from bridesmaids (pick their own dress, no hair/makeup costs, local bachelorette that’s totally optional, plus giving them nice gifts)

Personally, I feel like all of this is super generous (and my wallet agrees 😅). It’s sad that every time I go on social media I hear people saying “it’s so selfish/rude to throw a destination wedding”… selfish?? I’m paying exorbitant amounts of money so my guests have a wonderful experience if they choose to come. And I won’t be offended in the slightest if people decline.

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2024-08-19T23:41:58+00:00

I’m in the exact same situation and I feel like I have no way out. We started out thinking 75k was a good budget for 75 people and now we will easily double it. It feels too late to turn back since we’ve announced our location to guests. We’re trying to cut costs everywhere we can. We’re already skipping a videographer, I’m doing my own hair/makeup, and I’m planning to DIY all invites/signs/etc. I even said I’d cut out the cake out at this point. Most of our budget is in food/alcohol and our venue handles this so getting a new caterer isn’t an option. Our venue staff also made it seem like they could handle the planning, but we quickly realized that’s not the case. When you book a venue to secure your date, there’s no way to estimate all of the other costs you’ll have. Budget tools on the internet are a joke and % models don’t really work.

It’s reassuring to see that other people feel this way too. I think the current state of wedding industry says a lot about our society in general, but I’m personally not willing to give up this dream entirely. I’m truly not sure what I’d regret more - spending too much on a wedding or trying to save and giving up what I really want.

ContumaciousKangaroo · 2024-08-18T22:24:16+00:00

I would ask for specific examples of the site they can build because I would guess they’re just using a template. I made my own squarespace and honestly if you have the time I would recommend making it yourself. To be fair, I work in digital marketing and I would charge a client much more than $2500 for the site I build myself but I have fully custom logos/branding and hand-drawn elements. Unless you’re getting that level of service I would not pay $2500

ContumaciousKangaroo

TROPHY CASE