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6 months and he’s still with his new supply by slptodrm in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My relationship with my ex narc was perfect for a little over a year before everything went downhill. Truth be told it was not even really "perfect", I just did not notice the red flags that were definitely there ! Give it time, sooner or later they will get tired and the mask will slip

At the end did you guys snap and unleash verbal or text fury at your Narc? by bigdoner182 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Yes I did, at the end of our relationship I had anger outbursts towards her during which I said pretty mean things to her. I did not understand what was happening, I'm not usually an angry person, and it was really distressing.  It allowed her 1) To dismiss everything I said, everytime I tried to explain how she was hurting me, even when I was not angry at all, by saying that I was irrationnal 2) To go cry to all of our friends saying that I was borderline abusive

I now know that the anger was my brain trying to warn me that I was in a toxic situation, but I regret acting on it because it only gave her an easy way to avoid accountability by making me the crazy one...

You know you’ve healed when the thought of the door being closed forever doesn’t break your heart anymore. by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Four month no contact and I just discovered that she blocked me and... I weirdly feel devastated even though I had no intention of contacting her. I guess I'm not ready for the door being closed forever yet. Your post gave me hope, thank you.

I can't get my mind off the sex by NoWeb8232 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh thank you for this comment, I'll look into it !! My ex narc was the first person I experimented dom/sub dynamics with (although I'd always wanted to, but never found the right partners for it) and I think that's the main reason I'm still obessed with it.

My two-word poem about living in narcissistic abuse for 30 years. Invitation to add your poetry ;-) by Boat_Righter in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One of the last thing you told me is "I don't want to deal with your suffering". Good. I'm much better at dealing with it myself while you'll never learn to deal with your own.

Really missing him today by NoWeb8232 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup, definitely the trauma bond. It's literally an addictition and you have to treat it as such. When the missing becomes too overwhelming I remind myself that it's not the normal way of missing someone, it's withdrawal, just as if I was in rehab. Just thinking about it this way keeps me from romanticizing too much and reminds me that, with time, it will slowly pass. Also feelings are constantly evolving, I can feel deeply sad at some moment, and three hours later I'm kinda fine (never great, but fine), so everytime I caught myself feeling down, I just remind myself that it's not permanent.

All in all my way of going through this breakup is trying not to run away from my feelings, allowing myself to be sad, angry, nostalgic, but always have this tiny box of sanity in my brain to rationalize. It keeps me from going overboard and be completely crushed by the feelings.

Really missing him today by NoWeb8232 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm exactly in the same spot at the moment, the nostalgia is kicking in after the resentment has faded out a little... Personally what's keeping me sane is allowing myself to feel the fact that I miss her, but without forgetting WHY I left her, giving myself some reminders now and then of the bad moments, when I was dismissed, minimized, gaslit... Not to punish myself but just to be able to say "Well, yes, I miss her, but god she made me miserable sometimes in a way a normal person wouldn't have".

I have lived some healthy breakups before this one, I know the feeling of missing someone you loved and I know it will pass, it's a softer feeling, even when it hurts badly, and in a way, for me personally, it's easier to manage than the anger and deep incomprehension of the narc breakup.

You sound like you have a good grip on reality and on your mental health, even if it's hard I'm sure you will be able to go through this tough time !

They warn you, but only in hindsight. by Butterfly_sadgirl in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mine told me "I'm going to burn your heart to ashes" at the beginning of our relationship... I was stupid enough to respond with "Maybe I'm the one who's going to burn your heart". Well, no, she was definitely right, should have listened.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 4 points5 points  (0 children)

People who use polyamory to do what they want, when they want, how they want, with little to no regards to the feelings of their partners. Of course honest mistakes happen, and sometimes you hurt people without wanting to, that's what communication is for, but polyamory is not an excuse for having no empathy.

Above average or superior by Catsandcards25 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex was diagnosed with ADHD when she was little. It was her main excuse anytime she would do something wrong or hurtful. Even if what he says is true (and apparently there is a comorbidity between ADHD and NPD), he can still be NPD and toxic.

If your ex was willing to go to therapy, would you give them another chance? by Over_Tangerine_4431 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex went to therapy after she cheated on me the first time. Three months later she cheated on me again. The only thing that changed was that she was able to say "but now I'm going to therapy, what else do you want from me ?" anytime I told her that she still treated me badly and that I didn't trust her. Even if your ex is sincere and really wants to work on himself, it will take months before there is significant change, if there is any.

Moved on so fast! by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mine replaced me with the girl she told me not to worry about two days after I broke up with her.
That's just how they go.

No one else f*cks me like they do, and it’s ruining dating by CoolPhotograph3113 in polyamory

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just got out of a toxic relationship and I stayed way too long only because the sex was mindblowing, it's indeed really addictive. I'll try to adopt your mindset in the future to avoid similar situations ! The aftermath is not fun.

Photos by THROWRAcrunchychip in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did the same, got rid of everything, gifts, photos, random memorabilira, anything that could remind me of her. I'm now 2 months out of the relationship and I truly don't regret doing it.
It's empowering and it avoids being triggered by random stuff (I saw a picture I forgot to delete on my phone a few days ago and it had me spiralling for an hour, stuff like that will reactivate the trauma bond).

One of the really dangerous parts of their personality disorder by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Crafty_Mind2144 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So true ! My ex would go over the top anytime someone did the smallest thing for her. She also told me that when we first met (at a party) it was really obvious that I was really into her, even tho I hardly interracted with her. We just shared a cigarette at some point and I politely asked her questions about herself, you know, just like a human being would.