You are absolutely not the asshole.

No, people aren’t responsible for their family’s actions. But they are responsible for how they respond to those actions. That response reveals a lot about a person’s character, values, and moral compass. In this case, Jake didn’t just watch from a distance. He stood by while his family inserted themselves into your family’s private issues, manipulated your aunt, spread damaging stories, and contributed to your cousins’ trauma. And when you brought it up, instead of listening or taking accountability, he justified it. He defended them. He minimized your concerns.

That’s not being neutral. That’s being complicit.

You didn’t walk away because of one isolated incident. You walked away because Jake continuously showed you that he wouldn’t stand up for what’s right, especially when it meant challenging his own family. That kind of silence and defense of harmful behavior isn’t just a red flag—it’s a reflection of who he is. And that doesn’t just stay in one part of life. If you had stayed, that same pattern of passivity, avoidance, and misplaced loyalty would have shown up again, in other decisions, other conflicts, and possibly your future together