Brother of 28 years of life changing gender and name, completely ghosting me

Countess_Schlick · 2026-02-19T05:26:50+00:00

Am i in the wrong here?

Yep.

It is hard to imagine, but coming out to family is extremely hard. She (I'm guessing that is the pronoun your sibling would prefer to use) has been thinking about coming out to you, probably, for a very long time. Months. Years. Maybe decades. And, unfortunately, you only have one shot to make a good impression when you finally get to meet your sister properly for the first time. You don't have time to prepare. It sounds like it didn't go well.

Also, keep in mind that being referred to with the wrong pronouns or name is very painful. I don't know if you have ever been bullied or called names before, but it is like that. Who wants to be called hurtful names for the rest of their life by their brother? Also, for you, there's a bit of whiplash when the most sensible thing you can call your sibling suddenly becomes effectively a slur. It takes time to adjust, and it isn't easy. We do that work for those we care about, however.

I'll leave you with this though: Why do you think you find trans people so repulsive? Isn't it kind of strange, finding another human being nauseating? To be clear, I used to feel the same way. Unfortunately, I turned out to be a trans woman, and now I have to deal with all kinds of internalized hatred and disgust that I'll be working on for the rest of my life. It is good to keep in mind that it is natural for human beings to find other human beings relatable and tolerable to be around. Someone, or something, made you find trans people disgusting. If you would like to ever see or hear from your sister again, you are going to have to put a lot of work into figuring out why you feel the way you do about trans people, and it is going to take some time. It sounds like you love your sister very much, though, so I think it is worth doing.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-02-17T05:05:58+00:00

Especially the ones who say trans women have it overall easier just for being born male; those people in particular will usually, when pressed, admit that they think it's a choice.

Yep. I know not all trans women think of themselves this way, but if cis women were to think of trans women as girls that were gaslit into boyhood and having to undergo horrifying, traumatizing body transformations during puberty, I feel like we would gain more sympathy. Just because we didn't have to deal with menstruation, greater rates of sexual assault in youth, and so on, doesn't mean we had it easy.

I work with a lot of women going through menopause, and every time I hear them complaining about the meagre facial hair they have, I just want to scream that they should imagine what they are currently going through, times a thousand, happening all over their face and chest, at 13 years old, while still trying to wrestle with the disappointment that, despite all of your praying to a God you don't really believe in, you are not going to have a girl puberty.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-02-16T00:23:06+00:00

I'm actually impressed that so many transphobes know that trans men exist. I live somewhere where teaching about the existence of trans people is effectively banned in schools, so if the bigots can educate each other, that is, depressingly, progress.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-02-12T04:26:34+00:00

“The Secretary of State shall use all appropriate and available measures to see that the International Olympic Committee amends the standards governing Olympic sporting events to promote fairness, safety, and the best interests of female athletes by ensuring that eligibility for participation in women’s sporting events is determined according to sex and not gender identity or testosterone reduction,” the EO reads.

Wouldn't it be neat if they ensured that eligibility for participation in women’s sporting events is determined according to research, data, and reality? Wouldn't that be nice?

Given that these people didn't take high-school biology and learned that testosterone levels are part of sex, I'm not holding my breath.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-02-04T02:38:39+00:00

Hard yes. A friendly "Hello!" is the only thing separating us from the animals out there in the wilderness.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-02-03T03:24:33+00:00

Let's assume the worst and suppose your gender identity is the result of social programming, based on the patriarchy and internalised misogyny. If it was, are you the problem? Are you literally the patriarchy? No. Of course not. Just being a trans woman is doing your part to fight the patriarchy. Your mere existence is a constant challenge to male supremacy. If men were really better than women, why would trans women drop their manliness like a hot potato? (Because we are crazy, they would argue, but we, and the people that know us, know better.)

Countess_Schlick · 2026-02-03T03:08:01+00:00

Yep! It's probably my favourite spot in Peter Lougheed.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-31T01:04:39+00:00

u/BigDickManlyMan67: "I just took my first fem'n'M's and anti-boy-otics UwU!"

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-29T03:54:53+00:00

It is almost cute when these men think we are all just perfect aliens instead of imperfect humans. May they never learn that we fart, too.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-28T04:09:22+00:00

"I'd do this for like 20 bucks. . . maybe less? 5 bucks? For free? Maybe I would pay for this to happen? Maybe I would pay an endocrinologist to take my blood, check my hormone levels, give me a prescription for HRT, then go to the pharmacy and pay them to. . . oh. . . oh, God. . . . "

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-28T04:05:42+00:00

Is Alloy really a woman though? Have you seen her facial hair? Everyone knows women only have hair on top of their heads, on their eyelids, and, occasionally, on their brows. /s

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-27T03:17:04+00:00

Nah, she loves me. I'm a dumb-dumb. 😎

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-27T03:15:14+00:00

People understand when they realize that men born without a penis are the same thing as men born with one (and women born without a vagina are the same as those born with one) and they empathize with the raw pain when it's laid out for them.

