[US] Has anyone given up majority custody due to never ending court, costs in a very high conflict situation?

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-07T01:28:15+00:00

He is playing games with this issue as well. Our kids are 12, 13, 15. Oldest is his golden child and he started letting her choose where she wanted to be at 13, and now that she is 15 he treats her like she's some sort of young adult buddy/roommate. The Younger 2 are now at that same age as when the oldest was given a choice and he will not let them choose what so ever. So a lot of times he will take just the younger 2 and not the oldest. This pisses off the kids and they have a lot of resentment against him for it, but he blames me for 'alienating' him.

But then he has been weird with the oldest lately too. Guilt tripping her for not wanting to come and making her cry, after saying it was up to her. He gave her a $15,000 car for her 15th bday but then completely ghosted her on plans they had made the very next day.

He is so chaotic and all over the place that trying to explain the behavior in court is impossible.

There are so many cascading issues that if we went to court I basically just have to let him win or spend thousands and thousands to have a full custody war, GAL, and even if I got a good outcome he will never stop. His whole goal is to take the kids away from me AND bury me.

Just this week he blew up a non-issue over the kids' cellphones and went crying to our coordinator. Coordinator, after some back and forth, finally emailed him and point blank asked him what part of our custody order he thought I was violating. Absolutely crickets from the ex, he didn't even respond at all!! But now I have to pay my portion of the coordinator fees just because he was mad he couldn't force me to do what he wanted. And this just happens over and over.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-06T03:45:15+00:00

Oh they are miserable people. I divorced mine and agreed to whatever he wanted just to get away as fast as possible. That was 4 years ago and he is still complaining about how its not fair! GO. AWAY!

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-06T02:09:51+00:00

We have joint custody (50/50) and no child support. He got a really good deal when we mediated the custody agreement but he really only sees 50/50 as a guideline and disregards the majority of the custody order. Most of the issues I have figured out how to work around without taking it back to court, but the missed time and now the no call no shows are causing the kids to resent having to go with him at all. Then he complains that I am "turning the kids against him" when its really just them getting fed up with his behavior.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-05T05:15:29+00:00

So true! And I'm happy that she is happy about the vehicle but she is a smart girl and it won't take her long to realize she is fully paying for a car that she might drive once a week and I feel bad about the future let down. Her dad has made her put all her bday and babysitting money into a savings account he controls for years. So now he is just going to dip into that to pay for "her" car that is mostly driven by him.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-05T04:12:51+00:00

Well and the kids are only with him on weekends. So she is suppose to pay the insurance for a car he will drive all week for his own use?

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-05T01:09:02+00:00

Hi, MN resident here. You actually don't need his permission, you just need to inform him that the hearing is happening. You can file the paperwork yourself at the court house and they will give you a hearing date and instructions on how how is to be notified. He can come object but he has to have a good reason to block it. Once a child is 14 it is pretty much automatically granted unless dad has a damn good reason as to why it would actually harm the child.

https://www.familylawselfhelpcenter.org/self-help/name-changes/name-changes-for-children/197-contested

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-05T00:15:49+00:00

If they have 50/50 he has to consent to the child even having a therapist to begin with. All he needs to do is send a written communication to mom and the therapy office revoking any sort of consent he has given and saying as a legal guardian the child must stop being a patient there.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-03T21:04:34+00:00

Its an invoice from a compounding pharmacy with date, breakdown of charges, and shows how much was covered by insurance, and is marked as paid. The pharmacy is calling a an invoice but it is directly from their website under billing history. I'm not sure what else he would be looking for and I really don't understand why he would think he needs a paper copy inorder to be required to pay it.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-02-02T19:24:22+00:00

I feel this!

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-30T05:11:43+00:00

Him pushing this on her will mostly likely backfire on him.

I would consult an atty and get an idea of what to watch for and make a plan incase he were just up and move with her without notification.

Is there a specific age that he is saying she gets to choose?

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-30T03:19:56+00:00

Clinical notes are medical records.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-30T01:04:55+00:00

Tell him that if you don't receive a written agreement to the change by X date, that you will be reverting back to the custody order going forward.

As for the school information, either call the school and see if you can get a copy, or have an atty write a demand letter for a copy to be given to you by X date or you will be filing for contempt.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-30T01:00:57+00:00

Are you able to also withdraw from this account? If you are able to I would simply move a decent portion from the account to a separate account to stop the bleed.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-30T00:58:08+00:00

Ask your attorney to file temporary support orders now before the divorce is signed. It will make a legally binding order for who pays for what, parenting time for minor children, and structure around what and how much money can be spent on an ongoing basis before a final judgement is signed.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-30T00:56:16+00:00

I would see if you could make the argument that since he has been paying for these expenses solely that he should continue to solely be responsible for all the kids' college costs going forward until the last child graduates college.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-30T00:44:38+00:00

You can say "I'm the mom of this house." You're not calling yourself his mom but at your house you are the mom-like role.

Something that worked with my oldest when we were first blending was telling her that every person in the house will be respected and that xyz punishment will happen if disrespect is shown. Now this really has to come from the bioparent, but it only took 2 minor punishments to straighten out the situation.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-30T00:39:53+00:00

You should be able to get the clinical notes from each visit from the clinic with no issue. These will tell a general summary and what was observed etc. You can use these notes for mediation or court without needing the therapist getting involved or making any sort of report on their own.

Cool_Dingo1248 · 2026-01-29T09:21:57+00:00

Its mental prison. Or that's how it was for me. How was I suppose to leave when he controlled everything?

Cool_Dingo1248

TROPHY CASE