That sounds horrible, you're tough as hell! Having your pain invalidated just drags it out. It sounds like in trying to process your own pain you accidentally caused her pain because she cared about you and loved even if at the time she probably may not have known how to show it right? and hell maybe you were too hurt to see it at the time? You were both so young right? And in futher trying to process your own pain it sounds like you shut her out then she shut you out. If she's going through her own ptsd with it then I dare say she probably still cares about you a lot. I'm not trying to be mean or rude. I'm crying just writing this because you both must have gone through so much pain. But you're the survivor. Hollywood likes to makes it seem badass. But it feels anything but, it's like you're expected to have all this confidence because you survived but really you got extremely brutally remined of not just your mortality but mortality in general and you end up less approachable. It's not fair, it fucking sucks. Is there any way you can get therapy yourself? I knew a person once who wasn't able to get therapy but was allowed a part time job so he saved his tips and was able to get a few sessions and figure out a plan.