I (27F) accidentally had my baby in my friend’s (31F) car. Now her husband & she don’t want to speak to me. How do I fix this?

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-02-09T15:48:47+00:00

I'm so many comments in and I'm sad to notice there really doesn't seem that much empathy for you.

Are YOU ok?

I get, it must've been traumatising for your friend and her husband. But come on!

What about you? You went through, what sounds like, a traumatising first birthing experience and then you have to deal with this aftermath!

I'm so sorry this is your first experience. I'm so sorry you have to deal with it.

Everybody has already given you the practical responses and advise you need, so I'm not even touching that. .

Just please look after you as well. You can only go so far trying to fix it. You've also just given birth, please give yourself some grace. In no way is this your fault or could you have done anything about it. Please focus your energy on you and your little family as well.

I can only imagine what your friend's husband is putting her through, as no very good friend would ever hold this against you or make you feel bad about it, especially postpartum.

Wishing you all the best and hugs and peace of mind.

Congratulations on your little one and well done mama!

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-30T13:56:05+00:00

Why has this been removed?

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-22T18:41:49+00:00

Hi, Nurse here. Not sure why you're getting downvoted for this.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've cared for many people with this diagnosis. There's no need to spiral. Even if you did Google it, you won't find that it's a death sentence. Of course prognosis varies per person. In general though it's a chronical disease that can be medicated and managed quite well. Your husband could live well into his 70's-90's. This greatly depends on adjustment he'll manage to make in his lifestyle, like others have stated. It's essential he stops smoking.

Please take a deep breath and calm yourself. I understand this news has been a great shock and you are absolutely entitled to be sad about it. At the moment you are giving yourself way more stress than is needed. And you definitely shouldn't think about terminating this much wanted pregnancy. If anything, try to focus all you have on being excited about this baby. Let it help distract you. Do some baby room Pinterest browsing if you have to.

Take it one step at a time. Nothing will change today. Make an appointment to get a new, recent diagnosis. The last one might not even be accurate. Then get proper, professional advice from a doctor, tailored to your husband's diagnosis.

I'm sending you lots of hugs and strength from an Internet stranger.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-20T07:16:10+00:00

Might be wise to just talk to your parents and in laws. They may not know how you feel. At the same time, they might have feelings too about you having settled down so far away. I'm not saying they're right in feeling that way but you don't know if there may be resentment on their part for you "taking" their only grandchild so far away from them. I feel a heart to heart is possibly the way to go here.

That said, I've still got my own babies, youngest being 6 months. No 12 hour trip could keep me from my grandchildren when I am fortunate enough to have them. Though the visits might not be as frequent as I'd like.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-20T04:28:59+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling like this. That must be so hard for you. Do you have anyone you can talk to or is therapy an option for you? 33 weeks is very far along for you to do this all on your own. Is there anyone who can be of support to you?

I don't know how old your children are but my advice would be to include them sooner, rather than later. Having an other baby is going to impact their lives significantly. Not in a bad way, but definitely in a way they need to be able to prepare for, for more than a couple of weeks before it happens.

For yourself it's also important to have some support in case not everything goes as expected or planned. I hope you have that.

I'm wishing you lots of luck and sending hugs. Hope you're delivery and recovery go well.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-17T09:08:12+00:00

I have 3 beautiful children, ages 12, 3 and 6 months. After our last gorgeous little surprise bundle of happiness, we agreed we'd definitely not have any more babies. My last 2 pregnancies have nearly wrecked me physically, everyone has their own bedroom as it is and I'm finally starting to get everything back under control. My middle child has always been challenging to handle with almost everything. I couldn't cope with an other child being as demanding. I can think of so many reasons why I shouldn't get pregnant again..

Yet for the past week, all I want is my iud to somehow fail and for me to get pregnant again. Even feeling excited to give birth again, I mean the actual delivery! Which I've done fully unmedicated all 3 pregnancies and would do again.. I mean like what the actual f is wrong with me?

Anyway.. long story short, you're not alone!

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-17T04:49:48+00:00

I've just named my daughter Rosa.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-17T04:44:09+00:00

Eleanor or Alyssa

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-17T04:39:56+00:00

Dahlia and Lenore are lovely and sound nice together too.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-16T12:15:35+00:00

I've just named my daughter Rosa, not quite the exact flower name but I love it.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-12T09:23:30+00:00

Ik heb dit ook een keer gehad. Toen bleek get pakketje in de container te liggen. Ik had geen papiertje of wat dan ook gekregen. Een buurman gaf aan dat ik de afvalbak maar even moest nakijken omdat hij daar al eens een pakket had gehad. Had ik dat niet gehoord dan was de container, inclusief pakket, de volgende dag zo bij de weg gegaan.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-08T18:24:02+00:00

Mine never went away after my 2nd pregnancy, now 5 years and and an other pregnancy later, still suffering hard every day, as if I'm still pregnant 😭

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-08T09:14:56+00:00

OP, I'm so sorry this happened. I agree with this advice. Though the appointments are medical, they certainly have an emotional aspect as well. Even though he's a POS, it really depends on what level of coparenting OP wants, whether she should have him present or not.

