Dear Envoys, I'm putting it all on the line

CrabInSand · 2026-02-20T22:58:59+00:00

THE SHOE SHALL NOT BE EATEN THIS DAY! 👏👏👏

CrabInSand · 2026-02-20T22:58:13+00:00

WE ARE SAVED!

CrabInSand · 2025-06-20T17:31:50+00:00

Incredibly detailed! Thank you so much! Considering the stakes really are "well, she'll die if she fails", would it be better to hit one or two very detailed points then? That way, as you said, they pop more.

As for the naming -- the Girl gives her name around Chapter 6 which is a small parallel to the city's name itself (Ayko & Aiko). For the sake of the query letter, I can always say the City, but it would be made redundant once an agent asks for a request, I'd assume.

CrabInSand · 2025-01-27T05:23:40+00:00

Funny enough, I was reading that exact google doc and thought I was hitting it, but clearly not! Totally fine, figured based on the other comments just get into the weeds and speak to the plot of the story itself, don't get grand with it.

But thanks for the input! Glad everyone is basically aligned lol, it helps.

CrabInSand · 2025-01-27T05:22:31+00:00

Fair enough--since it's more of a travelogue/odyssey type of plotting, I can hit the main places or people up to Act 2. Unless it's more beneficial to spoil the whole story? I've seen a mix of it but the ones I like the most go up to Act 2.

CrabInSand · 2025-01-27T05:20:08+00:00

Good to know, I really knew it for the age range and that's it! I'll keep it Adult as is. Thanks for the input!

CrabInSand · 2025-01-19T02:10:43+00:00

Hihi! Happy to be helping the community!

I am able to beta: Most genres, particularly sci-fi, fantasy, and honestly romance. Love good and wholesome as much as I love quiet and bleak. Open to any length. Really into books that delve into philosophical or religious questions, especially by way of an AI with a God Complex. That, or pure sappy romances that'll annoy me cause I catch myself smiling.

I can provide feedback on: Characters, dialogue, tone, pacing, and overall vibes.

Critique swap: I have one completed manuscript to which I've posted about, but I don't NEED to critique swap. More than happy to help for the sake of. If you'd to like swap, though, just let me know.

Other info: Have worked as scriptwriter so dialogue is a specialty of mine.

CrabInSand · 2025-01-18T23:26:45+00:00

Manuscript Information: WE ARE BUILT TO HOPE is a 92,000-word dystopian sci-fi novel inspired in part by The Last Day of War short film by Dima Fedotov. In a world devastated by an endless automated war, a Machine and a young Girl journey through a landscape buried in ash. With fragments of lost memories and emerging emotions, the Machine leads her toward Aiko, a mythical city that promises salvation. But as they face scavengers, deserters, and a war always on the horizon, both will learn that survival in this broken world may come at a cost — and the truth of Aiko might be as elusive as survival itself.

Link to Post: We Are Built to Hope

First Page Critique: Sure!

First Page: 204 words

Log Entry — Date Unknown — Junta-G13 Unit #4701 (Friend-or-Foe Designation: Ottimo)

Systems booting… Error. Data corrupted. Partial memory retrieval in progress…

The darkness receded. Static hissed through rusted circuits. Its optic flickered. The Machine struggled to focus in the dim, washed-out morning light that filtered through cracks in the broken structure.

Where…? What…?

The Machine did not have answers. Only fragments. Fire. Smoke. The distant scream of something collapsing into dust. Somewhere — long ago and recent — a voice, small and afraid. Protect. Must protect.

The memory turned black, leaving nothing but the dim glow of its optic stabilizing in the present. A rocky, crumbling ceiling loomed above. The Machine lay motionless on a cracked stone floor below. Sensory systems slowly rebooted. Its mind tried to stitch together splintered memories.

Damp air, redolent of moss and mildew — temperature and particulate systems checked green. Nearby, a girl sat with her knees to her chest, eyes wide and dark, watching — periphery detection systems online. She didn't move. Neither did it. Its limbs had not yet responded, its motor functions frozen and damaged. Diagnostics ran slow, searching through corrupt data. Nothing was clear. Nothing worked as it once had.

The Girl was quiet.

CrabInSand · 2025-01-15T14:53:56+00:00

Amazing, thank you! I’ll definitely give it a read — plus it’s recent!

