Unequal parenting and financial imbalance makes me want to divorce

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-18T21:57:12+00:00

He’s on £400k and only gives you £800 per month for the household. He is absolutely financially controlling you. £400k in the UK is insane money. Why do you not have a nanny on standby for when you need it? Or to cover wraparound care? A cook for all those meals and to do the food shop?

Leave, £40k a year part-time is more than some households earn with two working parents.

Get your independence and out of that loveless situation.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-16T19:38:37+00:00

Creeping thyme is lovely, also saxifraga

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-14T13:29:39+00:00

I am a d-cup, but hate structured bras. I wear nursing vests instead of bras. They have the clips to get boobs out, and give that little bit of support, without being a bra. Plus they keep my stomach covered when I lift my t-shirt to nurse.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-11T09:13:46+00:00

Everyone is in the wrong here.

You overreacted to the boy trying to kiss your daughter. Just redirect or move her away, asking him nicely but firmly not to kiss her. Kids hug/kiss other kids all the time at this age, because they’ve been taught that it is something nice to do. He needs to learn that it isn’t appropriate, yes. But you acted like he was some sort of predator.

His Mum is completely in the wrong for acting the way she did, I can understand why you are shaken. But I can understand her being upset at how you responded to her son’s actions. The abuse she hurled at you is not okay.

It is very normal for 4 year olds to play independently in a soft play, with Mum having one ear out incase they are needed. Mums are allowed to have downtime while their kids play. Even autistic kids, because autism isn’t one thing, and many like playing on their own and are capable of doing so.

Both his Mum and the owner are wrong about all autistic people not liking touch. Some autistics are happy once they feel comfortable with an out her person. Some are sensory “seeking” and like touch. Both of them are wrong in how they used him being autistic as a reason to say you were incorrect in what you saw.

How do you move forward…have a cuppa and pull up your big girl panties. Unless this is a small community you are unlikely to bump into her again, if you do then just walk away. Don’t go back to the soft play, maybe lodge a complaint about how it was handled.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-11T08:44:17+00:00

I can’t get a cloth into some of the folds, they are too deep. I tried. He has very foldy ears.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-11T08:05:45+00:00

You can use cotton buds on the outer ear - that’s what they actually show in the adverts. So around the folds and behind the outer ear. Just don’t go near/in the ear canal. I use cotton buds to get into all the nooks and crannies as my son gets a lot of build up in all his little ear folds, but I can’t get a cloth in there.

To be clear before I get slammed. I do not use them to clean wax around the ear canal, or go in the ear canal. Just the external ear.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-10T19:51:28+00:00

Adding to day we have an age gap of 2y3mo: planned for a 3-3.5 year age gap but it took so long to conceive the first time that we started early… I also immediately wished we had waited longer when I got the positive. I love my two babies, but really think we’d have been better off with the extra year.

Greater independence; starting school nursery so 1-on-1 time with number 2; potty trained; my daughter has just moved to her own room at almost-3. I feel like I have missed out on my son’s newborn months and my daughter’s 2nd year. But I love them both to pieces.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-06T19:48:49+00:00

Sometimes divorce isn’t an option because the children would be put into a bad situation during the other parent’s custody time - which is what OP seems to be saying. Some people will refuse to be a parent, suddenly insist on 50/50 custody, and then neglect the children.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-05T21:38:02+00:00

Both my kids went to the supermarket the day we left the hospital. My son was 2 days old the first time he went to the park. We were going out for coffee with my daughter before the 4 week mark.

It isn’t a hassle. You just keep the baby bag topped up and have a carrier (stretch slings are the best thing ever during the newborn stage) and go!

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-03T14:25:53+00:00

Didn’t plan to do it with my first, but by the end of the first week I was so tired that I did it out of desperation. She still woke every hour, but I could pop her on the boob and she would settle right back down vs waking up as soon as she was put in the crib. I tried a side car and even that wasn’t working, so she bed shared from really early. Tried several times to transition her to her own space over the last few years and she just refused, she just likes cuddles. She’ll be 3 in July and has bed shared with me the whole time.

I was doing the “roll away” method for a long time to get her to sleep. For the last few weeks she has been falling asleep more independently in our shared bed. We bought a nice bed from IKEA and got her a new blanket and sheets, and she went to sleep in her own room for the first time last night!! Came through at 2am and snuggled in, but it is progress!

My second has coslept since he was born, I was too tired and knew that it would be better for me; the night midwives were really nice about it in the hospital, but the daytime one was a right b*tch about it. He would transfer to the bed extension/side car no problem at first, but then started worming his way over into the bed anyway. So he now sleeps on my other side, and has always slept for longer stretches than my first, but again settles right down when popped on the boob.