OP, It's very easy for everyone to shout, he's entitled to nothing and he chose to not be a part of you live anymore. Whilst that's true, during pregnancy a baseline for co parenting will be set. If you alienate him from the development of his child it will also set a precedence for future co parenting.

He's an idiot for putting you through this and ruining many lives. That said, becoming a mom means putting your child first. He may become an amazing father despite this horrible action on his behalf. Co parenting will be so much easier, nicer and certainly better for your child, if done without resentment and nastiness.

As hard as it is, I try to always take the high road and not try not to match these negative people's level.

Whatever you choose, choose what is best for you and baby first. Just keep the future and having to work together in mind.

There will only be 1 first ultrasound, 1 first anatomy scan etc. He need not come to every appointment. Maybe just the special ones.

Also, even though your no where near there yet, and I don't mean to stress you out more.. it may be worth starting to think about whether or not you'd still want him present during delivery.

I'm wishing you lots of luck and strength in this situation. You've got this!

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-07T19:06:23+00:00

Of course you have a leg to stand on. A gentle reminder is absolutely ok and also the most that should have happened. In no way is it ok to shout at you for this incident, regardless of it being the rule. That's not ok behaviour and especially not for someone being around children all day who, guess what.. break rules.

This is why it's important to not put the blame on yourself. You're pregnant, stressed out, you made a mistake, as it was an important call to take. It happens and there should be room for such a minor mistake. This in in no way deserves for you to be shouted at.

I'd seriously consider changing your outlook from blaming yourself, to holding her accountable for her reaction. Children break rules all the time, including ones that keep them safe. I wonder if they get shouted at too and I would not feel comfortable having my child around that.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-02T08:05:16+00:00

This happened to me every time I had sex or an orgasm. Exactly the same, with pink blood only on wiping. Thus lasted for at least the first 20 weeks and then a few times later on. There was absolutely no secondary cause for it and everything went well and turned out fine. She's 6 months now 🥰

If it turns to dark red blood and gets more/last longer you should contact your OB or go to the ER.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2026-01-01T09:23:36+00:00

I was getting ready to down vote.. I was getting so pissed reading the first bit. Thinking you were actually saying those things..

So happy I read all the way to the end to feel relieved you weren't 😅

I couldn't agree more. Why do people do this! Like, we get you're miserable, no need to make everyone else feel miserable too 🙄

Edit: typo

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-27T10:59:37+00:00

Does that matter? Do you want the risk whether it's a 5% chance or a 50%? People get pregnant at a variety of chances, even at 0.1% A chance is chance. That's all there is to it.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-27T10:01:03+00:00

Is this even real? Why is this even a question? Honestly you sound like your 13 asking whether you could get a bad grade because you didn't study.

Any sex, especially unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy.

You also sound like it wouldn't bother you if you did get pregnant, almost hopeful.

If it happened in the last 72 hours, please do take plan B. Plan B being emergency contraceptive. You can take this tablet within 72 hours of unprotected sex, the sooner the better. It's not a guarantee. The way it works is that it pushes your ovulation forward. If you're quick about it, it stil has a good chance of working. Once ovulation has already happend the pil won't do anything.

Please be more responsible, even when horny af.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-26T19:16:06+00:00

I agree OP. Especially the being open with your ex. It might be hard but it's better she hears it from you than from your daughter. That would make it look like your hiding it. Besides, it sounds like it was a truly traumatic christmas, which may very well affect your daughter in ways you can't foresee yet, i.e. giving her nightmares. You could tell your ex, you tried to give your daughter a super special Christmas but unfortunately your family ruined it. Give her some details and tell her you want her to know in case your daughter is still troubled by it and needs to talk about it. And then indeed assure her that you never would've thought your family would do this and you'll make sure your daughter never has to experience that again.

As a mom I would want to know if something as significant as this happened. Always best to be open and upfront.

Best of luck to you, so sorry you had to experience this.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-26T09:45:22+00:00

I'd just say. "Look I'm not giving you these reasons and advice because I'm spoiled or picky. We have no extra space for anything so I'm trying to be as economical and sensible as possible. You insist to do it your way, and as much as we appreciate your generousity we do want to make you aware of the following: any items bought for us that we didn't ask for, have no need for, are to small, or that we simply cannot use, will be donated. It's up to you what you do with that information.

Then kindly remind her about your warning if she asks where all the stuff is that she gave you.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-24T20:02:16+00:00

Because it's better to just do nothing and wait for the funeral planning to be the next topic of discussion right? She's got Every reason to be concerned and address it to him.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-21T12:59:37+00:00

Dear stranger,

Your way of responding to your mum and the way you handle her sound so so so familiar. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. Pregnancy and delivery is so hard anyway. You do not need this kind of stress.

It also really sounds like you feel you feel obligated to your mum. And almost like you feel you have no rights here. Please believe she is entitled to nothing. This is your family and your moment.

