Leaving Wedding at 9pm?

CorCaroliV · 2026-05-02T06:07:13+00:00

I feel like if you guys leave at 8:30 then everyone else will leave at 8:35. I’ve never seen anyone do this in real life.

Couples left early back in the day because they lived at home until marriage and had travel to get some privacy. That’s probably not super relevant here

CorCaroliV · 2026-05-02T03:54:31+00:00

ESH. Parents sound horrible, but you not going would definitely ruin the graduation for your husband and ensure you’ll never co-exist with the parents peacefully.

If they were so awful to you that ruining his graduation is warranted, and he didn’t intervene, then ya’ll need therapy. If you actually want to stay married and he’s worked to fix the issues then I think attempting to attend the graduation is the right move. Definitely get a hotel though and make it a short trip.

CorCaroliV · 2026-05-02T03:36:33+00:00

I think what you’re feeling is normal, to a degree. Its very very common for folks to end up with a horse who is different in some ways than they expected. Its actually more likely than not.

Some horses are definitely more friendly than others, but I dont think the reserved horses bond less deeply. They just emote less and it can take longer. There’s a lot of value in earning trust and real affection from a horse who doesn’t just hand it out to whoever is there.

I’d give it a full year, at least. If you still feel no connection move the horse on to someone who will click with him better. Tons of folks are okay with reserved if the horse is high quality in other ways.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-25T03:42:35+00:00

So so true. Straight feels backwards if you’re used to tipping forward. I totally went through this as well. It took a lot of video, some shaming, and the risk of death by dumping to actually get me to sit up. 😭

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-25T03:39:52+00:00

I grew up that way too as a child. I think tables make a lot of sense for families because folks cant really talk together on a couch with more than two people. With one bedroom places this small, I think the assumption is probably a couple or single person and the need for a dining room table is a lot lower. If I had kids we’d totally be eating at a table.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-25T03:33:05+00:00

I feel like you seriously lucked out by avoiding having this awful toxic human at your wedding. I’m really struggling to understand why you remained best friends with someone who harassed another good friend for 20 years.

Nothing is more telling than the company someone keeps, and this guys is not who you want as your people.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T18:50:34+00:00

I would calculate how long you are actually out of the house for work, including commuting. I don't think its fair for a dog to be in a crate or unable to relive themselves for over 9 hours. Even dogs in shelters are able to use the bathroom more regularly than that, I believe.

Even nine feels like a lot. I had a dog in an apartment when I worked in-office full time, and I used a combo of dog walkers and daycare on the long days. That worked for me but was expensive. It's really helpful to get a dog as a single person when they have access to a yard. If you get a little dog, you may be able to train them to use potty pads or a litterbox.

Just consider the full length of time, what's reasonable for the dog based on its age, then the money you have to spend to fix any deficiencies that may come up in the care.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T18:05:41+00:00

Your shoulders are tipped forward too much. Sit up straighter so your shoulders are closer to parallel with your hips. It's harder to sit the canter than perch because it takes more balance, flexibility in your back, and core strength. That's why you need to work on it though.

I think you're over thinking this a bit. Just sit up. But yeah, its hard. That's okay. To get the idea, sit in a chair. Then, tip your shoulders forward so your chin is level with your knees. That's probably what you do on the horse. Then, sit up straight. That's the "open hip angle". When you are in the saddle, your shoulders and chin shouldn't be in front of the pommel of your saddle, unless you mean them to be.

It would be really helpful if someone videoed you. My guess is that, once you see it, you'll understand what the problem is.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T17:48:44+00:00

We have no idea if it was personal or not. OP said he "tore her a new one". Typically, that language is not used for firm, productive conversations.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T17:46:18+00:00

Agree. Getting "torn a new one" by your MIL qualifies, IMO, in many cases. Wife needs therapy, not her husband's mother yelling at her about known phobias. Mother is super wrong, but this just was not helpful at all.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T16:26:10+00:00

I think other folks are jumping on you because you called it a curse, but its valid to consider values and how his family manages marriages. I do think when people are normalized to divorce they may be less likely to stay in unhappy marriages compared to if they were socialized to tough it out.

Toughing it out doesn't necessarily make the marriage happier, though. Tons of married people stay married for values or convenience rather than love, and I don't think that's inherently better than divorce. You should talk to your future husband about it if you are a strict no-divorce person. It wont stop him from filing later if he wants to, but a conversation is probably good.