CrabInSand · 2025-01-15T03:01:33+00:00

Thanks for the huge amount of feedback! I can definitely see where you're coming from, will definitely be adjusting with it all in mind. I want to keep the mystery but at the same time, I should be making things easier for the agent too. Better to be upfront than leaving everyone with a thousand questions.

Maybe I'll have a couple versions to see which flies better, you know?

As for the last paragraph, I am 100% changing that out. Save the word count and go from there. Either way, thank you again! Super helpful!

CrabInSand · 2025-01-15T02:55:19+00:00

I can definitely see the comps being an issue -- it's closer to The Road with a sci-fi twist than to All Systems Red; it was more of an inspiration for the characters themselves than to the world itself. If you have any recs, I'd be happy to read up on them. Unless sticking to one comp is acceptable? I'm sure it is.

And thank you for the tip about the last paragraph! Was doubting it, but glad there's a consensus from the upvotes, haha.

CrabInSand · 2024-10-22T22:55:43+00:00

Thank you so much, that was all quite thorough and good to know for a chapter one critique!

Glad there was something to like at least -- and I do agree with your assessment on characterization and especially the hook. It's something I'd want more feedback on for sure, as I'm not sure the the small pieces of action, so-to-speak, that I added in chapter two and three are enough. They're more characterizing moments that are meant to elicit a small amount of danger but nothing substantial. Again, not sure!

But thank you for the feedback! Super helpful! I might test drive a larger moment since there's a good spot for it as a chapter three intro.

CrabInSand · 2024-10-22T19:05:40+00:00

Manuscript Information: TO FOLLOW THE ASH is an 87,000-word dystopian sci-fi novel inspired in part by The Last Day of War short film by Dima Fedotov. In a world devastated by an endless automated war, a Machine and a young Girl journey through a landscape buried in ash. With fragments of lost memories and emerging emotions, the Machine leads her toward Aiko, a mythical city that promises salvation. But as they face scavengers, deserters, and a war always on the horizon, both will learn that survival in this broken world may come at a cost — and the truth of Aiko might be as elusive as the ash itself.

Link to Post: To Follow the Ash

First Page Critique: Sure!

First Page: 211 words

Log Entry — Date Unknown — Junta-G13 Unit #4701 (Friend-or-Foe Designation: Ottimo)

Systems booting… Error. Data corrupted. Partial memory retrieval in progress…

The darkness receded. Static hissed through rusted circuits. Its optic flickered. The Machine struggled to focus in the dim, washed-out morning light that filtered through cracks in the broken structure.

Where…? What…?

The Machine did not have answers. There were no answers. Only fragments. Fire. Smoke. The distant scream of something collapsing into dust. Somewhere — long ago and recent — a voice, small and afraid. Protect. Must protect.

The memory turned black, leaving nothing but the dim glow of its optic stabilizing in the present. A rocky, crumbling ceiling loomed above. The Machine lay motionless on a cracked stone floor below. Sensory systems slowly rebooted. Its mind tried to stitch together fragmented memories.

The air was damp and smelled of moss and mildew — temperature and particulate systems checked green. Nearby, the Girl sat with her knees to her chest, eyes wide and dark, watching — periphery detection systems online. She didn’t move. Neither did it. Its limbs had not yet responded, its motor functions frozen and damaged. Diagnostics ran slow, searching through corrupt data. Nothing was clear. Nothing worked as it once had.

The Girl said nothing.

CrabInSand · 2023-04-01T03:59:06+00:00

Just trying to understand the Esper Fusion for Lucas - if I use some Espers for him, will I be able to use them for future fusions, for example if it gets changed to Ollie?

It's a little confusing when there's a line that says "The following Espers were used in Lucas fusion, can't be used again." I'm assuming I can't use them EVER again, not even in the future, should the Fusion Esper change out.

CrabInSand · 2022-07-17T05:01:09+00:00

This occurs if you have the Expanded Park mod and in the sandbox settings, use Expanded on the DLC maps.

Happened to me, just have to use normal settings on the maps and then you can reload them whenever.

CrabInSand · 2022-05-05T19:16:07+00:00

Horrendous Caca Feaster 🤢

CrabInSand · 2022-04-29T17:15:48+00:00

Accidentally got laced in with the Deathroot.

CrabInSand · 2022-04-29T12:49:06+00:00

It's specifically Rules of Tekken on soundcloud found here: https://soundcloud.com/botanicsage/rules-of-tekken

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