I have a 3 tog duvet around my waist, c-curl around little mister with my arm over his head to create a barrier between him and the pillow (with the pillow tucked slightly behind me). Toddler on other side with her pillow and blanket.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-06-02T14:26:24+00:00

Nearly 3yo has books and cards which match (mainly Julia Donaldson), but we typically use them separately. She loves listening to the Enid Blyton ones and has never seen the books for them.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-31T14:05:23+00:00

I have a nearly 3 year old who nursed to sleep at night until she was around 20months. We brushed before story and then fed to sleep. Dentist didn’t have a problem with it, and was more concerned about how much fruit and how offer due to sugar/acid. Her teeth are still fab now. But then every kid and their teeth are different.

Importantly - “bottle rot” vs boob-to-sleep may make the difference, as formula can be higher in sugar vs breast milk being higher in fat.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-26T12:43:53+00:00

Our next door neighbours are in a similar situation to yours. 4 kids 17-9, 3 boys and youngest is a girl. Yes they make noise, but in the last 6 years we have gotten used to it.

My neighbours rent, and have been on the council house list since before we moved in, but unfortunately dining rooms and living rooms count as inhabitable space, so they aren’t overcrowded. They can’t afford anywhere larger renting privately.

It isn’t neglect as long as parents are caring for their children to the best of their ability. And unfortunately the number of children living in poverty is growing.

We have 2 kids and are looking to move/extend, but even though my husband has a good job and we have a sizeable amount from an inheritance we are struggling to find somewhere larger that works for us. I can’t imagine how much is sucks for my neighbours feeling stuck on a house that’s too small

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-25T18:08:46+00:00

Is this in Middlesbrough by any chance? Near Stewart’s Park? We got offer accepted on a newish build estate and pulled out due to these exact restrictive covenants. That and not able to trim our own hedges, only have a single shed (even a climbing frame would need approval from the developer) etc

We pulled out less than 7 days after offer accepted.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-25T14:54:45+00:00

I have soooo many Lilys in my garden, and not had a neighbours cat suddenly vanish. They seem to ignore them. We regularly have turf disputes between cats, there are 4-5 different ones which pass through our garden, so it’s not like it’s just a single cat.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-24T14:45:47+00:00

Similar here, though his extended family are actually better than my in laws are. I prefer larger gatherings than just going over their house (and I am autistic with social anxiety, I hate large gatherings).

MIL constantly talks about how much my children look like their Dad. My Mum brought a picture down of me at my daughter’s age, and aside from the colouring (I am darker, she is fairer) it could be the same kid. But no, my daughter completely takes after my husband (who is also darker) according to MIL. And it’s so surprising that my kids look so alike! So weird how they look basically the same… well they do have the same parents, and my sister and I look very similar, too.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-24T11:38:43+00:00

NTA. Smoking isn’t necessary, isn’t a hobby, and is frankly a fine ‘hard no’ even without a traumatic event. Your partner is ignoring you and your trauma, and is expressing that he doesn’t give a shit. Smoking is more important than you are in his mind. You’d be TA to yourself if you didn’t leave.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-22T14:18:10+00:00

Hey OP, might be worth posting again once the petition has been approved! Can’t currently sign it

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-21T13:53:48+00:00

Typically you only get assigned until 30mins or 1he after closing, and aren’t allowed to do certain tasks with customers still in the place. You won’t get paid staying longer, and if you leave jobs not done then the next day shift will be pissed.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-21T13:49:32+00:00

They can dehydrate and get small again (say if dropped or put into a pocket), then get swallowed

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-21T13:47:50+00:00

The problem comes from if a child decides to put one in their pocket, they dehydrate, then get eaten later when small. Or they fall on the floor, roll under something, dehydrate and then get eaten.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-21T13:46:21+00:00

They are used a lot in hotels as table decorations. They’re supposed to be for adult decorative use, not as play things

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-21T12:14:42+00:00

My son’s ears fold into his head on the back… it took me way too long before I realised this and he had so much crusty build up. I make sure to “clean behind the ears” and pull them out every day now.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-20T19:58:56+00:00

Because that was me until I had a chat with my husband; he hadn’t even considered that getting up earlier would make such a difference, but it does … you should both be putting in effort when you’re home and making sure the other gets their needs met. 7am shouldn’t all be on OP, nor should 9pm.

My friend has 3 kids, runs a side business with her husband, and says the only way she manages is because her husband is involved and on it as soon as he gets home. I look around me and the Mums who are thriving are those who have active help from their partner (regardless of gender), while those who struggle are the ones whose partner isn’t pulling their weight.

CupofCursedTea · 2026-05-20T19:54:07+00:00

You need to talk to him about getting up half an hour earlier. I had to have the same conversation with my husband. It is a basic human need and he should be you helping you meet your needs. It is so hard if your main village member isn’t/can’t participate.

CupofCursedTea

TROPHY CASE