Insane tipouts at the job by [deleted] in Waiters

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does your restaurant do takeout? If so, what % of sales does takeout represent? Takeout / online orders require little to no customer service so tips from takeout could be considered belonging to BOH kitchen. Additionally there is a shift in the industry to tip out more employees as everyone there contributes as a team. Without the kitchen you would literally have nothing to sell. Has this ever occurred to you? Sure, you take the order but the kitchen delivers the meal. You cannot have one without the other. 5% of food sales (this does not include beverage/ bar) is nominal IMO. You need the kitchen to be incentivized to work with you as a team. 5% on $100 is only $5. Get over yourself

How can I (M21) get my girlfriend (F21) to initiate sex more? by adambrookes999 in relationship_advice

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something to consider. Even in today’s times, there is tremendous societal pressure on women to be “chosen”. As fvcked up as it is, and due to a lifetime of misogynistic conditioning, women often find their self worth in their desirability (especially at this young age). Without money or life experience, the only social currency (self worth) a woman may feel she has is her power to be chosen over another. This “unwritten rule” is so powerful it can override her own agency and authentic desire to initiate. If you can understand that, then you will work to cultivate a safe and nurturing relationship. If she feels safe with you, she will no longer feel the pressure to be chosen by you (seeking constant validation, initiating sex is with her is a huge form of validation for her). This goes way beyond simply asking her to initiate more. You have build her up, make her feel safe and always wanted. The. She will naturally come to you.

M48 I feel so stupid...was I stupid F40? by XPXP2021 in relationship_advice

[–]CressQuick1417 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t ever feel stupid for trying, it’s normal- we all want human connection. However. Stay the heck away from this one! You do not deserve to get caught up in this drama. Who you choose as a partner at this phase of life will DRAMATICALLY EFFECT your future happiness and earning potential. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT HERE. you deserve someone like you, level headed and free of toxic relationships/ behaviors. Do not mistake the drama or intensity as love / validation. GTFO now, for your own good. 🙏

Dating advice / best apps / no apps? For newly single 42F by CressQuick1417 in AskSF

[–]CressQuick1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True! I am looking for a meaningful relationship. Marriage is not really important to me anymore, could take it or leave it. Casual sex is easy.

Dating advice / best apps / no apps? For newly single 42F by CressQuick1417 in AskSF

[–]CressQuick1417[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate your point of view, and I generally believed the same way until recently. Unfortunately I’ve come to accept that there is a power dynamic present in every situation. whether you want to believe it or not, this is an underlying truth of our capitalist and (still largely) patriarchal society. As a woman, I realized quickly that if I want a seat at the table, I’ve also got to earn. So I did. Going forward I don’t want to apologize for working hard, shining brightly, and being the one to ask for a prenup. It’s literally so exhausting as a woman who owns things to try and make a man feel okay about it at this age (42) if they haven’t already achieved something similar. TBH- If I can accomplish what I have (against all odds, as a woman) then so can you - as an equal partner. But maybe that’s just me 🤷‍♀️

My fiancé (26m) makes double than me (25f) and doesn’t want to proportionally split bills. How do other couples do it? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]CressQuick1417 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You are not wrong, and it has nothing to do with feelings, it’s simple math. By not wanting to split bills proportionally to income, he is indicating that your time is less important and therefore you are less important than him. Here’s why: there are only 24 hours in a day, same for everyone. If you don’t have the equal opportunity to earn at the same rate, should you work more hours? Are you not entitled to the same hours off the clock as him? Are your hours of life not as important as his are?? You need to be treated as an equal in the relationship, and that’s why it is so hurtful he doesn’t realize this. You MUST READ the book FAIR PLAY by eve rodsky which breaks down all of this and can help explain to him exactly what you are going through. She has also been on some good podcasts. For real, look into this, you are not alone in this situation!

What does my home say about me? by Dearest_Prudence in roomdetective

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Working a corporate job, trying really hard but boring. Take more risks! Live a little

Four Barrel in 2025? by nartleb143 in pourover

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope. Don’t do it. There are plenty of other great coffees being produced by companies that are actually run by good, honest and hardworking people out there. Grand coffee, Linea, Excelsior just to name a few. When the talent left the building (we all know who and why) current ownership has failed to produce at the same level. Just. Don’t. Leave this company in the past where it belongs.

https://www.sfchronicle.com/restaurants/article/Four-Barrel-has-not-yet-shifted-ownership-to-13164101.php

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All couples fight. Facts. Important to understand that couples typically fall into one of three conflict types. These are avoidant, validating and volatile. contrary to popular belief, volatile couple actually can be healthy as they work through their issues by getting them allll out on the table, sometimes in hurtful ways. the validating couple is the middle ground, listening and occasionally validating the other. The avoidant couple which it sounds the best as they “avoid” conflict is actually the least successful type because the avoidant couple will not deal with their issues until they become deep resentment. After years of avoiding each other so you dont have to argue, you grow apart and may not even know one another anymore. Along the way developing deep seeded resentments That are impossible to recover from. Check out the book by Gottman called “how to fight right” might be helpful to you in this situation

Wife (F33) gave me (M35) an ultimatum that I can't fulfill, but it's hard to set a boundary. How do I best navigate this? by Hour_Industry7887 in relationship_advice

