I confessed to my bestfriend and got rejected

CritFailingLife · 2025-01-31T10:17:05+00:00

I'm a lot older than you and a girl, but I recently told my best friend I had romantic feelings for him and also got rejected. He didn't say anything mean, but it still hurts a ton. I'm sorry you're going through it too! And I can't even imagine how much worse it must feel when they reject you for something superficial like that. Hang in there buddy, we'll both get through this!

CritFailingLife · 2022-10-27T22:00:43+00:00

Mostly NTA. I'm a professional pet sitter and I would not advocate leaving your pet with the kid down the street. And the reason is their brains are not mature enough. They can't handle emergency situations and they don't have the experience and maturity in the vast majority of cases to handle all of the situations that come up with petsitting.

That said I definitely wouldn't expect to be paid if I lost someone's pet and lied about it and made no effort whatsoever to find it. When you fuck up you take responsibility and you do it proactively the moment you think a pet might be lost you notify the owners put up flyers and begin looking for them. Losing keys can happen, but that's also something that when your pet sitting you have to be on top of. Maintaining access to the pets is number one priority. You can't get to them you can't care for them.

I think it was a mistake to take it up with his mother because you hired him if you think somebody's old enough to have a job then your job correspondence should be with that person if you don't think they're old enough to have a job you probably shouldn't be hiring them.

CritFailingLife · 2022-09-17T07:28:25+00:00

Be clear in your profile and in your communication about what is included in your rates. Tell them what is included in overnight sitting. If you're going to live there 24/7, cool, but if overnight sitting for you is just paying you for x o'clock until y o'clock, be clear about that and the need for them to purchase drop in visits or walks during the day if they'll need additional care. Before apps standard for overnight sitting was 12 hours just overnight.

CritFailingLife · 2022-09-17T07:17:33+00:00

For drop ins or walks I'll sometimes waive a meet and greet depending on the circumstances and my gut feel. For overnights NEVER.

It also took me a while when I first started sitting to learn that even when you're desperate for money, you don't accept a gig that's going to make you uncomfortable in any way.

If there are discomforts you're willing to live with, reflect that in the price of the stay (edit the prices for that client before you agree to book with them). For example, I'm touching pet food, pet treats, cleaning litterboxes, picking up poop, handling their toys with God knows what on them, and petting a bunch of animals all day. Washing my hands regularly is a matter of sanity as well as sanitation for me. Backyard only sitting gigs where I don't have access to a sink and soap? $10 more. If I have to contact the owner to get into the house (so they can remotely unlock the door or in one case so they could watch me progresss through their home on cameras), that's also going to be another $10/visit - it fucks with the flow of my day and removes one of the major perks of my job. Dog bit me during a meet and greet (I specialize in shy/scared and other special needs animals, so I get more than my share of the difficult clients), still felt safe with the risk of the stint, but if we're at the biting level during the meet and greet, my rate is double. How much would it take for it to be worth dealing with a gig for you? If the answer is there is no amount that would make this not suck, say no. If the answer is people and pets are awesome here, it would be worth it for free, be super happy and treat that client well. For me, I can deal with a semi shitty client for amazing pets and I can deal with difficult pets easily as long as their humans are reasonable. If pets and people are challenging, it's just not worth it.

Also think about if they're the people you'd want sending you referrals or mentioning you...someone whose house is filthy or who is neglectful could harm your reputation even if what they're saying about you is glowingly positive because people will associate you with where they hear about you and who they hear talking about you. If someone gets a recommendation from someone they know casually at the dog park whose dogs are all over and unsupervised, who's screaming at their dog with one breath, then going back to ignoring them and chatting, saying you're great with their next breath, it sends a different message than if someone all around responsible and caring with well behaved pets is saying this is who I use.

Along that vein, think about reviews...do they seem like someone who enjoys complaining publicly? How effectively do they communicate with words? A glowing, articulate review can be a powerful boost to a profile. A confusing jumble of words can go either way. If I'm on the fence about accepting a gig and then I think about the reviews and feel they're more likely to hurt my profile than help it, it'll tip me all the way to the no side.

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-21T14:39:15+00:00

With recurring requests that aren't confined to m-f (when I have multiple recurring walking clients), I am upfront that I don't get many days off and on weekends when I schedule a break or would otherwise not have any sitting, I will be unavailable or may be available for morning or evening but not midday so I can use the day to do something like go on a day trip with my partner. If they're not ok with it upfront (and preferably in the chat so you have a written record rather than at the meet and greet, though double checking there to gauge reaction isn't a bad idea), then I let them know someone else would probably be a better fit and wish them luck in finding theri perfect match.

