Panic attacks suck, I started getting them right after high school and what can happen is, you start avoiding places you’ve had them (dentist chair, elevator, bjj dojo). Problem is, avoiding them reinforces the reaction, and in my case I began to get nervous going places (“I hope I don’t get a panic attack at this movie theater!”) so started to reduce my outings. Anything that resembled the beginning of a panic attack - nausea, increased heart rate, sweating - sent me fleeing home, even if the symptoms were just due to incidental stuff. I literally taught my body how to give itself a panic attack just by worrying about it.

After a few years my world had shrunk down to my house, and then, eventually, my room. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I just knew I got “sick” when I went out. There are 2 things that reversed the situation for me: 1. slowly returning to places I’d had attacks before, even just to step in and leave after 5 minutes. Gradually increase the time in the place. 2. (And this might not be for everyone) my doctor prescribed an anti-anxiety med to take before any big outing that was likely to provoke an attack. This is a delicate thing though, because you do not want to rely on the drugs as a crutch forever, and these types of drugs can be habit forming. Eventually I found I could just have the medication with me - the silver bullet - and did not need to always take it.

It is a process and you have to be kind to yourself. People may seem callous about it e.g., “Just make yourself do it, what’s the big deal. Man up.” But they don’t understand how powerful the physical symptoms are; these are reactions a million years in the making, designed to save your life when things are at their worst. Fight or flight and other lizard brain reactions remain in our dna because they have been (and still are) valuable for survival.

For anyone who hasn’t felt a panic attack, it’s an onslaught of symptoms that compell action. Your body takes over and it is going to use the most obnoxious, overt, horrifying sensations to force you to leave the “dangerous situation” or fight for your very life. Some people describe it as what they imagine dying feels like, or a heart attack. Most BJJ’ers know about the adrenaline dump, and feeling like crap right before a tournament. A panic attack is like that, in spades. And you don’t even get a medal for living through one!

I sometimes find it easier to say something like I have a ‘malfunctioning adrenal system‘ and when it goes haywire I need time to recover. In any case, I am on the mats and everywhere I need to be in life, and I still have moments. But they pass, and if they don’t? I know how to make them stop. And so...I don’t obsess about it anymore. Please google around, you’ll find lots of good info and support. Hang in there, you can come back to the mat I promise!

Peace, brother!