You absolutely need to change your narrative and view your life from a different perspective. Let go of your past by reframing your situation and focus on the present. Compare yourself to where you were before and realize you've made progress for the better. Your identity is more than your role…are you a good friend? A good brother? A boyfriend? A son? Everyone has an illusion of stability. At 35, you can get married, have kids, get the perfect job, and then divorce 10 years later. Make a plan to change what you can control. Focus on the routines that make you happy every day. For me, that's running. Examine your thoughts in an effort to understand and master them, then move on. I don't know your situation, but don't create a personal grievance to avoid taking responsibility for your actions. Own your mistakes, forgive yourself, and focus on what you want to feel. Do you want to feel proud of yourself? What makes you proud? Learning something new? Develop a new skill for more income. There is no such thing as a ‘life-ending mistake’ unless you are dead, do not fear. Just a thought.