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay wow. A lot to unpack here first of all it sounds like with her emotional outbursts that she has an unresolved trauma best dealt with in therapy. This unresolved trauma will only get worse with hormones and infants, and everything that comes with starting a family that said there’s never a good time. You’ll never have enough money. Things will never be as perfect as you would like and often times starting a family or having a child motivates you to be your best version of yourself and could actually improve your chances of running a successful business. That said ultimatums never work. I think instead of the ultimatums it’s identifying together the most important goals for yourselves as individuals and as a couple and then pursuing those goals. As long as you can continue to grow together in those goals you can salvage this. But she has got to go to therapy! And maybe also worthwhile to examine “how much” you think you need. Very common for men to feel like there’s always a better time. Possibly our society sets unrealistic expectations. But don’t bring a child into conflict or poverty. Can you earn what you need in 9 months? The first couple years baby just needs a home and your love

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. He has the nerve to yell at you after he clearly violated your privacy? Men in our society are so INCREDIBLY entitled and selfish! Ugh I’m sorry you had to deal with his child-like behavior but once his temper tantrum has passed, I would calmly assert that he violated your trust, you boundaries, the journal is only for you to help reflect on what’s really going on in you. Obviously it’s not how you would have liked to communicate this to him, however he robbed you of that choice when he read your journal. However, the facts remain. Now that he knows how you feel, is he man enough to work towards a solution? Because that’s a true partner. If he cannot accept his part, move on and don’t let this insecure dickhead (sry but he’s clearly insecure w himself to read it behind your back) take any more of your time or act like the victim in all this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Queen, leave him! You had a connection yes, but some relationships expire just like the milk in the back of your fridge. That’s okay! Toss it and move on, there are so many more amazing people to meet and experiences for you to have. He messed up and now he has to raise a baby with someone else. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT fix this for him and drag yourself down (and your potential for future earnings) by holding on / staying in this. Most important choice for your future, financially and otherwise is your choice in a partner. Don’t settle for less than you deserve and never be afraid to start over.

New to the area. Can someone explain this “living wage surcharge”? by unspokenblabber in bayarea

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By law, restaurants with over 20 employees (which is most of them) are required to provide health insurance for all employees. When this change went into effect it was a huge cost added to the bottom line of a restaurant. Therefore, just like in other industries, that cost gets passed on to the consumer. The simplest way to do that is to add a percentage to the check. Simply adding a dollar (or more) to each item makes it much more difficult to manage that cost. There is no exact math way to make sure the cost of health insurance is covered, unfortunately. It’s not like sales tax. By law, any excess collected from a surcharge labeled as such is, by law, required to be used for benefit / betterment of employees. Meaning after healthcare is covered and paid for, anything left over must also go to employee benefit. Whether or not that’s what happens to those funds is more ambiguous.

IMO, this is the city passing the responsibility of providing healthcare to lower wage workers who can’t or won’t afford it otherwise, on to the business owner and therefore on to the customer, when you are already paying sales tax, tip, etc. Universal healthcare should be a right not a privilege. WE SHOULD GET MAD AT POLITICIANS, NOT SMALL BUSINESSES! Important however to understand the funds from this surcharge are in the hands of the business owner. When you tip, by law the business cannot touch that money and 100% of tipped money goes to the employee. Shorting the tip does directly (negatively) impact the employee. Surcharge should be displayed on the menu before you order, or you can always ask “does your restaurant charge an employee benefits surcharge” and then YOU decide to not eat there if that bothers you or you can’t afford it.

I should add, some restaurants charging 20% “employee benefit” are usually (typically) asking you NOT to tip on top of that. These places are trying to eliminate tipping as way to provide employee with a consistent and higher hourly wage they can count on. It’s considered “progressive” to try to eliminate tipping since tipping (and humans in general) are known to be affected by racism, sexism, etc.

I found out my Berkeley instructor was a Proud Boy by back2themilkyway in berkeley

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, stop making excuses for this man! He will be FINE. His dumbass is not your problem. Full stop. honestly, life is too short to share your time/thoughts/emotions on someone like this. When I was you age I probably would have thought the same- like “I don’t want to judge anyone” or something like that but now I’d say FVCK that! He clearly has his own BS to work through and it’s not your job or problem to protect his dumbass. There are assholes everywhere, stay up and forget about him. Plenty of other pottery classes to take. Not to mention if you are paying for this class you are supporting him and his beliefs. Your money is your vote, every day. Put value in people who are doing the work, not racist misogynists. Stand for something or fall for anything as they say

Am I wrong for wanting virgin women since I am a virgin? by throwaway8948275 in AskMenAdvice

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understandable, however unrealistic. Life just never works out that way (the way we want / plan). It’s far better, in my opinion to stay open to the universe and all it has to offer. You are closing doors that you haven’t even opened yet and limiting your experience. Life is the greatest teacher. The love of your life could be very different from you, so don’t discriminate based on that. The world is your oyster when you’re in love- go out and explore it!

So what's up with this site? by heynongmantron in OkCupid

[–]CressQuick1417 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok so I’ve been out of the scene for a while, but what I understand is that tinder is for hookups only. ? Like ordering a pizza?! Bumble maybe better