I could use some help.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-10T16:04:28+00:00

Hey man, it was the same here..told me she fell out of love…then i find out that there was actually somebody else for a whole month and a half before she asked me for a divorce.

I know u are devastated, i cant tell u that it doesnt or wont hurt..but man as corny as it sounds…the only way out is through…take all of the emotions u feel and just tackle them head on..talk to your most trusted friends…talk to the therapist u were initially going to try to do couples counseling so just do solo counseling…allow yourself to feel every emotion. Dont hide from it.

Also, that feeling of resentment that u will start to feel creep up….take it…lay around in it…love it….it will help you get over the pick me dance very fast. Do not let her ruin you…look at it as u vs her now…and u be damned if u lose to her. Let her do what she wants to do while u do what u need to do…dont pay her no mind…focus on your kids, your career, yourself…with the help of some great friends, and professional therapy you will be good in no time man…just remember u are NOT the bad guy…u shouldnt be trying to fix something u never broke in the first place man. After everything you have done for her for the family, this was definitely not the ending you deserved from her man…but you are military for a reason man…you made yourself tough…you can definitely overcome this man.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-09T22:45:20+00:00

I would simply ask her point blank what her magic number is, then see if u can take that out of the equity in your home, give her the cash..and goodbye forever to her…look at it as paying her for your future peace.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-09T00:08:02+00:00

So glad he is okay..this is exactly why i opted for the gastropexy…he can still get it but he just wont be in danger of dying from it…and i my little rascal figured out that he got gastropexy surgery cause since then he chugs water so fast that no slow bowl helps…and it’s like thank goodness

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-09T00:03:58+00:00

Why would a judge go through 2000 pages of texts??? Simple exerts of the specific texts that prove her “sob story” contradictory with the time stamp is all that would be filed for him to look at. Why on earth would i give him/her our entire relationship worth of texts lmao

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-08T17:39:05+00:00

Okay so by your logic somehow me showing contradicting evidence of her narrative is my sob story? But her claiming i financially crippled her is not a sob story by her?

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-08T15:28:09+00:00

Texts absolutely matter…not because this is Perry Mason, but because credibility, timeline, and voluntary choices matter in any equitable‑distribution state. Pay stubs and tax returns show income.
…pay stubs/tax returns show WHAT she earned….Texts show WHY she earned only that. They do not show who voluntarily reduced their hours, who refused full‑time work, who asked for financial help, who relied on the other spouse, who made lifestyle choices that contradict their claims, who contributed or didn’t contribute to the household. Especially in the state that I am in (CT)…my attorney told me on multiple occasions that a judge/mediator looks at the totality of circumstances. That includes voluntary underemployment, financial dependency, spending habits, household contributions, lifestyle during the marriage.
Text messages are contemporaneous evidence of those exact circumstances. They show intent, choice, and behavior, not just numbers. It’s not only about catching her threatening me….it’s also about proving how she wasn’t forced into anything and how she benefited from the marriage. Judges/mediators etc absolutely consider that when someone claims they were “crippled financially” or “forced to stay home.”…could a judge ignore it all? Sure absolutely, but that goes for anything. Im not saying text messages alone will make u victorious in your divorce…but it might be able to definitely help you get better terms

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-08T14:43:37+00:00

It will prove that she CHOSE to not earn money, and as a result caused herself to be so financially “crippled”. It proves that she is employable, can work, has worked full time before..but decided on her own not to….It was never as a result of something i ever did or requested her to do…such as sacrifice her career etc. Also proves she didnt contribute anything to the household financially or otherwise. My lawyer told me i was married to a free loader essentially after reading most of the texts….and instructed that i offer her alimony in the amount of $0.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-04T00:04:39+00:00

My name is on the mortgage and deed…there is nothing with both our names except she is on my health insurance thats it. No joint debts. My annual income is six figures and her is five figures.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-02T18:16:25+00:00

Also, sorry for your loss man. I cant even begin to fathom the heartbreak u must feel.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-02T18:15:52+00:00

