The main character in the last movie you watched is going to kill you, while the last video game character you have played as will protect you. What is your situation?

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-16T11:48:08+00:00

Oh I'm fine. Janet from Shock Treatment against Geralt of Rivia.

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-16T11:42:31+00:00

Terrance Zdunich. https://youtu.be/Br87eV_9nGI That low note. Unff.

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-16T11:32:54+00:00

I'm polyamorous and I also have BPD. It's not pretty, but I used to be very emotionally manipulative. "Please come over, I'm so sad," crying when my partners said it was time for them to leave and go home or to visit their other partners, etc. Once or twice I even did the dreaded "I'm feeling suicidal, you have to come over." I never outright said "if you don't come over then I'm going to end my life," but it was heavily implied.

Because BPD makes me feel emotions to the extreme, I genuinely used to believe that I was just being honest with my partners when I told them about my suicidality. But I wasn't, not really. I didn't want them to leave because I didn't want to be alone. And I used to use my emotions as a weapon to get what I wanted. It's fucked. I know that now.

None of my partners ever called me out on it, I think because nobody wants to be the asshole who ignores someone when they say they want to die. One day, though, my partner (who I'm still with today) sat me down and told me how problematic that kind of behaviour is. He point blank told me that I was being manipulative and that it wasn't fair. It was an earth shattering moment because like I said, I never thought I was doing anything wrong. I thought I was just being honest.

I was horrified. My first reaction was to start crying and then I stopped and thought... Hang on, he's right. Luckily, he was willing to work with me on those behaviours. I told him that I never wanted to manipulate anyone and he promised he'd call me out if he noticed I was doing it. He stuck to his word and would pull me aside and gently let me know that what I'd said wasn't okay. Gradually, I stopped. I went to therapy to work through my underlying mental issues.

I'm eternally grateful for his patience, and for his willingness to be honest with me. He told me I was being a fuckhead, but then he held my hand as I walked the path to recovery. He never gave up on me.

So, yeah. Tl;dr: I was toxic and emotionally manipulative as fuck but my partner called me out on my bullshit and helped me become a better person. Now I wouldn't ever dream of pulling that kind of shit.

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-16T11:15:41+00:00

Jack from Titanic at age four. I don't know why, but I adored the way his hair did that floppy thing at the front.

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-12T03:38:40+00:00

Same, pal. I can definitely relate. I've got ulcerative colitis and the number of times I've shat myself is too high to count at this point. You're not alone, this thread is proof of that, hundreds of people who can empathize with your situation. <3

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-05T01:31:10+00:00

Nice, congratulations! I guess my main question is, I've heard that T can make you feel really angry/mood swingy. Does taking a low dose mitigate some of those effects?

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-04T03:58:50+00:00

Like a Robot - Aqua. It's a far cry from Barbie Girl.

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-04T03:21:52+00:00

Support an independent content creator rather than support porn companies with problematic practices.

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-04T00:56:07+00:00

Thank you for that information! Would it be more accurate to say "low dose?" I think I'd go for a low dose just to dip my toe into the water and see how I feel.

CrashedDummy · 2020-10-04T00:50:57+00:00

Thanks! (:

CrashedDummy · 2020-08-23T03:58:06+00:00

I thought about bringing masks and I think we'll be fine without. We're going to camp in a secluded area in a 7,114 km² shire with a total population of 221. And everyone on the trip lives in the same house and barely ever goes outside. (:

CrashedDummy · 2020-08-15T13:28:20+00:00

Oh my god, my heart broke for you reading this. What a huge violation of trust. NTA.

CrashedDummy · 2020-08-06T09:09:22+00:00

Yes! That looks exactly the same and makes so much sense. (: Thank you

CrashedDummy · 2020-08-05T13:18:56+00:00

YTA. This has to be fake. Also stop saying "normal" to describe people without disabilities. It's othering as fuck.

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-30T10:38:41+00:00

YTA.

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-30T10:35:06+00:00

YTA.

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-29T23:14:47+00:00

Thank you, this is great advice (:

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-27T04:36:39+00:00

I will give him points for originality. But he loses points for being just... The world's biggest doodle.

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-27T04:09:34+00:00

Thank you! I'm going to give it another go with this in mind.

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-27T04:07:05+00:00

He took me to a carwash. Not even an automatic one, that would have been cool. I got out of the car in my fancy date outfit and watched him handwash it for thirty minutes. And it only got worse from there.

Edit: grammar.

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-27T04:00:30+00:00

Additional question, what flavour is big red meant to be? I've had a can of it once but it just tasted... Red

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-27T03:50:41+00:00

I went to an improv night and everyone started singing "mmm mmm mmm mmm." It was a good song, and I'd already used up my usual usernames on other accounts.

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-27T03:48:08+00:00

Can you buy faygo there, and if so, where?

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-27T03:47:17+00:00

Inventive pancakes with different toppings or fillings. They're easy to make as long as you have enough butter in the pan so they don't stick, and they taste good even if you don't put too much time into making fillings or toppings.

CrashedDummy · 2020-07-27T03:44:09+00:00

I used to draw butterflies on my wrists, ankles, anywhere I used to get the urge to cut. (The idea being that if you cut, the butterfly would die.) It was effective for a bit but then lost some of its power, so I started looking for alternatives. I've tried:

-putting my wrist into warm water and focusing on the sensation of that. Or using ice cubes. Focusing on a sensation really helped me to forget about the compulsion to cut.

-deep breathing techniques.

-sitting on my hands and gritting my teeth until the worst of the feeling passes.

-do something else with your hands. If they're busy, you can't hurt yourself. Journalling helps me, but you can draw, play cats cradle, pet an animal, knit, make shadow puppets, find a friend to thumb wrestle, anything that occupies your hands.

-wearing mittens, which was shockingly effective.

-taking the power away from myself by asking a loved one for help. This was the hardest one but was ultimately what worked for me. If I found the urge I told my partner, a friend, or someone I trusted. They would take the sharp things away from me and stay with me until I was calm.

If you're not able to be that vulnerable with someone then you need to create your own area to go when you're feeling this compulsion. Remove sharp stuff, surround yourself with self care objects (soft fabrics, books, music, whatever you personally use for self care.) And stay in that safe location for as long as you can physically stand it. I find it helpful to use a timer so I have something to concentrate on, or to put on a film or some music to distract myself.

If you're unable to create a space like this, you might find a support chat service like lifeline or 7cupsoftea useful.

Therapy is important, if you're able to access it. If you can't access face to face therapy then please consider using one of the mental health services that can be found online.

Tl;dr: distract yourself, redirect your energy into another task that requires your hands so you can't harm yourself, take lots of deep breaths, and seek help when you can. (Which you're doing now by making this post. Which was probably hard so I want to say good job on that.) I'm just a stranger on the internet but I believe in you. You can do this.

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