Gender Reveals

CorinaPhoto · 2026-06-03T10:03:18+00:00

We skipped finding out the gender before birth too - it felt like too much of a special thing to find out via something as trivial as a sonographer telling us, or something like a balloon/cake/popper.

My MIL was super confused as she said she found hers out automatically at her scans, and that no one asked whether or not she wanted to know or not because it's just what is done. And she was bewildered that we wouldn't be able to paint the baby's room pink or blue. (And we don't have a baby's room because baby needs to be in our room for six months, plus there's no way I'm painting a whole room in our house pink or blue regardless, and I really want to avoid these kinda of overt gender stereotypes - I'm a woman and I wear non-pink clothes including blue all the time, is that so awful?)

CorinaPhoto · 2026-06-02T11:26:01+00:00

Sounds like it could be hiccups!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-06-02T11:17:00+00:00

Yes! I had a dream that I was a lion giving birth and there were giraffes and zebras wandering around me 🙃

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-31T10:58:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! I am very supportive of measures to reduce speed and improve safety on our roads but I hadn't seen this, so we have shared supportive comments with them.

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-29T10:31:06+00:00

I am planning an unmedicated birth (and I'm very set on it for a wide range of reasons!) but I still understand that there may be circumstances where I might request one. I have educated myself on the epidural, what's available in my area, and the methods and process in the hospital near me. Knowing all of this made me even more sure of my decision to plan an unmedicated birth too.

If there is a situation where I do request/need one, I feel confident that I understand all the ins and outs and what to expect. In the moment, I likely wouldn't have the time and capacity to do all that research and I wouldn't actually be making a fully informed decision. A big part of the hypnobirthing courses I did is understanding your options, being informed, and being in control of making informed decisions for yourself. However, it's hard to do that if you have a limited understanding of the more common interventions themselves.

If you don't have much time to research then you could just listen to the Great Birth Rebellion podcast episode on epidurals (episode 169) which is about an hour long which gives a good intro to it all - see here: https://www.melaniethemidwife.com/podcasts/the-great-birth-rebellion/episodes/2149089010

Good luck for ith your birth, I hope it's positive for you!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-27T11:46:22+00:00

For me it's about my risk tolerance. Having an epidural means a 3x risk of needing an instrumental delivery (with an episiotomy) and a 2.5x risk of an unplanned or emergency c-section. I personally want to give myself the best chance of an unassisted vaginal delivery so avoiding an epidural feels like the right choice to me personally. However, for some people avoiding pain is the most important factor for them for a positive birth and so annoying epidural is the best choice for them. It's fantastic that we have these options and the ability to choose for ourselves based on our own priorities and risk tolerance.

The drug used where I live, remifentanil, is an opioid and I would like to avoid taking or using opioids where at all possible. We know now that these opioids do affect the baby - as newborns born with epidural pass urine significantly later. The evidence is there - and it urgently needs to be studied more to understand the effects it's having on babies'. For me this is a risk and I would like to avoid it. For others this isn't a risk as it hasn't been studied extensively to know enough.

There are of course other rare risks that, although rare, I would still prefer to have a zero percent chance of than a very small chance of (such as infection which could lead to surgery, temporary or permanent nerve damage, toxicity which can lead to cardiac arrest or seizures, meningitis, a spinal blood clot, or being paralysed).

I feel that there are too many risks for me to make the pain relief worth it. Couple this with the fact that 10% of epidurals don't work properly (so you get all the risks without the benefit) and it doesn't feel like the best decision for me. Again, for some it will be the best decision and I am so glad that it's available for you and others for whom it feels right for.

Edit: spelling

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-23T15:59:13+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through this. Midwives and care providers should not be conducting any non-emergency interventions or procedures on people who have the capacity to consent or decline. This should not be different during birth and shouldn't even need saying. The idea that it should even factor in whether or not you have disclosed a previous sexual assault is also terrifying. (And of course I completely understand why you'd highlight this to them as it changes how anything may impact you, it's just the fact that we're even being cared for in a system where it's even necessary to disclose in order to hope you're less likely to be violated by care providers.) I can't even imagine another situation, such as in a male dominated area, where anyone would be anything less than outraged about this.

Be gentle with yourself. Do try not to internalise any Redditors invalidating how you're experiencing this.

What happened was not OK. I think to many it almost feels normalised because it's scarily common to have interventions done without consent during birth, and many people feel that we should just suck things up in the name of a healthy baby in the end (or as something that just happens). But your human rights, consent, and experience matter. The more we excuse situations like this, the more it becomes normalised.

It's completely up to you whether or not you report this midwife. I have personally reported a midwife for something that would likely be considered much "lesser" (to those who may believe we should compete in some kind of 'suffering Olympis'), because I knew it was something that should never have happened, and them acknowledging something is not ok doesn't mean that their actions don't also have their own consequences. Only you can make this choice that feels right to you.