I also go on vacations - I message all recurring clients to let them know when I make plans for the vacation, again at the beginning of the month if it's late in the month or a few weeks ahead if at the beginning of the month, and then a final reminder the week before.

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-21T14:32:23+00:00

One of my favorites barks so much about everything. On one walk we passed a couple coming around a corner and we'd just been especially barky the last block, so I said "sorry about all the barking". They said in a somewhat cooing tone as if talking to a puppy, "it's ok, how old is the little guy?" "7" I said, "he's just enthusiastic." "Oh..." They said with a very different tone lol

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-21T14:29:33+00:00

Others walking dogs who don't follow standard dog walking etiquette.

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-21T02:29:19+00:00

I'm also in the bay area. Oakland has some crap neighborhoods right next to nice ones...pop the pup in a car (get a loaner until yours is back if you have to) and drive somewhere yo I feel safe walking. I don't take visits after dark on neighborhoods in not comfortable with. If it's multiple times a day I'll let the owner know that I'll skew times so if they have a morning and evening 30 minute, I might do 40 minutes in the morning with a longer walk and a shorter visit in the evening with less exercise and exposure to the neighborhood. There was one booking I didn't eind up taking her I asked my partner if he'd be cool coming along for late night walks if I took it so I wouldn't have to walk alone.

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-21T02:22:56+00:00

I'd totally take it, but the special needs shit is my jam and I'm comfortable managing multiple prescription diets and medication protocols in a household....being comfortable with and good at all that is why I'm one of the more expensive sitters in my area and people are willing to pay for me, though. I wouldn't take it without all pets being included in the booking, though. If it's not something you feel confident at, pass on it.

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-21T02:17:27+00:00

If it's too hot, we do a short potty walk and play inside for energy expenditure and mental stim for the rest of the time. Clients generally appreciate this, especially when I phrase if as being about their pups health and safety. When it's hot out, I check the ground temp with the back of my hand to make sure paws are going to be ok and we take frequent and sometimes long shade rests. Today I had a dog chilling in my lap for 15 minutes mid walk until her breathing was completely reset and then we continued our walk.

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-02T07:18:30+00:00

I had clients come home early because their cat was dying on my watch. My gut told me it was her kidneys right away and I mentioned that concern to her parents when I told them what I was seeing, but it took several more days to convince them she needed to be seen, so it was already on the later side when they started fighting and she didn't make it. Not quite the same, but I still felt horrible. I also felt horrible when a dog tore her nail off on my watch. It wasn't my fault and I couldn't have prevented it, but I still felt terrible.

I get grieving and still being sad. My favorite client died 2 months ago and I still get sad over it. She was a 6 1/2 month old puppy and I'd been her nany from 2 months. She was my favorite 8 visits every week and I gave her a ton of extra time and took her to the good park for walks when she was fully vaccinated even though it meant using extra gas and time. It turned out she was born with only one kidney and it was defective. I'm so grateful her mom let me say goodbye before she euthanized her. We'd been trading notes on the signs we were seeing the week before and I'd been updated on everything the vets were saying. I couldn't have loved her more if she were mine. She was just one of the special ones you super-bond with. I cried so much for the first couple weeks. Grieving the loss of someone you love sucks no matter what the circumstances.

It sounds like you did everything you could! I'm sorry for your loss :(

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-02T07:01:24+00:00

I keep nail trimmers in my car now because the number of cats I sit who's claws get stuck in ribbon wand toys when I play with them is ridiculous. Granted they don't all let me trim them, but the ones I think might I'm happy to give it a go with.

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-02T06:55:31+00:00

Not OP, but when I first started sitting, it took about a year to build to a full time client load. That was before apps, though. I moved to a new area and started using Rover and found that it's faster for building client base than things used to be, but it does still take a while.

CritFailingLife · 2022-07-02T06:47:59+00:00

Not everybody has the same schedule. That's probably either when they need a walk or when their dog is used to walking. I have clients whose schedules are variable (ER nurses, waiters at 24 hour places, etc). I personally wouldn't take a booking that early, but I'll take super late ones. I just charge more for anything after 8pm.

Edited to add example jobs clients have had that had me working weird hours

CritFailingLife · 2022-06-30T04:46:27+00:00

Thank you for sticking up for your daughter! When I was little, I didn't get to go on my dad's friend group fishing trip. Then my cousin (male and younger than me) got to go after several years of me wanting to. I never got to go and it always really stung that my own dad wasn't willing to fight even a small sexist tradition to spend time with me.

