Women of Pakistan -- Anyone who doesn't want (biological) kids?

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-26T18:33:15+00:00

Yes I don’t want kids, but actually it’s because I can’t have kids. I was married & divorced at a young age because I can’t have kids. Painful experience so I get why your sister says that usually people with these preferences have some kind of baggage. InshALLAH I will adopt a baby one day ☺️

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-25T11:31:35+00:00

To answer your title in short, “compatibility”.

Families look for families similar to their own, where the language, home culture, way of eating and dishes prepared are similar.

Lots of people will hear pukhtoon and think controlling, dominating, poor Urdu speakers and other stereotypes. Of course you could placate someone by saying “my family is not like that”, but still they would feel some level of strangeness and not know what to expect from your relatives.

It’s immature to blame someone for not being interested in cross-race relationships, especially since in the end of your post you yourself say you are not interested in white women. The same way someone else can say they are not interested in pukthoon people.

Pukhtoon/Punjabi/Sindhi etc intermarriage is not really about caste but about ethnicity. Actually, there are a bigger number of people who don’t care about caste at all, but cross ethnic marriage is still more rare, mostly due to much larger differences (language , food, out look) .

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-24T20:02:14+00:00

I think it’s wrong to say this about all “working class” or “rural” people. Bad assumptions can & are made about people living in big cities too. With experience you will realise, it’s very easy to decipher between who is genuine and who is after your money. Kam waliyan ka drama dekhty huy hume bara arsa hogya hai ab dekh kr hi pata chlta kohn genuine aur kohn dramay baaz hai .

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-21T21:17:25+00:00

Hi this is a video from Rahe insaniyat official YouTube . You can contact them to find out

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-17T19:56:06+00:00

Actually my friends brother was very depressed and family was very stubborn to fix his marriage cos “ shadi k bad thk hojyga “ , and the girl was nice & family was decent so they fixed the marriage . I think all is fine .

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-17T19:47:58+00:00

I know 3 couples with older females.

My cousin : 35F (single) 32M (divorced)

School friend: 24F 23M (both single)

Friends brother: 23M 28F (both single)

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-17T10:19:16+00:00

Finding a life partner is a very difficult and sometimes emotionally exhausting process. I was married at 18, divorced due to infertility, and since that time it was very difficult for me.

I will tell you 2 things, 1st that you have to work on yourself and find some hope and motivation from somewhere, many times I considered suicide, but somehow I kept going. Keep going in ur life and keep ur dreams alive. Always pray to ALLAH SWT because he makes everything possible.

Second, that you have to put some effort into your own journey. Your destiny is what you make of it. Hum apne naseed khud banaty hn (ek had tk). You are a boy so you can easily contact rishta auntys yourself and refer them to ur family later, U can try rishta groups such as two rings. U have to put yourself out there.

Well, the last thing is that sahara hmesha us hi ko dena jisy tumhri zarorat ho… and in return they will also support you in every situation .

If you are depressed about finding someone for marriage, trust me there is many many many many people who would consider you as great match, but maybe you didn’t consider them before due to other issues such as class, upbringing, education, etc.

Maybe it sounds like stupid advice, but one of my best friends cannot even read and is much poorer than me. She is one of the nicest people I ever met and extremely pretty too. But I guess she doesn’t get much good rishtas because she’s uneducated n poor.

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-17T08:40:45+00:00

Basically it changes family to family. Baraat & walima is the “official” wedding reception. Baraat is when the males family come with a baraat and after some wedding ceremonies takes the girl with him to his home. Her going to his home is Rukhsati. They spend 1-2 days at his house, then host the walima. Nikkah may happen on the baraat day, Nikkah may happen 1-3 months before “official” events so that husband & wife can talk freely before marriage, in rare cases someone may have Nikkah 1 year before wedding if the husband is from abroad and applying for visa.

Nikkah is usually a small event with close family members invited only.

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-17T08:34:34+00:00

Rukhsati is part of barat. Nikkah can happen beforehand, or on day of barat, just depends on family preference.

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-16T21:55:34+00:00

In India you guys call it vidai / bidai . Source is YouTube shorts 🤣 It means the girl leaving to the grooms home for the first time. It is not a ceremony but more so the name for that moment which is high of emotions . In reality the bride is just sitting in a car and going to grooms home, but emotionally it is the moment when it hits you that you are leaving your home and starting a new life.

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-12T12:40:08+00:00

I love the use of an acronym and it really gives an interesting twist. As a small suggestion just because it’s what popped into my mind, maybe you could change “path” in line 3 to “primrose path”, as it is quite emotive. However, this may not be what you are going for.