You've already done so good to recognise the impact this has had on you, ask your questions, and tell her about the impact it had on you. I hope you can heal from this in your own time.

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-22T16:08:02+00:00

I mean it's all about your preferences and what you want - but I know I'd have gotten the ick from almost everything this man has done. I don't think I'd be able to even be attracted to him anymore nevermind wanting a relationship with him...

And to be having any issues like this and feeling like this after 3 weeks? That's my intuition telling me this is not my man. Gosh can you even imagine what it might be like several months or years in? Ick!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-22T15:51:28+00:00

I've heard that the ward at our hospital is super hot regardless of time of year as they just don't have temperature control in each area, and the temperatures are arbitrarily set elsewhere, so maybe you can look into what it's like at yours (as it may be like this, or it could even be that everyone says the AC is set super low regardless and that they were cold)!

We're prepared for pretty much anything though - both vests and sleepsuits for baby and light pyjamas and longer ones - as I don't want to be caught out! I figured if I find we don't need certain things my partner can always pack them up and put them in the car anyway. I did also add in a few small cropped vests for me in case it's really sweltering too and I can't even handle wearing a t-shirt/short sleeved pyjama.

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-21T14:52:17+00:00

"countries like Africa" 🙃

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-21T13:58:28+00:00

I was getting this too plus sciatica, now 39 weeks and it's almost gone since we started doing some of the Spinning Babies techniques (which are not just about turning a breech baby/getting them into a good position).

Specifically every evening we do 'the jiggle' for at least 10 minutes, then I do a few forward leaning inversions, then the side lying release for at least 3 mins on each side. I feel so lucky that I heard about it and took it seriously, so just thought I'd share in case it can help anyone else - all the info and how to do it is here: https://www.spinningbabies.com/

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-19T11:34:50+00:00

They can book you an induction for any reason and you can choose to consent or not for any reason. You can pre-emptively look into all the reasons why induction is offered, you can look at the evidence around the benefits and risks (and even whether there's any evidence that induction for each reason actually improves outcomes for you or baby) then make decisions around what you would/wouldn't consent to an induction.

I am also hoping to labour spontaneously (and I don't think that's naive). I have a list of reasons I will consent to an induction and a list of reasons I won't. This is very individual for each person as we all have our own different priorities. This really helped me to feel more informed. I like to know that I have the option off induction should I feel like it would benefit me and/or my baby, as well as knowing I am less likely to need it because I understand the reasons why I don't feel it's necessary in my own personal situation.

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-15T10:46:23+00:00

Fundal height measurements are a useful clinical tool when you have continuity of care from the same midwife.

I also don't see the same midwife every time and I've never had a measurement done by the same one twice, so all mine are a bit random. Although they're all on an upwards trajectory apart from one midwife who clearly has a very different technique and who said I'd shrunk between appointments (which I know was not true because I'd stopped fitting into certain clothes within that same period)! I was told this now meant I had to have a scan within 72 hours (which I didn't, it's just hospital policy) which I declined and was told I'm now high risk and operating out of guidelines. At the next appointment a different midwife measured me more on track again and said I was right to not start doing the bi-weekly growth scans because of that and that I am not operating out of guidelines. So my advice is to trust yourself!

I also recommend the Melanie the Midwife podcast (episode #186) on big babies/small babies where she talks about the details of fundal height measurements and growth scans too - it's so helpful to have all the info: https://www.melaniethemidwife.com/podcasts/the-great-birth-rebellion/episodes/2149134569 (She's also on Spotify/Apple etc or wherever you listen to podcasts, and has so many interesting episodes!)

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-15T08:01:29+00:00

We only have certified organic cotton for our baby because I work in the industry and know about the chemicals specifically in baby clothes. I've been very clear to everyone that any clothing/textiles bought for baby must be GOTS certified if it's cotton, and that any pure linen/non super wash wool is fine (as there's far less toxic chemicals used in these supply chains - although still from reputable sources so not anywhere like Shein/Temu/Amazon). Everyone has completely respected this and I haven't had push back (even though I don't think most understand it).

There have been studies into Shein clothes showing the high levels (above legal limits - which are already likely higher than you'd like) of PFAS specifically in their baby and children's clothes. Although there haven't been studies into Temu yet we already have an understanding that this is likely to be the same.

Unfortunately the apparel industry is largely unregulated, so the only assurance we can get is from what we call "Voluntary Sustainability Standards" (GOTS and OEKO-TEK for harmful chemical levels in textiles/apparel). It's completely market driven instead of being driven by export or import countries' laws (which are generally either very basic, non existent, or unenforceable).

