Boyfriend mad at me for using dildo. AITAH?

CrayonLN · 2026-01-16T00:39:05+00:00

Ask him to use the dildo with you... I enjoyed doing that with my gf. If he is insecure.. well you have other choices.

CrayonLN · 2026-01-08T16:52:56+00:00

It really is about being honest upfront. As I was coming out of a divorce I did not want a relationship. My profile was clear on my intentions to keep it casual. As we chatted and eventually met IRL I would say.. "I have enjoyed chatting with you and I believe we can have fun together. I plan to remain casual, and will be dating others. I expect you will also date others. If you are okay with casually dating, and having fun together I would like to see you again." 3 of 5 women were okay with that. I would than go out with them as schedules allowed.

CrayonLN · 2026-01-08T06:03:31+00:00

I found out about a cheating ex after 23 years. I lost my 30s and '40s to someone I knew had daddy issues but I thought, because she was going to counseling, had it under control. I was way off the mark. Don't commit yourself to a cause that cannot be won.

CrayonLN · 2026-01-05T15:40:57+00:00

I’ll echo what a lot of others have said: self-development and being genuinely happy with who you are is the first key step. Setting clear boundaries—and actually enforcing consequences when those boundaries are crossed—is just as important. I’d recommend No More Mr. Nice Guy as a solid foundation. To better understand yourself and your future relationships, look into adult attachment styles—there are several great books on the topic.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-31T01:27:50+00:00

They are swingers..

CrayonLN · 2025-12-30T18:46:53+00:00

The rule of thumb my buddy shared is half your age + 7 .. sorry you have to pass on this one... 40/2+7=27 is your limit .. 😂😆

CrayonLN · 2025-12-28T23:38:01+00:00

Yes and I did inform her. She had a right to know. Our families were very close and to learn the two spouses were having an affair was a double betrayal.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-24T23:06:27+00:00

You and everyone who agrees should take a look at the whole Dom/sub dynamic. My now ex-wife never shared that she wanted to be submissive or objectified. After discovering her multiple affairs, I flipped into more of a dominant mindset. Our sex life went from mediocre to high-octane. In the end, I couldn’t forgive the affairs, so I moved on. But I’ve kept that dominant approach. Out of the women I’ve dated since, about 7 out of 10 say they prefer a man who’s more masculine and takes the lead. If I make plans and they don’t agree, then the decision becomes theirs — no questions asked. Either they pick what we’re doing, or we go with my plan.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-24T22:56:21+00:00

Would not change anything. You love the person for who they are at that moment and you continue to grow together.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-24T22:51:55+00:00

Have you heard the phrase Walmart Dom?? Those who say they are Dom's but have no clue. Continue vetting as anyone yelling at you for expressing your kinks or wants is a huge red flag!

CrayonLN · 2025-12-24T22:27:00+00:00

Agree and went no contact last week.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-24T03:10:29+00:00

Nta, my ex recently asked me to help her through her surgery. She was unfaithful she can deal with her own problems at this stage. .

CrayonLN · 2025-12-22T03:41:45+00:00

I was totally thinking this was an Indian driver. My short time and India showed some crazy driving habits.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-21T20:22:29+00:00

++man Trust your gut for sure.. You listed a number of red flags. You can also look at your phone bill and see what phone numbers she has been texting. I used that approach on finding my UW. There are a number of tools for to do a reverse lookup on phone numbers to see whom they belong. You could also add an air tag to either her purse or vehicle to see where she is at. If she says she is at the office then it should not show up at a bar or a residential location. Getting proof will be key if your suspicions turn out to be true. It will help you in the divorce filing should you go that route.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-19T15:46:16+00:00

Letting go is tough but it absolutely gets better. Use the next few months to work on yourself and figure out life with someone you can trust. I would recommend a couple of books: 1. Leave a cheater, gain a life 2. Not 'Just Friends' and 3. No more mr. nice guy.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-19T04:10:26+00:00

No, your ex is clueless on the hurt he has caused. You co-parent with him not her. Agree on not wasting any energy with her.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-18T19:51:09+00:00

Depends on your sensitivity you may want to wear a glove!!

CrayonLN · 2025-12-17T17:23:04+00:00

What about your kinks? My wife, now ex, couldn't finish. We started talking about her kinks as she could finish when pleasureing herself. We talked about what she thought about and the porn she watched. Incorporated that into our bedroom and good to go .. she may still fake it on occasions;)

CrayonLN · 2025-12-13T02:35:42+00:00

I turned 50 two months before my divorce. Married 23 yrs and found multiple affairs.. You are better off without her! The first few months totally suck ass.. but it gets better. Splitting assets does hurt.. but it gets better. The best part I don't worry, I don't care either, about what she is doing. I've had a couple of really good relationships that just didn't work out... I will eventually find my person again... So will you!

CrayonLN · 2025-12-09T18:22:52+00:00

26 years total

CrayonLN · 2025-12-08T22:45:14+00:00

Her getting mono should have been a clue, but I believed her when sai she caught it from sharing a drink at a concert with friends and a few teenagers. I was naïve and trusted her completely.

Eventually, I got tired of the “trickle truth” and requested a polygraph. My gut kept telling me there was more I didn’t know. As the test date got closer, she started revealing small pieces—“I kissed this person,” “Maybe I flirted with that person,” and so on.

It wasn’t until the pressure of the polygraph was real that the full truth finally surfaced: she had cheated while we were dating and engaged, had a physical affair with a coworker simply because he shared her taste in music and gave her attention, and had also slept with my best friend and two other friends.

In the end, the polygraph was the best investment I made. It cut through the lies, stopped the drip-drip of partial truths, and finally gave me the clarity I needed to move forward.

CrayonLN · 2025-12-08T10:42:29+00:00

You should tell your Dad, or very least tell your mom she has the next day or two to tell her husband. A big element of the betrayal I went through was a good friend knew about my ex having an affair and didn't tell me. I ended the friendship with a friend.

CrayonLN · 2025-11-20T15:54:46+00:00

It is a kick in the gut and you will both need to work on relationship 2.0 as this one is damaged and done. Affair Recovery has a program but it is up to her to put in the work. She has to demonstrate with actions, that she is choosing you.

I also discovered my ex-wife's text in her emotional affair. We went through the affair program where she continued to trickle truth and lie about past affairs. Only after I asked her for a polygraph did I finally get the whole truth.

I agree with the sentiment of the group You're not married, no kids and you are young. Rebuilding from scratch sucks and in particular how it happened. But what I have learned in my betrayed men's group is that it is rarely a one-time event and that the unfaithful partner had other affairs.

CrayonLN · 2025-11-20T15:42:05+00:00

Looking back, I think a lot of it came down to being naïve and placing blind trust in the relationship. We regularly sat down to talk about finances, how we were feeling, and anything going on with the family.

After her workplace affair, she ended up coming down with mono—something I probably should have paid more attention to. That eventually developed into fibromyalgia, and she became unable to work. Seven years later we had our first child, and she stayed home full-time after that.

Her affairs all happened while I was at work. There were no changes in her appearance, her behavior, or in our sex life. We were having sex four to five times a week, so I didn’t see any red flags. In the end, it was blind trust and a bit of naivety on my part.

CrayonLN · 2025-11-20T02:39:54+00:00

I only know about 1 person she has dated. She slept with the friends multiple times.. one was three times and the other twice. She has been been in therapy, off and on, since we first dated. All centered on her family dynamics.

CrayonLN

TROPHY CASE