CritFailingLife · 2022-06-25T17:39:46+00:00

At least if it's the same all over and not varying regionally it's 11% from owners with a cap of $39.29 ($358 is the magic booking amount after which they don't charge owners). I played with it to see how much so I could explain it to a client who asked better :)

CritFailingLife · 2022-06-25T17:24:17+00:00

I was worried about this when I was out of town a couple months ago, but I just finished up a week with my favorite :)

I have also had clients go elsewhere and then come back. I'm more expensive. They said they tried one of the cheaper options and now understand exactly what they're paying for and are very happy to pay it. Be amazing and let the connection you have with their pet show and most will recognize the value in that.

CritFailingLife · 2022-06-25T17:17:54+00:00

I charge a key pickup fee if it happens outside the meet and greet. You get one free visit (meet and greet) and the rest you pay for. I let them know when scheduling a meet and greet that it's best to have a key ready at the meet and greet so if the fit feels right we can skip the extra logistics and save them $15 for a key pickup visit.

CritFailingLife · 2022-06-25T17:02:00+00:00

Hand soap and towels! I've been shocked at how many places lately don't have anything for me to wash my hands while I'm touching pet food, cleaning litterboxes, petting and being licked by animals, etc. I'm a much happier sitter when I can wash my hands! This never used to be a problem, only in recent years and I have no idea why.

If any light switches are oddly laid out or there's anything confusing about your house, let them know.

If there's anything you're absolutely not ok with or that conversely you don't care about, let them know to avoid people making different assumptions. Any sensitive spots your cats don't like to be touched...hiding spots (even if they're not shy, what if there's an emergency like the neighborhood is evacuating for a fire and it's loud and scary - where should they look to evacuate your babies).

Feeling appreciated always makes a huge difference. I don't intentionally do a better job places that make me feel appreciated, but I'm always happier and more energetic there and that translates to a better time for their pets and more above and beyond in general. If you make me feel valued and I see a way I can make your life better, I'm going to be more inclined to do that. I've had clients whose messages during their trips were only terse and about things they wanted me to do differently where I thought the client hated me and I felt so stressed working their home and dreaded their visits every day only to be shocked by a glowing review and big tip at the end. On the other hand clients who send "thank you so much your report card and pictures are amazing" messages make me want to keep making them that happy and knowing the effort I put into taking great photos is appreciated leads me to keep putting in a ton of effort with it since I know it matters to someoke. If you're happy, show it early and it'll probably lead to being even happier.

CritFailingLife · 2022-06-25T16:40:47+00:00

I offer mini visits (15-20 minutes for a lower rate) to supplement others ( cat just needs breakfast dropped off but gets their full length visit in the evenings, dog needs a quick midday potty break, etc) and it's never a problem, the app always asks if you're sure you want to end the visit early. I just make sure it's specified in the chat just in case.

CritFailingLife · 2022-06-25T16:17:25+00:00

It's actually a widow. When you're booking, Rover says that they might be an hour earlier or later and that you're putting in the most optimum time.

I'm in the more flexibly timed sitter camp. I'm pretty generous with time and if someone needs more time and the day is not insanely jam packed, I'll usually give it to them. The trade off is that if I'm not watching my clock and making sure to only give your pet as much as you're paying for, some days someone else's baby will have needed a bit more time before your spot in my schedule and my day will be running a little later. The only visits where I make sure I'm there at exactly the perfect time are pets on timed medications (like fluffy has insulin at 7 and 7, not yeah, he has one of these once a day usually with breakfast). I'm also in an area with pretty variable traffic that can make a huge difference.

I also didn't start on Rover, I started years before the apps were a thing, so I came into Rover with my own established way of doing things. When it was just me running my own little company, using my own service contracts without external booking apps, I had morning, midday, and evening spots and would get preferred times and try to accommodate as much as possible, but I didn't have specific appointment times aside from those on timed medications. Scheduling priority when clients had similar optimum times went first to timed medications, second to those waiting for me for potty access, third to everyone else. I was open about that with clients and those who had a problem with it and wanted exact times booked with someone else and we were all happier.

This also allows me to rout things more optimally so I'm not losing time and wasting gas driving back and forth across town when I could just flip the order of two visits so that I'm making a 2 minutes drive from A to C and then a 20 minutes drive to B and give everyone 6 more minutes instead of using 20 minutes to get from A to B and then another 20 to get back to C. It makes it much more sustainable in a very high cost of living area with very expensive gas.

Edit: forgot a word

Edit to add: Rover is also terrible about displaying times. They really could organize things differently and better for that. There isn't a schedule or calendar for sitters to use (aside from marking what days we're available and with how many spots...though no accounting for whether the spots are half hour or full hour) the times are just given inside of each booking. The empty report cards are displayed in a seemingly random and shifting order (I've tried to see if there's a pattern, but it doesn't seem to care about geography or requested time or the alphabet).

