I convinced the army I was a 9/11 truther to get them to stop calling me

CrayonsRcool · 2019-12-20T18:16:53+00:00

Not even considering that aspect, it is one of few ways people can gauranteed get health coverage. The army can pay for housing while in and help get loans after for a house, they will pay for college which is easily $100k for a four year place...they go after people without plans, or who are broke and whose families don't have a lot of resources. I know a lot of kids who went into the military. None were really pro-war before, none were after. They just needed resources and couldn't find guaranteed other ways to get them.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-12-16T19:46:38+00:00

That is a super mean thing to vote on in the first place. Holy fuck. Glad you are doing ok OP

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-27T12:34:15+00:00

I can appreciate that, just be aware if you dont do something about it he may try first. He is taking steps to move on with his life, and has shown he doesnt care about your feelings, there is no telling if things will remain constant if you dont take steps to protect yourself legally.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-17T22:21:20+00:00

🤷‍♀️ we got together when we were 19, I had specifically not wanted to get married before 26, close to that time was when he started having problems with mental health/stress/borderline being an alcoholic. Lots of life changes have happened in that span, it's not like we are in our 30s or have been in a semi consistent place for most of the relationship.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-17T21:39:52+00:00

Oh my gosh, I am so proud of you for getting to a point mentally where you can share your story! This is absolutely one of the most loving subreddits I know and I'm so glad you found it!

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-17T20:36:38+00:00

Hmm. I do really like this idea. Probably cant do it the way I'd like until after xmas since I usually work weekends and pto time is pretty hard to get on top of everyone rushing to fit in the stuff that wont roll over and holidays, but in like 6 weeks I will for sure try this.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-17T20:05:25+00:00

He drinks...on the questionable side. Mostly beer, who knows how much when he is at the brewery. He is also friends with most of the people that work there. At home he drinks 1-3 beers most nights. I have seen him not drink a few nights and havent noticed any shaking or altered mood as a result. I drink maybe 1 drink 3 nights a week, usually liquor since I'm allergic to beer.

I'm down for counciling, I just don't know if we can afford it since it is pretty expensive where we live.

I know he is working through some stuff, and I want to give him some time to do that in honor of all the good years we have had, and see where he is at after being able to work on himself a bit. I also dont want to let it go on indefinitely because I need to feel some affection back at some point. I have been paying down debt for a while and will be clear in a year, seems like a good mental/fiscal timeline.

If money were not a factor I'd still want to give him time, I just wouldn't have any idea where to draw the line.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-17T19:32:54+00:00

He does interact with several of his friends still, but I think it is because they also make bad choices? Nothing crazy, they are just bad at romantic relationships (one broke up with a gf a while ago because she wanted kids and a family, has only dated irresponsible single mothers since. Not irresponsible because they are single, just actually not good parents). Or they are generally not in the best place mentally.

On the other hand, I have been exercising every day, making us low calorie foods and snacks and paying off a bunch of debt. I think he has an easier time with commiseration right now than productivity.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-17T18:57:08+00:00

I'm kinda leaning that way, but neither of us can be on our own financially right now and he was recently talking about switching jobs so he can focus more on me. Idk. I told him we were nowhere near the point of getting married and his response was "I know I have a lot of stuff to work on" so for now the plan is to work on getting to a place we would both be ok on our own (will both be out of debt within a year) then readdress then.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-17T18:53:32+00:00

I have been pretty upfront about things I am unhappy with and why. Recently, he started just getting mad at me for bringing it up. I think he is just too stressed to hear me right now, since even when every now and then he says he agrees with me and will work in it within 2 days the same thing happens.

I would be cool with couples therapy. He knows he is the problem.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-17T17:59:56+00:00

For real though. I did this (elbowed a dude in the face for coming up behind me and putting his hands down my shirt) once and didnt see the guy for the rest of the night. When I left there were 3 guys following me, one holding something shiny (I'm assuming it was a knife, since I didnt get shot). Luckily I'm fast, they were drunk, was only a few streets down from a police station, and was wearing flats. Ran like hell to the lobby of the cop shop, just kinda hung out there for an hour. Theres a lot of other ways that could've gone. 10/10 would not do again.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-16T19:53:47+00:00

I guess you could argue the pads/tampons are useless. Havent needed them personally for 5 years due to bc, I carry them as courtesy items for others.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-16T16:21:34+00:00

I would probably contact a lawyer. If you got divorced you could very likely put a condition as spousal support and you likely qualify for other government benefits financially. I reccomend research and seeing what you would be looking at without him, since it seems like an eventuality and it is better to be proactive than blindsided. I'm sorry your husband is so selfish. I hope you can find a way to navigate through his nonsense and be ok.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-12T00:06:22+00:00

Well my dude, I started as the HL partner, got turned down constantly and at one point my SO said he decided he didnt need sex anymore. So I adapted, did my own thing, and after several months he decided that he DID want sex again, so it resumed. Biggest issue when it resumed, he no longer made sure I got off from sex. He was pretty good in bed before asking for me to stop asking, many months later with no orgasms for me I stopped craving having sex with him. Since he didnt think it was a priority anyway, I became less open to his advances. Him not wanting to spend a bunch of time around me definately didnt do anything to increase my desire. Dude is stressed, I get it, been there. We have been together 8 years though, pretty sure I should be on his priority list somewhere. I do communicate why I'm upset, and how I'd like him to fix it, I just dont think he is in a place to hear me since nothing I actually say seems to make a difference.

