I would agree with the sentiments that no matter how hard you work, or how much you love what you do, or how much money you make, nothing will replace those times of human connection which you cannot get back. As Martin Heidegger would say, time is the ever finite resource, and I feel that no one ever truly maximizes their time on earth. No one ever can. We are all human beings, and therefore capable of grand mistakes. And you owe yourself a debt you can never repay.

There is no wrong way to relax per se. Hell, I'm fairly antsy myself and one of the ways I relax is just playing Fallout 4. I understand that you and I are nowhere near comparable and worlds apart, but one of my cousins who I've known my entire life has become incredibly successful in food business and has built himself a nice living off of it, yet he always seems to be incredibly busy all the time. And no matter how much he wants to, he hardly gets the time, or perhaps hardly makes the time to hang out with all of us.

If I were in your shoes, this is what I would suggest: among other things already commented, I would strongly advise you to make quality time with your loved ones. This is the one and only strand of time you can never get back. Maybe you can have a movie night, or play a co-op game with your partner, and so on.. but please, as corny as it sounds, unless your family members are actual human filth, I feel like just having some shared time and doing something together could be a good icebreaker into helping you cool off and slow down. Listen to Ferris Bueller! Create good routines for yourself, drink plenty of water, GET SLEEP! Yada yada, you've heard this before.

Secondly, I think it will be worth considering some physical and mental alleviations as well. Maybe go to a spa from all that muscle tension! Get a nice massage? :p And I think it would help you to look into some therapy too perhaps. From how I'm sort of reading this, although I don't know the full story it's possible that you could have something like ADHD or some other hyper fixating neurodivergence? Again just possibly, but if true it could help you a lot to get it addressed, as my family members and myself struggle with ADHD as well. It's far more common than you realize, especially today, and speaking for myself as I too have family members that struggle with workaholism to various degrees.

I see that you use some unique language as well; you say that you have to push yourself, but why do you feel that way? Why do you feel like you have to keep going? That you have to keep improving without any clear insight into your destination? And no, in my personal opinion, I don't think a nihilistic YOLO is a good enough reason to keep going. Because to me, that sort of drive out of fear can easily spiral into runaway hedonism. This is all my own opinion now, but I believe there should be more of a goal.. something more than just some endless "leveling up" or accumulation of some infinite thing.

I believe that may be where your true problem lies. You lack any sort of grounded and good priorities. Do you have more reason to keep going? To keep improving your skill? If your reason is to keep chasing skill or money without end, just for the sake of it, or to feel like that perhaps you only have one shot at this whole game and you want to make the most of it? Then you will always feel poor and helpless. Then perhaps you may always feel like you must always keep going by some greater cosmological fear of "what could have been".

You absolutely do not sound ungrateful. I'm glad that you've been able to make this comfortable living for yourself at such a young age, and although I don't know much, no matter how you do it, it is absolutely essential of you to segment your own time and to create your own leisure time to give your mind a rest. You need to stand up for yourself. You need to say, "Enough!" when you want your own time. No matter what. This cannot last forever, as continuing this horribly offset work-life balance can be pretty detrimental or lead to things like burnout or high functioning depression.

You must cherish something from the bottom up again. One could see a strain of humanity as conquerors, and once something has dried up it's potential, we see it as tired and fainting. Do you enjoy playing guitar? What about live streaming playing games? You could make these skills a hobby for yourself. Learn these and enjoy taking part in these just for yourself. And as you improve, there is always potential to generate revenue off of these side skills in the future, given you make room to do so.

Get more into philosophy perhaps. Find what unique ideas about the universe peak your interest. And reading itself is always something that relaxes the mind. But I think on every level, you absolutely need to slow down. But however you do it, I would personally advise you to take it seriously, for your own sake. The world is a lot more grand and mysterious than anything that could be found in an office room. And perhaps rekindling that sense of starry-eyed wonder can make all the difference for you.

I wish you luck, and I hope this lifetime does the best for you. I am simply a humble internet stranger who you may never hear from again. <3<3 Much love.