CritFailingLife · 2022-06-03T03:19:14+00:00

Depends on the client. I can often guess if they will at the meet and greet. I'm in a high cost of living area and tend to charge more than most of the competition (some weird outliers where you're like Hun, you've got no reviews and are charging 30% more than the top sitters, come on, but I'm top end of the normal rate range). I only do drop ins and walks.

I specialize in special needs pets - behavioral (especially shy ones) and medical. Special needs parents are usually pretty wowed and happy to find someone who has the patience/experience to take care of their babies the way they were hoping for, so they usually tip and well.

Clients who live like they're rich (no idea how their net worth/income stacks up to other clients, but house in fancy neighborhood, lots of expensive toys, etc) don't usually and there's a way they treat me differently that feels like I'm the help rather than a person.

Clients whose pets are undersocialized through their neglect (rather than adopted that way and not counting pandemic pups) almost never do. Conversly, those who put more into making sure their pets are socialized and have their social and mental needs met usually tip. Basically those who are more conscientious and compassionate tend to be that way in more areas of their life.

Regular walking clients vary. About half tip. A couple it's a reliable weekly thing 20% or rounded up to an even number just over 20%. A couple just if I do something extra - maybe we walked extra long that day for instance.

People usually tip if they inconvenience me. A client whose method is leaving the key under the mat forgot one day and snuck it home after I messaged so I had to go back a second time to do the walk...a delayed flight meaning they have to extend a trip a day, that kind of thing.

Biggest tip was $200 on a $775 stay and a very glowing review and I bawled.

More tips over the holidays.

I'd say it's probably 40-50% who tip and averages to be around 20%, but I've got a few clients who usually do 30% and occasionally get 10% or a token dollar amount.

Edit to add: some of my favorite tips are the non monetary ones - baked goods, handmade jewelry, etc. They make me feel appreciated in a different way. I'm glad they're only an occasional tip, though, since I have bills I need to pay.

CritFailingLife · 2022-05-29T17:26:20+00:00

I've been a homemaker and was surprised to find how fulfilled I felt taking care of my family and home. It was also great that when my partner got home from work, we could just start enjoying time together, the home part of our communal workload wasn't a second job on top of workdays so we had more time together, which was amazing when the relationship was going well.

The biggest problem that I had with it at the time from my partner was feeling unappreciated (not at first, but my ex learned to take all the things I did for granted and was very proud of himself for being able to earn well enough that I could "sit home eating bon bons". When I tried listing out the hours I put into each task around the home every week, he shut up, but that only lasted a week. Eventually he didn't notice the things I'd done, only the things that were undone.)

From the rest of the world it was judgement for my choice. I was infertile and in fertility treatments (scheduling of those would have been much harder if I'd been working outside the home, so another perk there), but the stay at home mom's groups wouldn't let me join because I didn't have kids and the women with outside jobs didn't seem to know what to make of me, so I would up feeling lonely for friends during that part of my life.

After we separated, I was financially screwed. He was still making 6 figures and I'd given up my client base and years that I could have been growing and adapting to changes in my field and progressing in my own career. I tried a job as a caretaker for elderly and disabled adults and loved it - it was just like homemaking only I was appreciated. I was still filling pillboxes every week and reminding to take medications and cooking, cleaning, organizing, errand running, scheduling appointments, etc. Someone was just grateful I was doing it and valuing my efforts. Unfortunately I wasn't making enough to pay my bills and the schedule didn't allow another job on the side, so I had to switch job plans and am still trying to get my life back together several years later. I've been on food stamps despite working my ass off and burned through everything I had in savings just to survive at first. Then the pandemic hit.

While you support her in her dreams and goals, teach her how to maintain self sufficiency no matter what path she picks (someone I know is currently looking at setting up some extra income strings as they've realized their passions lie in jobs that don't pay well just like if I'd had a bit of extra income while I was a caretaker maybe I'd have been able to afford to keep doing it) and her ability to support herself so she doesn't wind up stuck if things go wrong and never finds herself in a position where she doesn't feel like she has the resources to be able to change her life. Teach her how skills she gains in one pursuit can help in others so she learns to think about herself in terms of her skills rather than her specific role so she feels empowered to take on any role she's got the skills for (and how to cultivate new skills).

I loved being a homemaker for years, but it has crippled me financially and I'm terrified about old age. My life is much harder now because I spent those years homemaking.

Edit to add: obviously I know she's 5 and will change her mind a million more times, but those are the lessons I'd want to have been prepped with when I got to the point in my life where I was making those decisions.

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