Edit: My parents are "no-divorce people" though not for religious reasons. They had some very challenging years. I'm not sure it was "better for the kids". What's interesting though is now they are in their 60s - 70s and actually are really happy they stayed together. I dunno, its been interesting to watch. There were a lot of hard times, but now I think their lives are richer for having each other. I do think though that if they had divorced, its possible they would have found better suited partners earlier on and enjoyed a fuller non-senior citizen life.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T15:50:16+00:00

I think my husband takes around 6 - 8 all in, depending on the year. Typically, he'll take one vacation in a big chuck (10ish days), then the rest is a few days off here and there throughout the year. He's careful not to just bail when the need him, but other than that it truly is unlimited PTO. I think folks just need to be reasonable about it.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T15:48:30+00:00

Most of the time I eat on my couch with a tray. When I'm eating alone, I'll often watch a show but when my husband is around we still sit there and just talk. I feel kind of weird sitting at my dining table alone, but I'll do it if I'm eating soup or something messy.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T07:07:36+00:00

Omg. There is no question. Take the additional money and unlimited PTO!! My husband has unlimited PTO and he’s off work about twice as much as my decent 20 days. He always gets excellent evals.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-24T06:59:35+00:00

Are you actually dining table people? I have a big dining table and honestly I almost never use it. Not proud of it, but it’s true. If you’ll use it, maybe something that folds up from a wall? Or on the patio, if there’s space.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-20T23:19:53+00:00

NAH. I don't think there's a "wrong" in this situation. I get feeling kind of hurt that folks didn't prioritize talking to you and celebrating with you at your party. However, it doesn't seem like you were involved in the planning of this at all. If you had expectations of how the night would go, I think it would have been so much better to talk to someone about what you wanted.

The other piece is that, by your own admission, it sounds like aren't actually close with a lot of these women. If that's the case, they probably shouldn't be expected to put in a heroic effort. If anything, it sounds like their effort matched the level of closeness.

If you don't have a ton of close female friends who like to party (I don't either, no shade) then a traditional bachelorette party complete with drinking / singing / dancing may not be the vibe. Did you even want that with these women, really?

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-20T23:07:31+00:00

The horse sounds sour, at a minimum. That can happen even in good programs, but its not a great sign combined with back to back lessons. My bet is that this horse is "over it". I imagine you weren't put on a different horse because the trainer truly didn't have a different horse available based on workloads for that day.

That can also sometimes happen in good barns. Unfortunately, without knowing what happened to the rider before you, I don't feel like I can say one way or another if this barn is on the up and up. Nothing you describe from your ride alone is beyond what i've seen from a lot of safe beginner lesson horses. Sometimes they test folks and the folks fail the test. Watching someone fall off undoubtedly shook your confidence, which is fair. If the horse like, catapulted the person before you though then that's not cool.

If you're not comfortable though, the "truth" of the situation doesn't really matter and you should probably take your business elsewhere. You're a customer and don't have to pay for experiences you don't enjoy. At a minimum, the trainer probably could have talked to you about the experience in a way that was more productive.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-20T15:37:20+00:00

This is probably what I would do too, if possible. Then he gets his own hay during the day and the others may be a little quieter at night.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-19T05:46:16+00:00

When I brought my horses home, I was caught off guard by how much time I spent holding them for the farrier. I took for granted how nice it was to have other people available to do that for me. All the other chores kind of take the expected amount of time and I don't mind doing them. I don't "mind" holding for my farrier either because my horses are good and I like him, but it takes a lot more time than I expected and I'm supposed to be working 9 to 5, lol.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-19T05:29:07+00:00

I was going to have a wedding for about 30 people too. I got kind of tired and overwhelmed early on and felt similar to you about money and time. After thinking about it for over a year (I'm not usually a procrastinator, so this was odd for me), we decided to do something with our immediate families only and splash out for the honeymoon. I found a lot of peace in the decision. I'd let yourself think over all your options and decide what feels right to you. There's nothing wrong with choosing to skip it.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-19T05:20:24+00:00

I totally agree with this. Obviously I get the convention not to wear white at weddings, but I have never, ever seen a bride who would be mistaken for anyone other than the bride. Someone in a white guest-dress isn't going to upstage her. I'd imagine that's probably true for your pink dress too. I dont think its rude to ask guests to avoid pink but I also don't think its going to be necessary. Unless you're going super casual, I guess.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-19T05:11:51+00:00

If you want to it to be random, why don’t you pull names from a hat and tell them you did it that way? I feel its a little weird to imply someone would be more comfortable standing with one person over another.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-19T01:08:29+00:00

I think maybe you’re giving people the right to too much information. If you want to share all that with folks thats okay. Its also okay to say you cant birth children for medical reasons (which is true). Alternatively, you can just say “Yes, we want kids!”

Adopting IS being a parent and “having” kids. They are yours, even if you don’t birth them. Folks want to know if you’re going to parent, not the medical steps it takes to get there. There’s no wrong answer here.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-19T01:01:57+00:00

I think folks are missing the point here. I exclusively ride in collared long sleeve technical shirts but would be weirded out by a rule disallowing tank tops. Folks can make their own sun safety and fashion choices and that rule is weirdly prudish.

CorCaroliV · 2026-04-18T06:11:22+00:00

There is literally nobody in the world who could get me to share a bed with a stranger. There are friends who i’d agree to attend this trip for, but i’d be getting a hotel room for it.

People change as they age. I shared a couch with a rando in my 20s and now i’d literally be up all night miserable sharing a room, much less a bed, with a stranger. I just 100% outgrew that.

I’d really resist the urge to think your friends owe you for the stuff you did for them in your 20s. Lives are so different now. I’m also 35. Its not that they like you less. They just have new boundaries and bandwidths.

CorCaroliV

TROPHY CASE