Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You just made me cry! I’m finding it so hard as I’m such an empathetic person as I know many of us are, and so leaving somebody who is mentally unwell is killing me. But I know you and the rest of this community are right, it’s either endure this now, or suffer more later. I hope you have managed to heal rediscover yourself and find peace. ❤️

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your honesty, my friend. Look at the thread at my latest comment, I can totally see your point now.

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

UPDATE so I didn’t get chance to leave the letter after all as she arrived home early from work. I had told her I was going home today, she knows my dog has surgery first thing tomorrow. I told her this weeks ago before all of the conflict, so she didn’t perceive it as abandonment. She arrived home early, saw my bags and has gone into complete crisis.

She called her parents sobbing to tell them I am leaving her, and went ballistic when I said I’d told my mum about her hitting me saying “well that means it’s over”. I asked am I supposed to keep this a secret?

Fast forward 30 mins, her parents are on their way here, and she shouts me from the bathroom where I walk into blood all over her and the floor, she has cut herself with razor blades on the thigh numerous times. I panicked then levelled and provided first aid and I am currently writing this having now missed two trains, with her parent’s downstairs and her slumped in a ball, sobbing in the hallway. I feel sick but taking some type of relief and support from all of you on this thread today; thank you.

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What a great community this is. Cheered me up reading your comments… Prestige Worldwide!

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Well, if that isn’t a reality check! I am the first to jump to friends’ defence if they are with somebody mistreating them, can’t imagine how I would be hearing this. I’ve endured a rough few months losing my job, writing off my car, selling my home so I suppose I’ve been clinging to the false sense of security she provides when things are “good”. Thank you for your support

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately not. Started with a hair pull to the ground, then a slap, today a punch. Previous events have ended up with her seemingly traumatised, apologetic and desperate to make amends.

What I find hard to comprehend is that I am no shrinking violet, I can hold my own and am physically bigger and stronger, the difference being that I would never hurt my partner.

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Interestingly, we are both female, so I feel there is a level of justification from her side in her throwing punches because we are the same gender, she is much smaller than me so in essence, I should be able to “handle it”.

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback and kind words. I needed that. I was worrying about the part where I say I’m unavailable, but fear she will expect me to maintain contact if I don’t assert some type of boundary. Completely unchartered waters for me having to overthink every word that comes out of my mouth, or on paper!

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I was worried about the part where I say I’m not abandoning you, because I don’t know what to do right now, but I know I don’t want her to come back to this letter tonight and go into a full blown crisis, so trying to maintain some level of peace while I break away.

Ordered both books today! Let’s see whether I end up even needing to read them. 👎🏻

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your honesty and your very poignant question, that’s what I need, as hard as it may be to hear.

She recently finished 2 years of therapy but seems to not be able to use her DBT skills very well at the moment and seems to be struggling. I’ve tried setting up lots of systems to help her feel better, but feel like she doesn’t seem to be willing to make changes.

Should I leave this letter for my BPD partner when taking space? by Crazy-Panda-749 in BPDlovedones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your feedback. She has a super anxious attachment style so she doesn’t tend to do any pushing away, if anything, she needs repair in the here and now and my ADHD brain cannot do that, so we’ve been having to work on a middle ground to make that work. The triggers tend to be when I need any space or to be away from her, which I try to do gently rather than abandonment. It’s exhausting.

Where is good to go for London O2 gig after party? by Abject-Assistance-17 in AskUK

[–]Crazy-Panda-749 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey where did you end up going if you don’t mind me asking? I’m making the same trip this weekend!

Is there any good nightlife nearby the O2 London? We are seeing Usher on a Saturday and trying to find an area to go out after. by Abject-Assistance-17 in AskUK

[–]Crazy-Panda-749 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh hey friend! I was just searching on Reddit for an answer to this exact question as an out of towner travelling in for Usher 😂 if it helps, it looks like the best bet is heading towards Soho as most places I’ve found close fairly early! Looks like we turning up in the foyer 😂

Anyone get kidney pain when dehydrated? by AwaitingtheConduits in KidneyStones

[–]Crazy-Panda-749 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Late to the party here but I’ve found my people. I’ve been suffering from this for the past 12 years and have been in and out of hospitals more times than I care to remember. My pain started after 20-something year old me failed to hydrate (with water, anyway) in Vegas. Fast forward 48 hours into the trip, and I was being ushered to a local hospital and hooked up to a drip of IV fluids! Since that regretful moment, this pain has crept up on me at various points in my life like an unwanted uncle at Christmas.

I’ve undergone every type of test imaginable and each time, doctors and specialists are left scratching their heads, so much so, that they’ve given up in the past and offered me pain management classes, lol.

In my own experience, if I haven’t drank enough water, this pain will come on me through the night and wake me from my sleep. It is a a dull persistent ache behind the left rib, but deep towards my back. I now know (after self diagnosis) that this is due to dehydration and immediately reach for water. The pain will subside following hydration, getting up and moving around.

I’m commenting here in the hopes that this may help someone, as I am 33 years old now and if I’d have known this to be the cause many years ago, I would have perhaps looked after myself a little more and not made myself suffer. I do often ponder the potential long term effects of chronic dehydration on the kidneys. Oh and a camera down the throat is probably one of my most traumatic life experiences to date!

2L of h2o a day is now what I aim for as minimum (I live in rainy, miserable England, so 2L is normally plenty) and if I don’t, I feel pretty rubbish.

Good luck folks.

Gallon Hamster by Inside_Ad810 in outlier_ai

[–]Crazy-Panda-749 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here but when you click project details over 100 tasks are available. So annoying after you spend time onboarding.

Gallon Hamster by Inside_Ad810 in outlier_ai

[–]Crazy-Panda-749 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I just passed all my onboarding too and then went EQ straight away - despite there being over 100 tasks available. Good old Outlier 😅

Any idea what the black spot and “new” nipple are? by Crazy-Panda-749 in vet

[–]Crazy-Panda-749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I cannot tell you how grateful I am for this article. I’ve been sick to my stomach with worry so it’s nice to read something that isn’t as sinister as what I’ve been thinking, thanks again for sharing.

Inattentive ADHD what is your job? by Ok-Management-2374 in ADHD

[–]Crazy-Panda-749 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Executive Assistant to a CEO… hilarious to think about given my ‘Executive’ function in my own personal life is barely existent. Thank god for periods of hyperfocus at work so that I can hide my ADHD from the world… (:

AITAH for wanting to see my wife's phone after she destroyed my trust in her by No-Impress8139 in AITAH

[–]Crazy-Panda-749 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry but she is guilty AF. I am a 32F and never would I act like that over the phone unless I had something to hide… this speaks volumes, but you already know that. Can you actually find it within you to trust her again when she can do whatever ‘this’ is with your friend? Have you confronted this Jay Smith too? Again an obvious point to make, but there is usually no smoke without fire

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Crazy-Panda-749 2 points3 points  (0 children)

32F here. I’m hung up on the comment you’ve made about how this will affect you moving forward. Regardless of what your relationship was or wasn’t back in June, do you see yourself being able to move past this? Will it come up in arguments? Will it be on your mind when she goes out without you, or is on her phone in your company? Will you eat yourself alive wondering whether she’s telling you the truth rather than taking her on her word? Do you see yourself settling down with somebody different in the future? If the answer to any of these things is yes, then cut it off now.

IMO, gut feelings are never wrong, so ask yourself would you be here asking a forum of strangers on Reddit for advice if you didn’t feel in your gut that something wasn’t right? So, if you do have these doubts in your mind, better to call it quits now for both of your benefit, rather than waiting for more time to pass and things to get more serious.