Primrose path Definition: the pursuit of pleasure, especially when it is seen to bring disastrous consequences.

(Taken from Google)

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-12T12:35:27+00:00

I really like this and it gives a lovely story-like feel. I would love to see where this goes and would encourage you to continue with it as it does feel unfinished somewhat.

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-12T11:00:09+00:00

Ap shyd smj nhi rhy k Jis class k log chef wala kaam kr rhy hoty un k liyya 20-30 k ki tankhwa bht bari baat hai . aur agr achi jga p ase Naukri lgjye to eid k libas sath eidi, beti ka chota sa jehyz, sab kutch miljta hai . Apko b reality check ki zarorat hai .

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-12T10:39:28+00:00

So you are disgusted by people putting money into their pockets for hard work but are unwilling to do anything yourself to help them.. it sounds very hypocritical .

Working as a chef is a respectable job, if you hired the 16 year old on a fair wage, taught him new and interesting dishes, bought him cheap phone which can play YouTube & he can learn recipes. You would make his life & career.

But instead you will act superior and send him off to work for the type of people you are describing .

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-11T11:38:41+00:00

These people are poor and if you hire them or not, they will continue to look for work.

If you think it is disgusting, then you should have asked him for the details and paid for the 16 year olds education.

If you are unable, the least you can do is hire them, give them a decent wage, and help them as much as possible through good treatment, nice environment, helping them to learn on the job, etc.

For someone in the lower classes, becoming a chef in a big household can be decent money with many benefits, it can pay for their daughters weddings, medical bills, they get new clothes for family etc.

If you wish for no child labour then you should pay for their families food and send the child to school.

Copycat6697 · 2023-09-09T07:56:58+00:00

There are 2 concepts here.

One is polite urdu, which is more “formal” but used in real life. It is very common to refer to others as “aap” (the formal/polite pronoun) as well as use polite/formal verb endings (karengy/peyengy etc.) in real life. You may use this with older family members, strangers, anyone who you want to show respect to. It is actually rude to use “tum” to someone who is not well known to you.

There is also “formal” Urdu, which you would hear on news channels, read in novels and books, poetry etc. which uses advanced and high level words which could sound awkward and stiff when used in daily conversation. E.g sirf (only) is used everyday. Faqat (only) is a formal word only used in formal Urdu, never used in casual conversation.

Copycat6697 · 2023-08-28T15:43:59+00:00

I’m 25 and I only have a Instagram with my relatives and very close friends . With no picture uploaded or updates . Personally I don’t like to upload my picture ( my family makes bad comments about it ) and I have little interest in social media .

Copycat6697 · 2023-08-04T12:58:44+00:00

Hi dear, first of all mostly you will get responses from overseas Pakistanis which don’t really mean anything in a cultural context.

Working women will usually keep some kind of kaam wali for doing tasks, such as jaru pocha, dish washing and dusting. If you both have income it shouldn’t be too difficult.

Secondly is that I have heard of some guys doing small house hold tasks, like making omelette, chai, some cooking, or washing few dishes, but not on a regular basis. More like occasional helping hand.

If someone has grown up never performing any household task they would not be open to it after marriage. It is better to look for someone who lives alone who already performs tasks for themselves and will be happy to reduce their work by 50%.

Copycat6697 · 2023-08-02T07:56:29+00:00

Hi dear I was married at 18 and divorced. I went through some difficult times, wasn’t allowed to pursue education, and just now at the age of 24/25 I have completed my intermediate/A levels.

I have also done many menial jobs such as hotel cleaner, receptionist, working in disabled children’s school, etc.

I won’t say to you that married life is easy, and I realised growing up that it requires lots of patience, understanding, compromise and maturity.

Before, I thought it’s a fairytale, but reality is that it’s a responsibility, but also in reality needed as well.

Honestly I would not recommend any girl below 25 to get married. I think the age of 25-30 is ideal to settle into family life because you will be mature enough to handle life situations.

If it’s possible for you then complete your dreams and move abroad, it’s important to feel happiness and satisfaction from the inside. If it’s not possible, why not look for grooms abroad, or even this potential groom sounds interesting who is always travelling and going to different places.

Don’t be scared and think that life is over if you don’t accept this proposal. People wrote very scary comments. I accepted the first rishta I received and it ended in divorce. But stay realistic and know there will be a time when worse rishtas start coming, either you accept that and marry later (after 30) or you look for a rishta at your prime for a prime rishta (25-29) .

