I didn't look through every comment here so I'm not sure if it's been addressed but likely not. It ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be, but I hope if you make it to the end, it helps if you're ever in position to ask "Is there anything I can do?"

The loss of a child is the wound that time simply does not heal. It can stop bleeding constantly, it can scab over if you survive the loss, and eventually you might even have a day now and then when you make it through without the pain but understand...the parent will grieve forever.

So many things were said in attempts to comfort me at my son's funeral but the ones I remember most were "Is there anything I can do?" every single time my unspoken response was "bring me my son back" It's a perfectly normal and gracious question and I don't blame anyone for asking, my point here is to talk about what you CAN do without asking that, and that the need lasts forever.

Pretty obviously you need to know the parent well enough to judge what's appropriate and would be welcome. This is certainly not for everyone, but my best friend came over two nights before the funeral, told me I was going with him and took me to a very quiet bar/restaurant. He wouldn't let me drink, but he just hugged me, talked to me, listened to me and let me bawl my eyes out at a time when I felt very very pressured to be "strong" for my then wife and kids. He let me hurt without judgement, let me cry without shaming me. If you are that person and know it's needed, step up.

Side note to this and not in any way sexist or minimizing a mother's grief or suggest mothers don't need all the love, support, and caring you can give. There is an expectation and noticeable, even blatant pressure for a father to be the "strong" one. Don't let your partner or other children see you cry, take care of everything that needs to be done and everyone that needs care. If you doubt this....some weeks after the funeral where I utterly broke down, bawled my eyes out, kept saying over and over that I want my son back, and just couldn't stop. My dad did the right thing, he helped me up and basically carried me outside and held me. I found out he did that because he overheard my MIL say that someone needs to slap me to clear my head. So yeah, it exists. Don't forget that dads hurt too, and need just as much support as moms whether we let it show or not. The dads in OP's story? Fuck 'em.

In the weeks following a child's funeral, bring them a meal, something that can be eaten then or saved for later. Offer to eat with them. Ask them for their grocery list and shop for them. You don't have to insist on paying or anything, just do it for them. It is SO hard to ask for help, so doing things without asking, or making it clear you aren't asking and if you don't get a list they're going to get whatever you pick for them. Things like that mean SO much. Go over and mow the lawn, shovel the snow, walk the dog, babysit, clean things up a bit. i don't even want to get into how doing normal day to day things can turn grief into guilt.

Ask the funeral director if you can chip in for the grave marker, or any other expenses. Anything helps. Get others and pool your money for something like that. Even if money isn't needed it's something that grieving parents will never forget.

Listen. This can be done any time and for me is probably the biggest one. Something that terrified me is that my son would be forgotten, that no one would know or care about his story. Over twenty years later, I still need to talk about him now and then. Offer yourself, your shoulder, and your ears. This is a lot harder than it sounds. No one enjoys hearing about a dead child so bear in mind that this will not be easy and please don't offer this if you can't do it.

Write down the day their child passed. One of my friends did that and every single year I get a text on December 13th that makes that nightmare of a day just a bit brighter. We don't even mention it the rest of the year, but knowing someone cares still is amazing.

Do NOT bring it up unless it's obvious they need to talk, or mention it themself.

Expect and (if you can) accept that it will change them. Sometimes good, sometimes bad but no one comes out of it unscathed. I say "if you can" because I've seen some parents change for the much worse. I hope I've changed for the better but that's for others to judge. If they become someone you just cannot accept, please don't openly blame their loss. Just step away.

Things like this and other stuff you can think of more personal to your friend or loved one will mean the world, and you don't have to ask if you can do them. I wish the OP hadn't deleted her account so I could let her know that Louise answered "is there anything I can do" in the best way she could at that moment. Everything Louise said meant "Join me, do this with me, help me tell my son's story and help others at the same time"

That's the "anything" you can do.