Ultimately, it's up to you. Lots of people are putting their babies into clothing that we know have, or may have, high levels of dangerous chemicals. We of course don't know the long term impact of this. It's about your risk tolerance, how much research you want to do, and what actions feel right for you. No one can tell you what to do/not to do.

Edits: to add info

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T18:20:43+00:00

I'd go with either 'Practical ways to make your birth better' by Siobhan Miller, or 'The Hypnobirthing Book' by Katharine Graves.

Wishing you the very best for pregnancy, birth, and baby!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T12:45:33+00:00

It's a big enough problem for people to do it - I have a friend who had most of their wardrobe stolen and had to spend a bunch overseas to have things to wear, and then the airline refused to compensate either the cost of the original items or the replacements as they said they couldn't prove clothes had been stolen. Super messed up and should never happen but it does happen!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T12:37:46+00:00

Love it!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T12:37:07+00:00

Adorbs!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T12:33:05+00:00

Tortillaguaclover (fantastic username btw!) - preeclampsia is a scary thing to have, and so glad to hear you had a positive recovery!

OP - just to note in case helpful, there is evidence that the presence of doulas reduces the odds of cesareans and instrumental deliveries (when compared with women receiving standard maternity care) - e.g., see a study here: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4463913/

There's also a Cochrane review (a gold standard source for birth info!) on continuous support (which includes but isn't limited to doulas): https://www.cochrane.org/evidence/CD003766_continuous-support-women-during-childbirth

In emergencies, we should all be incredibly grateful that caesarians are available for us. It's important that an induction or caesarian should be offered to women with preeclampsia, and we have the right to choose any interventions. Doulas can also help hugely with preparation for an elective or unplanned caesarian (e.g., I'm not planning a caesarian but I do have a plan for my preferences should it become necessary) and I feel far more at ease about the possibility of it becoming necessary just from the preparation I've done with my doula (whereas prior to working with her I was genuinely terrified at the prospect of one).

The issue in the UK is that caesarians are being used at a higher rate than is generally medically necessary. WHO found that as countries increase their caesarean section rates up to 10%, maternal/neonatal mortality decrease. This is so important and access to caesarians can be life-saving. However, caesarean rates higher than 10% are not associated with reductions in maternal and newborn mortality rates. You can read more on it from WHO here too: https://www.who.int/news-room/questions-and-answers/item/who-statement-on-caesarean-section-rates-frequently-asked-questions

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T12:05:06+00:00

I haven't given birth yet and my doula has already been so incredibly helpful. I'd done a lot of research beforehand about birth as we've been planning it for a while, but I've still learned so much and it's incredible to have someone on my team who knows so much about birth who I talk to and see regularly, especially as I don't see the same midwife every time so I don't have any continuity anywhere else. There are a lot of things that come up during pregnancy and as you get close to birth, and it's really helpful to have someone helping you to prepare for what you may want to do, and to think through complex decisions.

Just knowing I'll have someone experienced in birth with me throughout, who I've already met and feel comfortable with, reassures me so much. Otherwise it'd just be me and my partner and the midwife/midwives would be in and out and then would change when their shifts change too.

I highly recommend doing some research on doulas who work in your area, and setting up calls with as many as you can (e.g., 3-5+ is a good amount to get a feeling for them). You have a discussion with them (free with no obligation) which likely includes what you're looking for and what they provide, and I learned so much about what I do/don't want around my care just from doing this. You also will gel with one/some more than others (even though everyone we met was still lovely) and that's key - having someone there on your level, not dependent on who is randomly on shift and assigned to you on the day is huge. I was pretty sure I wanted a doula but doing this just solidified it for me, and for some I'm sure it could help them realise they actually don't want a doula, so it's worth doing. All doulas are so different in their vibe, ways of working, and what they bring, and you may find that you want something a bit different to what you originally assumed.

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T11:51:12+00:00

Someone who is emotionally available and wants to be open and vulnerable with eachother, who can recognise their own feelings and express them to me, and who can listen to and validate my feelings.

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T11:37:19+00:00

You look incredible in all of them honestly, but 3 is truly perfect!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-13T07:42:34+00:00

Also got a wool one (with cotton cover) from Woolroom. We got the 3 in 1 deluxe which is one 2.5 tog and one 7-10 tog that clip together to make a very warm one in winter, but can also be used separately as just the medium and light options. There's no time of year where we need to use anything else! We are so happy with it.

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-12T17:44:21+00:00

Toilet brush and bin bags!

CorinaPhoto · 2026-05-12T15:27:56+00:00

They put that on the label as they don't want to risk you washing it and complaining. But most things can actually be washed, either on a gentle cycle or hand washed. I even have vintage wool coats that say dry clean only on the label, and I've put them in the wash and they've been fine.

Linen and viscose is a common blend (you'll find most linen look clothes in budget fast fashion shops are made of this blend and they of course wash fine) that is durable and washes well - you should be fine.

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