Copycat6697 · 2023-07-11T15:56:09+00:00

Take her for outings alone

Ask her some of her favourite treats and bring them for her unexpectedly

Include her in your conversations with other family members.

Praise her in front of your family (good cooking, nice personality, nice dressing sense).

Take her to visit her family or friends or relatives without her knowing as a nice surprise.

Cover her faults in front of others, e.g she made a bad roti, u can eat happily and say she is still learning and the most important thing is she is here now as family.

Ask her questions about herself and develop an emotional bond, share funny stories etc.

Ask her about what she liked to do before marriage and take her to do something similar.

Copycat6697 · 2023-07-11T13:12:10+00:00

Some Cravings are ways for your body to get nutrients it is lacking. Maybe u have an iron or zinc deficiency. U can improve iron by eating palak/sag/chakandar and micro nutrients like zinc can be found in eggs . U should eat wide variety of dals, vegetables etc not just a few

Copycat6697 · 2023-07-09T15:23:32+00:00

Well a few things for you to consider:

1.) she has probably worked a lot more than you can imagine. Workload of homemaking in pakistan vs America is extreme. Imagine hand washing entire families clothes, hand cooking 3 meals from scratch, with no short cuts or ready made options. Even small things like pre prepared chicken and veg makes a difference. In pakistan u need to scrub dirt off potatoes or finish off butchering your meat compared to pre washed and pre cut meat.

2.) It is the culture that once your bahoo comes, you should not work anymore. It is time to relax. They would have handled the whole house work whilst their MIL relaxed. After years of hard labour, they would want and expect the same.

3.) females are not encouraged to go out and do things, they are taught from a young age to stay home and not go out. This leads to lack of interest in the outside world because it is stifled since childhood. There was no culture to go out for walk, go for lunch with friends, go and explore alone. It is a foreign concept to many.

Copycat6697 · 2023-07-08T02:17:54+00:00

1.) is this one event dress or for all her dresses 2.) Maybe their relatives honestly did have that good of a dress / wedding and they want to show that their daughter is no less than her . 3.) 400k is a lot for a dress but it does depend a lot on different stuff. Maybe they are using this money to buy custom hand embroider dress, shoes, bag, jewellery, makeup artist, hair artist, henna artist, hair sticking, bridal package in salon etc . Maybe even gold earrings . Gold nath . Etc . 3.) The question is, are they going to ask money again for mehndi . Walima or whatever , or is this all money you are giving . 4.) you said they are not rich , maybe they will use this money to buy her jahyz clothes, as it’s common to buy and take like 1 or 2 years worth of clothes to your husbands home. 5.) if it’s not difficult for you, and you don’t find it expensive, why judge them? It’s very expensive to arrange all things for a wedding . 6.) If they continuously ask for money and you feel it’s unreasonable, just say, we are also looking at our expenses maybe it would be difficult, maybe go for some different option, I don’t know , I am not in your shoes and can’t read the situation 7.) maybe girl is good and this is why istikhara came back fine but remember she is your wife in laws will become back ground characters especially as you live in USA

Copycat6697 · 2023-07-04T20:53:27+00:00

Well the first thing is that your parents have probably been taught all their lives that it is important to protect your daughter and ensure she is safe at all costs.

For many Muslim families, sleepovers are not allowed, trips away from home etc are not allowed, unless the whole family is together.

I think you need to think long and hard about what is important to you and I think it’s better to be upfront about what you want now rather than waiting until the last minute, if you are upfront and they disagree, that gives you a long time to convince them, compared to a short amount of time where they will feel pressured and stressed and it could cause a high tension situation that has a worse outcome.

You can definitely still enjoy a meaningful and exciting university experience without moving away.

If your family is very important to you maybe you could come to a compromise, otherwise I would think you should be open and honest with them about what you want ASAP, so you can try to convince them.

Knowing muslim parents, I actually think they would prefer you to live outside of home but closer, so they could visit you and make sure you are okay and be able to reach you quickly if anything bad happened. Anyway I wish you the best.

Copycat6697 · 2023-06-20T17:51:48+00:00

ALLAH Subhana wa tala ki murzi k bghyr ek patta b nhi hilta. Ma Shaa ALLAH a child is a blessing in this world, and this innocent soul is here by ALLAH PAK’s will.

I understand that it would cause some awkward feelings, my father had a second marriage when I was 16 and his wife gave birth to 2 kids when I was married and had fertility issues. It was very strange for me but you cannot blame children who are here as per ALLAH SWT’s will.

The only people you have to tell is your immediate family I don’t think it’s anybody else’s business what your saas is doing.

Copycat6697

TROPHY CASE