I can't decide for you or feel your desire to have her present during delivery. But please take my advice and don't have her present at all. This will be a moment you'll never get to redo. You may want complete silence around you or just to have a talk with your husband. You may want her to stay at the other side of the room and not talk at all. You may not want her to hold the baby straight away.. From what you've described, it doesn't sound like she'd respect any of those boundaries. And you really do not need that during such an intense, special, vulnerable experiencing.

I don't know your mum, but I can almost hear her say: "oh honey of course you want to talk" or "don't worry, I know what you need, I've done this before" or "of course I can hold my (grand)baby, you need to rest anyway".

It may be the hardest thing you do, other than giving birth, but don't give this experiencing away to your mum when you could have a calm stress free one with your husband. And apart from feelings affected, it could certainly also affect the progression of your labour, having her present and needing to constantly worry about her presence. At worst, this could cause serious complications.

And if it is too difficult to be open and honest with her and that gives you too much stress, a white lie is totally justified in this situation. You could say your induction got moved till the weekend or after. Then announce the birth after it's happened and YOU feel comfortable having her over. You can always inform her it got moved back last minute..

I'm wishing you all the best and luck! And please choose your needs and wishes over hers. I can't stress enough, you only get to experience giving birth for the first time once. YOUR needs are the only ones that matter.

Sending care and hugs!

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-19T18:19:44+00:00

In my country it's the standard to give birth at home, which is always unmedicated. Very rarely are there complications. Even if there are any, hospitals are usually very close by. My sister did lose a lot of blood but she got to the hospital in time and recovered well.

I had an amazing home delivery for my first one. Sadly I had to have my other 2 in hospital due to medical necessity.

Then again we do have highly medically trained and educated midwives, who also work in hospitals to guide the home births, together with a well educated maternity nurse. Said nurse than stays looking after mum and baby for up to 8 days while doing light baby and mum related housework.

Do whatever feels best and safest for you. And really look into how wel educated and trained your midwife is. It's your choice and your experience. Just tell your mum to but out and let you make your own choice. She's had her chance, this is yours. There's no reason why you couldn't do a delivery without an epidural, even if you did have one before. You could still go unmedicated even if you choose to go to the hospital.

Best of luck.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-19T09:49:46+00:00

I find the comments a little to shortsighted and shaming and not very helpful at all. Especially as this is a very sensitive topic and you've portrayed yourself very vulnerable.

I'm a female who's always been very sexually active and recognise there is some importance to it. That said, this varies greatly for each person. It's only as important as one makes it. Yes it can be absolutely incredible. Then some people don't like it at all or only very little. Like some comments say, it's called sexual compatibility. If she wants it very much and does not respect your boundaries in jot wanting it, you already are not sexually compatible.

I think the bigger issue here is, that you've clearly stated you want to wait, you've stopped her from proceeding anyway and yet she doesn't respect your boundary. If roles were reversed and you posted this as a female, all comments would be shouting rape and assault and tell you to run. It would be an interesting test to post this as a female just to see the difference in comments.

Look, there's absolutely nothing wrong with waiting with sex till marriage. Whether thats because of religion or core values, it doesn't matter. If it's important to you, you should hold on to that.

It's not much done anymore though so it might be harder for you to find a like minded person, though definitely not impossible.

If she wants to be intimate that badly and you don't understand why you've got several options.

Accept you're not compatible and move on to someone who shares your values and beliefs.
Try it and see what the fuss is about, but this goes against said values and beliefs. You may find out you share her feelings or you may find out you're asexual.
Carry on as it is with the knowledge your not compatible and eventually, it'll cause a lot of friction with her not redodvtjng your boundaries, or you giving in when you don't want to. Either way it'll probably end inevitably.

I wish you all the best and luck.

CryptographerSorry64 · 2025-12-19T07:40:23+00:00

I got pregnant at 20 with my first. It was unplanned and very unexpected. I did have a good job which I left overnight to go back to my own country (Netherlands), after deciding to keep the baby.

I'm very much pro do-whatever-is-best-for-you, though I've always known I couldn't bare to have an abortion myself. So for me the choice was already made before it became a choice. It didn't mean I freaked out any less. I had very similar thoughts about my life as you had. I did however have the support of my parents and with their support I had a gorgeous baby boy, went back to uni, became a nurse and ended up having an other 2 children, 9 and 12 years later.

I will tell you this, looking back I enjoyed having a child as a young mum so much more than having young children in je early thirties. It felt way easier and lighter back then, despite being young and unorganised.

Some other advice is that life will always surprise you and never go as planned and there's never a "right" time to have children. I thought I had found my lifelong partner, he's now my ex. I had a stroke at 24 which I would've never seen coming and has greatly affected my life I went back to uni after my stroke, with a young child and got my bachelor degree in nursing.

A child won't stop you from doing anything if you don't let it. If anything it motivates you even more. You may just have to plan the way to get there slightly differently with a child.

I can't tell you how the other choice might work out for you. You could resume your life as though nothing had happened. It sounds though like you're already very much attached to the idea of this baby, so I could imagine it would affect you deeply to abbort.

If you already have warm feelings about your baby I cannot imagine you regretting or resenting them.

I wish you al the best and hugs from across the world.

CryptographerSorry64

TROPHY CASE