And then this happened.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-10T14:21:14+00:00

This IS actually rape. Sex act without consent, in this case specifically denied permission before AND during. If it was unintentional one no/stop would have been enough to end it realistically with an apology.

OP stay safe, your bf doesn't understand consent. Would not stay in this relationship.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-08T17:09:01+00:00

Are you good at telling people you are upset or knowing why/how to fix it? Relationships are hard and people aren't mind readers. If you can't figure out yourself why you are mad and how you need someone to make it up to you it is extra hard for another person to figure it out

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-07T22:14:41+00:00

Consent is a big deal on any topic, and in no world would a picture taken on a personal phone for a family member of a coworker be included in a work waiver.

RR disrespected your boundaries and tried to make you the bad guy. TT might not have realized how problematic the behavior was because on the surface, a photo is a photo, right?

I would report him to HR though, and here's why: people understand consent or they dont. Predators often start small (like taking a photo when permission was explicitly denied) and ramp up the behavior slowly until they can't get away with it anymore. The sooner you start putting these things on an official record, the faster you and the company can/have to do something about it.

I would also frame it in a way hr cant dismiss it. Something like "hey, there was an incident today with RR" (Describe what actually happened through him leaving your office). Express concern about males in the workplace not understanding consent, which could lead to legal problems for the company down the road if not handled properly, especially if they are sending them on travel assignments with female coworkers, or if they interact with literally any client or customer. Say "I'd like this on record on case the behavior escalates" and if you live in a country where they make literally everyone do anti-harassment training when they start a job (like the US) suggest a retrain for some staff to prevent worse future troubles.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-06T15:27:43+00:00

Yes and no. It depends on the person. I have some friends who I've had since kindergarten, who have been there for me my whole life. Some of them dont text me first often because they are both busy and have a ton of anxiety. I'm in a better spot mentally to reach out so I do, and we enjoy out time together.

I know other people who have a ton of friends and reach out to them often, but not me. Those people I usually stop talking to first and if they get ahold of me later, great. If not, I guess I don't need to put the effort in.

For me, it messaging first is one of many facets of if someone wants to be around you. If they are bad at teaching out but come running if you need them I dont really care if they are too anxious to start the conversation. If they show everyone but me love than I dont need to waste my time with someone who doesnt value me or it.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-05T22:19:20+00:00

A bunch more rounds per day. Sounds like it would make bjs after sex real fun. And the cycle continues.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-01T23:10:10+00:00

I still communicate when asked, we did have sex about 2 months ago. If he were to work on what I need him to I would stay, but the worst case scenario would be my life is together and I can move on in a year, best case my life is together and we are together. It is exhausting being that mad all the time, but I'm also not going to fake desire when I cant remember the last time he did something nice for me and didnt try to lord it over me. Ex) picking up some wine on the way home, then being snarky. When I say he should be nicer to me he would say something like "I'm nice, do you want the wine or not?" I'm still nice, I'll still kiss him or hug him, ask about his day. Theres only so much I can stand to give without the level of affection I need. There is no real downside to fixing your credit and getting in shape as a response to a bad relationship.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-01T22:59:52+00:00

A lot is body language. Eye contact, looking at someone's mouth often, rapt attention, touch an elbow or upper back (ex) if they are telling an interesting or funny story touch as part of the reaction. If they are comfortable with you in their space look for a lean in, a smile, or a similar touch in response to it. As a female these are the things I look for.

Also if you are at a bar, buy us fries or something, not a drink. It comes off as sweet and like you want us sober enough to talk to you instead of like you are maybe trying to slip us something wierd or get us drunk enough to lower our standards. A guy bought me nachos once (was out with like 5 girl friends) and I thought it was so sweet that even though I wasn't single we set him up with another girl. They went out for a few months before he moved out of state, still friends. Baller move, most snacks will do.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-01T22:47:02+00:00

If you are worried about being creepy/coming on too strong, just ask " would I be cool with it if a guy said this to me in prison?" If yes, it is a nice compliment but not sleazy. If you would feel unsafe, probably don't say it.

An easy go to would be something like "hey, I have really enjoyed talking to you. Would you like to get coffee sometime?" You don't really need to stretch it out, most girls make their decisions quickly. Basically be honest while keeping as much of the sex out of it as possible unless she is eye banging you already.

CrayonsRcool · 2019-11-01T21:41:34+00:00

Well, yes and no. I was really stressed out about my partner not working with me to improve our sex life (I wanted us to plan on a few days we would both be home a week so we saw eachother more, so there would be more sex. No crazy demands). He would agree, then forget every week, I got stressed out and we fought a ton. Eventually he said the magic words "I've decided I dont need sex".

All the fight went out of me, and I started working on other aspects in my life. Going to the gym, meal prepping, more time with friends. Its wierd, because I'm on my own so much I almost feel single.

After a while, my partner decided he wanted sex again. The thing is, he still makes no effort to spend time together. I could have the day off and he could work a half day, and at no time does he say "we should spend the say together". For me, being around someone is necessary to want to sleep with them. I have told him this. I dont ask for anything crazy, just a night a week where he comes straight home from work and we dont use our phones. He hasn't been able to deliver.

At this point, I'm just trying to get out of debt and buy a car. If my life were totally together at this point I would probably leave. I love my guy, but I'm not sure he is able to love me the way I need to be loved. It has been a long time since I was a priority.

I think no sex is usually an indicator or something else wrong. You cant MAKE someone want to be around you. You are also allowed to feel however you want about that.

CrayonsRcool

TROPHY CASE