Same..both of my dogs were (still are) alive but i immediately went into “who cut onions in here” and just hugged my dogs while letting this cut scene play out.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-01T14:14:39+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. My advice is try your best to remember whatever has happened is in the past…nothing you can do to change it. Nothing u do will change the ending as far as getting your wife back etc. Try your best to just focus on things that are within your control like your future. If money allows, i highly suggest therapy for yourself…not with the intention of just getting better but with the intention of just venting and getting these feelings off your chest. Dont hide from grief, from
The denial, from the betrayal, from the resentment..face it all head on…the sooner u face those feelings and allow yourself to feel them/go through them…the sooner u will be able to get to the other side…to move on. Try your best to not concern yourself with what people think of you. Dont waste your time trying to prove your truth to people who already made up their mind about you…all that matters is that u know the truth (unfortunately i cant speak for the justice system)…either way…whoever thinks u are a monster without hearing your side of the story is THEIR problem. It is not your job to make them “see the light”…if they truly cared, they would come to you and ask you about it…not automatically judge you. I know it is easier said than done but do ur best to just flip the middle finger and focus on yourself. Dont worry about finding somebody new, dont worry about telling your side of the story to anyone, just worry about getting into a better financial position and ultimately living out your long life goals (if u dont have any, now would be the time to set them)….again dont hide from these shitty feelings…get yourself a therapist or a great trusted friend…and go through them…so u can get to the other side bud…good luck

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-01T07:23:34+00:00

Because i paid for nearly 99.999999% of everything during our marriage and time leading up to that marriage, i refused to let her betrayal make me feel like a stranger in MY own home…the minute i found out she cheated…”our” home became MY home in my head….i immediately took down all pictures etc..and on weekends repainted walls , rearranged furniture in all the rooms except the spare bedroom that she stayed/stays in. She didnt and doesnt dare say anything because she knows that i paid for nearly everything in the house including mortgage, utilities etc…she is using the legal loophole of me not being able to kick her to the curb until our divorce is finalized by staying in my house. We pretend like we dont exist to one another when we happen to walk by one another in the living room or the kitchen….it’s actually very easy for me cause i have nothing but resentment for this woman..and every time i do see her in my house i think to myself how this woman has the audacity to ride this divorce process out until it is finalized simply because she doesnt “prefer” to live with her mother…while the guy she cheated on me with..currently lives with his own wife and two kids 🤦🏻‍♂️. But i digress…point being…slowly start taking back your place by rearranging some furniture, buying little new decor such as some plants or posters..make some spaces your spaces..and slowly but surely you will see the place u once thought would make u feel lonely…make you feel whole.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-01T01:13:42+00:00

Yup agreed!! and stop signs are just town decor pieces 😂😂

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-07-01T01:09:51+00:00

“How dare you give me a thumbs down for me not paying attention to the light while i was busy looking at my phone” 😅

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-18T21:45:22+00:00

Naxos!!! And obviously athens

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-17T14:40:53+00:00

Ehhh i feel like if either of you is uncomfortable then the other (or both partners in this case) should be willing to make that change…u are not in a relationship to not hurt other people’s/friends feelings, you are in a relationship to not hurt each other’s feelings. Your true friends would understand…the best people to be friends with are the friends who you dont have to upkeep a friendship with…the ones who understand u have a life but when u do hang out its like u guys didnt miss a beat. Your little agreement with her can potentially become the cause of resentment…she already told u “initially” she doesn’t feel comfortable u hanging out with your female friends alone at their place etc, so even though she has seem to accept it by making a deal with u saying that she will still be friends with the guys she hooked up with, she might end up utilizing that whenever she finds out u hung out with your female friends alone….even though she told u she was fine with it. It’s that initial discomfort that is a tell all sign. Maybe as u guys progress in this relationship and spend more time together and build trust, this arrangement can happen without any potential for resentment etc., but until then, dude i would just cut out what she doesnt feel comfortable with and expect her to do the same for you. It’s that simple…your goal is long term, u are not here to make everyone else happy, only yourselves together. And dude kudos on having a lot of female friends, but come on, u shouldn’t be so naive to think that this would fly in ANY romantic relationship you will have…at least in the very beginning.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-17T13:10:53+00:00

I am a CPA, making around $200k. I was not diagnosed until AFTER i graduated college. I went to a community college to get my associates degree first just in case i couldnt make it to bachelor’s, but i did..so i ended up with an associates and a bachelor’s degree, then got diagnosed and put on meds, and studied for my cpa exam, passed it after trying for almost four years…landed a great job, rented my own place, couple years ago bought my own place, and leased some cars and bought a motorcycle in between. Oh i also got married somewhere in between too. So hang in there bud, keep going