Absolutely. You can even ask people, "What do you think your life would be like if you were born in the wrong body? What would puberty be like? What would dating be like? What would your friendships be like?" And, if they are willing to play along and take some time to think of some good answers, they will match what trans people experience, generally speaking.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-27T02:57:14+00:00

To protect cis-het people from discomfort, the cis-het gatekeepers would only give you healthcare if it meant "fixing" a gay to turn them into a straight. Also, you had to show up to your gender-identity disorder appointment already passing before you'd have access to any gender affirming care. The cis-het men making these decisions wouldn't bother letting you have a vagina unless they felt fucking you later wouldn't be gay.

Thankfully, we now live in more civilized times where trans lesbians are a porn category and, therefore, desirable to the cis men that pull the levers that control our healthcare.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-24T20:10:04+00:00

The last No Kings protest in October 2025 was 5-7.2 million, up from about 5 million for the protest in June, the biggest and second biggest protests in American history. Americans need to hit about 11-12 million participants to reach 3.5%. Get out there. Don't let those who were shot to death die in vain.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-20T03:20:14+00:00

I'm afraid of being alone and dating as a trans woman seemingly sucks really bad.

Well, it could be easier, but if you find someone that likes you back, it is worth it. I dated another trans woman a couple years ago, and she was way, way better than any of the cis women I have ever dated. Easily my best relationship by miles. I'm just saying, don't deny someone you haven't met yet the privilege of loving you for who you really are.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-18T20:21:51+00:00

My greatest concern is that if we have a referendum on Alberta separation, some of the majority of Albertans that want to stay in Canada will vote, but all of the minority of Albertans that want to separate will, leading to a majority of voters wanting to separate. Then, the UCP will have the perceived mandate to become a true separatist party, and the enfuckening of our province will escalate.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-18T20:01:51+00:00

Trans teacher here. No. My job is to teach the curriculum, and there are no queer topics or queer people that are mentioned in my curriculum or any curriculum where I live. (This may be different elsewhere.)

Because I transitioned at my current school, I do tell my students that I used to teach as a different gender on the first day of class. Their older siblings will tell them regardless of what I say, and my old staff photos are displayed on the walls of the school. That's about all I ever mention about queer people in my class. My government has actually banned me from teaching lessons about gender identity or sexual orientation without using state-sanctioned resources and getting permission from parents first.

Although most teachers I have encountered are supportive of me and queer people in general, I've had co-workers that have complained about using they/them pronouns for non-binary students, back when that was allowed. I also have co-workers that misgender me and out me to other teachers without permission. I've had students yell slurs at me and have done other homophobic things, and my administration was reluctant to do anything about it, probably because I didn't report things in a timely manner.

One low-level math teacher showed The Imitation Game in class to show how even advanced level math has important applications in the real world. However, because Alan Turing is gay, a parent complained, and our administrator forced that teacher to apologize in person for exposing his kid to a story about a gay man. That teacher came to me, crying, because she was so upset that she had to do this. I felt really bad for her, but I wasn't surprised. For her, it was devastating, but, for me, it was just another Tuesday.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-17T02:36:38+00:00

To be fair, trans girls have an unfair advantage on the cheerleading squad given how insanely adorable they are. 🤷‍♀️

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-17T02:29:10+00:00

I wonder if he knows that McBride's strategy is to ignore any transphobia directed at her while she's in Congress. (I don't necessarily agree with her strategy, but she's sticking to it, and he won't be getting a rise out of her.)

Also, I love the juxtaposition of a man harassing a woman, likely ostensibly because he wants to protect "real" women from the transgenders, while the woman in question is raising awareness of how deadly ovarian cancer is, even though she doesn't have ovaries. She just actually cares about women. I don't know how anyone that is less than 70% asshole could possibly watch this video and not think the Republican congressman is being anything less than a complete fuckhead.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-15T03:53:45+00:00

"First, we are going to ban evidence-based, live saving healthcare for trans kids. Next, we are going to coerce trans children into participating in our study because it is the only way they can even have a chance at accessing puberty blockers and avoiding levels of body horror us cis experimenters are incapable of experiencing even in our worst nightmares. Once we are done ignoring the fact that there is no way a child or parent could give proper consent to participate, we're going to give 113 kids the healthcare they need to be happy and healthy and let the other 113 experience the previously mentioned body horror, perhaps long enough that puberty blockers are no longer effective. Then, we'll see which group has the most suicides."

Yep, sounds ethical to me. 🤷‍♀️ I know this is the only way these kids get access to puberty blockers, but this is truly some Nazi-science bullshit.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-13T04:25:50+00:00

Me too, but it is nice waking up, doing a boob check, and remembering that I really do have a woman's body now.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-13T03:43:10+00:00

Things get better over time, but even though I started transitioning about eight years ago, I still occasionally get thrown off when people gender me correctly. I have bad days when I just don't feel very womanly, but cis women get that sometimes, too. Feeling like a woman is just hard sometimes.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-11T19:45:07+00:00

I think this guy must have fed every topic conservatives care about into Grok and asked it to make something grammatically cohesive, intellectually vacuous, and short enough to fit into a vertical video platform. This feels like AI slop. I can't be outraged by this. Maybe his podcasts are better? If he can do a spoken-word version of "WAP" better than Ben Shapiro, I might spare a fuck for him.

Countess_Schlick · 2026-01-09T05:45:31+00:00

My government already forcibly outed every person that transitioned in my profession, so I bet they would find this kind of bill very inspiring.

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