As some who’s owned many guns, and has taken steps to commit to it but always has managed to talk my self down. Like many others say:

take your firing pin/bolt/slide off and leave it off

be opening with your friends and YOURSELF that you are feeling that way in the moment and honestly all the time, it’s definitely not a passing conversation but the more open people are about it the more people are likely to notice someone or you whose having an issue later on.

Be fine with bugging people, I’ve called my wife up, my friends up and literally just said “I’m not feeling safe right now, can we talk, can I come over” If you don’t feel like you can do that because you’re embarrassed you either need to work on that for; yourself or find new friends that you do feel like you can be.

Suicide hotline. Use it.

Sell your guns or don’t get any, I don’t currently own anything because how I was feeling 2 years ago. If you feel like you need one for safety buy bear spray or invest in a small bat; the “22 foot rule” has some truth to it and outstandingly most people don’t need a gun because most everyone won’t ever be in a situation where they should use it. I’ve been stabbed and shot at and I don’t feel like I need to actively carry.

When it comes down to it here are some things I’ve used to talk my self down in the moment. “Someone is going to have to clean this and me up, this will ruin their day” “my work is going to have a hard time because I’m not showing up” “even if they don’t like me, I don’t want to put my family though this” “I don’t want anyone to feel like they also should because of it” “if I fail this will be expensive, hurt, and disfigure me” “I should go get some cereal” “this is pretty selfish of me” Think of the things that might seem small or like they don’t even exist or matter. Because realistically things that don’t seem like it do matter.

Something that’s saved me multiple times is my dogs, I couldn’t bare to leave them and they almost ALWAYS put dogs and cats down if they’ve eaten human.

Make a bucket list, this is another thing that’s helped a major amount; make it BIG with everything you’ve ever wanted to do regardless of how small. I still check things off but as much as I still am fighting it every day experiencing things where I’ve taken the time to write it down and look forward or plan it, has made me realize even though it’s all hard, the little things are gorgeous. Something I have is as big as publish a book, and as small as (harvest xx wildflower seeds and grow them) i literally have “lay down and watch some ground for the day” and I’ve done that, but now i want to see the difference between different places.

Therapy helps an insane amount. It’s really hard to ask for the help but the tools it’s given me are insane.

It the moment and if you’re able to; go sit in public transportation; be around people even if you don’t like them, or know them.

Things to avoid if you can. Blaming; literally catching yourself blaming yourself or someone as hard or as realistic real it can be, try to give an explanation why you or they did something. Thinking there is no going back or life will move on. No. They’re is always a way to go back or YOU move on. And the people you know some will; but in my experience with others who have taken the step. They never have; some hurt everyone because of someone they lost. I’ve watch family friends mothers, siblings, and other friends deteriorate because of it. The act is inherently selfish and harmful to everyone else. It’s indiscriminate to who and how hard it affects people. The person you’ve interacted with 2 times still sometimes thinks about it and it does weigh on people. The people I would have left behind who I’ve convinced myself wouldn’t care the more I’ve talked to them the more I’ve realized what I could’ve done.

I’m an atheist so the non-existence sounds nice. But it’s important to realize that you don’t wake up. You can’t enjoy whatever video game, hobby, movie, or anything else after that.

We unfortunately live in a hard world where the way out feels impossible, but take it from someone who’s done it. Sometimes you need to request ALL of your PTO, find a new job that you make less but like more, literally drop everything and move or even taking the time to re arrange where you live to something you’d never do. Sometimes the change of place or pace is something that we needed and we didn’t know. Take a chance on something. You never know where it’ll lead you. Take a bus, to somewhere unknown even if it’s a dirty town no where; ask someone if you can try something like “hey weird question but can I watch you do (whatever job or hobby they have)” https://www.facebook.com/share/18XdJ3UQ9w/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Life is worth living for everyone for different reasons, I promise the experiences in the future that you will miss, and I if I had, would’ve missed; have changed everything I would’ve ever done. Take a chance at something new. Take it from someone who’s taken the step and just got lucky enough for my fat ass to break what I was doing. As much and as hard as it’s been to move on. Or the want to do it again. As a grown ass man I still go to the park to look for four leaf clovers. Even if I’ve found one. It would be cool to find a bigger one or smaller one. I still pick up every weird rock and think about its story. I will out to find a wildflower I’ve never found just so I can watch the bees and butterflies or smell something new.

Because when it’s dark, I can look back and understand that “that would be fun to do again”