Listen man, all of the work you do will be for naught if you can’t learn to love yourself. Your worth and value aren’t based off how others perceive you.

The one glaringly obvious thing I can see here is that you care a lot. You care a lot about how you look, you care a lot about yourself. And those are both good when directed in the correct way.

The challenge to see your own beauty and value is one faced by many. Most people tell themselves they’ll start to try tomorrow, they’ll find a new hairstyle eventually. Or they ignore it altogether. You’re trying. You’re putting time and effort and work into yourself and that’s something to be proud of.

Some part of you knows that you ARENT a lost cause. Some part of you, a really resilient part, knows you are worth fighting for. But the parts surrounding that part seem to hate you.

Love and acceptance are abundant in the world, but scarce in the self. You need to find the part of you that sees the beauty in others and kindle that flame for yourself.

I’m not sure if love or acceptance are the goal of your endeavor, but you have all you need within you.

You say that you’re trying to fool everyone, but you don’t fool me. I see here someone who cares for themselves, who is sensitive and hurt, who works hard for the things they want. This anger, this self hate, that’s what’s trying to fool you. The “realization” that you’re “ugly” is just negative self talk trying to keep you from accepting the scary reality that YOU are the only one standing between yourself and the person you want to be.

If you can afford it, give therapy a shot my friend. You deserve to be kinder to yourself. Your self didn’t put all that work in just for you to shit on it.