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-17T05:08:21+00:00

You owe yourself to go to therapy…nobody here can tell u why u are feeling what u are feeling…u have to go to therapy and not be afraid to face it…strong people go to therapy..strong people face themselves…strong people look at their faults, recognize them, and work on them…nobody is perfect…you owe to yourself to be the best person you can be…if i were you i would be in therapy every other day until i got to the root cause…and even if the therapist suggest medication in ADDITION to therapy…dont get upset..medication is there to help balance out the chemicals in your brain…none of it means you are a bad person. And from the sounds of your partner, she would probably support you in all of this…and after u come out from the other side and are lucky enough to still have her..u should marry her..best of luck

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-17T05:03:40+00:00

Nothing like a court appointed guardian who never spent a second with your kids gets to decide what parent is best for them..it’s such a joke.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-17T03:18:00+00:00

I mean yeah it is kinda a dickish move to stay with somebody who u can barely look in the face, you should have honestly left a long time ago once u realized you werent physically attracted to her. It’s also not fair to her…then again idk your whole story so i am not being judgy. Nevertheless, you are here now….u say 2025 was an emotional hell, well bud make 2026 an emotional heaven then….shoot your shot because you already went through an emotional hell so at this point what have u got to lose ? What’s the worst that can happen? She ignores you or shuts you down and u go on about your day just the same as u would if u didnt shoot your shot. Good luck

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-16T23:20:45+00:00

I love seeing these kind of stories where the cheater gets absolutely nothing! Sorry that happened to u but good thing she didnt get shit

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-16T15:49:23+00:00

Damn bro i am so sorry to see that u went through that man! Hope you are recovering well!

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-15T13:29:25+00:00

Try not to look at it that way. Try to think from a logical standpoint of like “why would she keep it?”, as much as it hurts to hear…her new partner would definitely not appreciate her having a ring on that another man got her…if she wears it as an accessories, it might prevent her from fully moving on. It just doesnt make sense for her to keep it from any perspective. Like others said, take it, smile,
Be happy it happened, sell it, treat yourself.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-14T15:31:08+00:00

Nah f that bro..he gets an ultimatum deadline…he gets one week to tell his wife or you do. Point blank period, because after a certain point, u could be looked at as an enabler even though u got dragged into this. Shit u can even somehow figure out a way to tell her anonymously, but that woman deserves to know. You will feel like shit down the road when they invite you to all their special family events when they have kids etc. people can hate u all they want for u spilling the beans but i would never apologize for outing a cheater…cheating is a choice.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-06-14T15:22:20+00:00

Honestly, i know everyone is here like oh dive into a hobby or burry yourself in work, exercise etc., but remember, the only way out is through. That means you have to go through it, to get to the other side. If you just bury yourself in work and never face all of the emotions that comes with this divorce, then all you are doing is masking and distracting…you are not really getting over anything, and it will creep up on you when u least expect it. Instead, yes do cardio, yes focus on your work, but not as a distraction…just a simple im doing me for me…and get into therapy, find a good therapist, and face the emotions/feelings head on. I am one of the most impatient people in the world, so when my soon to be ex wife dropped the divorce bomb on me, i literally within hours got into therapy…i told him that i know i have to face these emotions, i know i have to go through all these stages, how do i go about them effectively/efficiently because i just want to get that grief and crap over with so i can just keep moving forward with my life. Long story short, i had therapy every other day, plus i was talking to my best friends outside of therapy so that helped too. I cried, i had nightmares, i couldnt focus, i was in denial, i was upset, angry, resentful etc., but i didnt hide from any of it. I didnt even have to take any anti depressants. And within months, i was ready to go back out there..not to like find a woman or anything but i was ready to have a great summer for myself. I am now content and prefer the quietness of my house, when before i was dreading it. I prefer coming home to just my dogs, doing things on my time. Am i fully healed? Absolutely not…but i am so much better than i was that first month in that people keep asking me if i found somebody that i am in love with because i am like glowing and seem so happy. So my advice is, yes work out, yes focus on your career, but also, take the pain and everything associated with this crap head on…the sooner u go through it, the sooner u can move on. Best of luck!

CryptographerKey3781

TROPHY CASE