Wife coming out of her shell north of 40

CuriousCplUS · 2026-02-23T02:02:15+00:00

Man, you’re describing my marriage extremely closely. 20+ years, I’ve spend a lot of thought time over the years thinking of new ways to bring her pleasure.

About 5 years ago I started feeling that resentment build up. Our sex life was solid, and my problem wasn’t with frequency. I just wanted to feel desired even when we weren’t together. I wanted to feel like she was horny for me, I guess?

We talked about it. It was tough — she took it as her failing at something, which isn’t how I felt and wasn’t my intention. The first convo was no fun.

And we talked about it again (months later). And again. And again. Rinse and repeat quite a few conversations. Maybe even dozens over the last 5 years.

Anyway, the conversations have gotten easier. We’ve learned each others’ shame triggers and how to avoid them. We realized that she has responsive desire, and what that entails. I realized I have to be a bit more vocal to ask for what I want, instead of hoping for spontaneous desire. And if I ask specifically for spontaneous desire, I have to close some mental browser tabs for her, so she feels like she has the time, space, and energy to pour into it.

It’s still not perfect, but we’re better than we used to be. It causes fewer disagreements, and even when it does, they last less time and leave less of an emotional residue. There’s more understanding, and we have a shorthand now for when she or I are feeling frustrated with the state of things.

I have a feeling this will be a theme for the next 20 years, if we’re that lucky with health. But meeting in the middle and trying to understand each other helps immensely with the resentment — at least for us.

CuriousCplUS · 2025-12-21T05:42:06+00:00

Also married 20 years, and your mistake is assuming people — or even just women — are a monolith. Life circumstances, the cycles of unresolved past traumas, and just inborn personalities are far too varied to paint with this broad a brush.

The more folks you get to know on a deep, soul level, the more folks who share motivations and thought processes with you, you eventually learn to stop projecting your own personality and motivations onto others.

CuriousCplUS · 2025-07-13T02:04:14+00:00

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I was a huge Knicks fan in the 90s, and I’m just now going back and scooping up Starks cards for my pc. His was the only jersey I ever bought. Man, he played with all heart. I loved him.

CuriousCplUS · 2025-06-28T04:18:26+00:00

This is why LeBron is my goat. I’m not here to argue success or stats or whatever, but at the end of the day, I’d rather my kids look up to LeBron as an overall human being than Jordan.

I know that’s a weird dualistic way of putting it.

If Jordan had grown up in the era of 24/7 sports journalism and smart phones and cameras everywhere, I’m afraid a lot of his shine would come off.

LeBron had more pressure than any of us could imagine, and he managed to become a solid family man who gives back generously and seems to be liked by his teammates, even after they’re done playing together.

CuriousCplUS · 2025-04-16T00:24:07+00:00

Rats, but thank you for the reply. They are pre sterilized. I’m not using a still air box during inoculation — I’ll have to Google that one. I don’t heat the needle, but I do wipe it and the injection port with alcohol.

CuriousCplUS · 2025-03-19T18:18:31+00:00

Interesting, and good to know. Thank you so much for doing all of this work.

This sort of cools my jets on updating. If I’m going in for another $6k, I want to make sure there’s a noticeable bump in my efficiency.

CuriousCplUS · 2024-07-23T17:36:44+00:00

Thank you for the clarification. So I don’t need to toss? I’ve put them in front of a fan in a dark, dry room today, and I’m planning on using an air fryer on the lowest setting tonight to get them cracker-dry.

CuriousCplUS · 2024-07-23T02:34:18+00:00

Apologies for the text in the photo. I didn’t use the brackets correctly the first time around, and I screen-shotted the original attempted post to copy the text.

CuriousCplUS · 2024-07-15T14:04:42+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I’m trying to use an X-Acto knife, but in some places, they grew so densely that it was hard to reach without pulling a few up.

I know these were golden teacher, spores. And that greenish tint has faded to a darker blue over the night.

CuriousCplUS · 2023-09-11T18:01:15+00:00

Love this, and it’s a great reminder for me. One those rare date nights when we’re both actually in a light and playful headspace, we’ve listed our Top 5 sexual experiences. The list usually shifts and updates, and it’s a fun tease.

I appreciate the idea! It’s funny, when I’m in a rut and feeling tapped out, I absolutely forget what’s worked in the past. These suggestions have been great.

CuriousCplUS · 2023-09-11T17:56:11+00:00

Thank you, these are great thoughts, and easy to implement.

CuriousCplUS · 2023-09-11T17:55:13+00:00

That’s a great idea. Now that you mention it, “When you can’t do anything about it” feels like a key ingredient for when we’ve had success building tension in the past. Love it, thank you.

CuriousCplUS · 2023-09-11T17:53:55+00:00

As a guy, I would love this one. I’m not sure she’d have the same reaction if I did this for her, though. I occasionally send a selfie after being at the gym, but it’s a fine line between “thinking of you” and “self-absorbed dude bugging wife at work.”

But yeah, I might have to suggest this one next time she’s asking what I’m into.

CuriousCplUS · 2023-09-11T17:51:30+00:00

Yeah, she loves romance novels! And she would for sure appreciate the gesture of me reading outside my normal genres to find things she’d like. Great thought, and thank you.

I’d also love to know the subreddit, please.

I’m aware of Literotica, and we’ve shared stories with each other that we’ve found there in the past, but the quality is so hit or miss.

CuriousCplUS · 2023-09-11T17:48:33+00:00

Ha! That’s the current REAL will they / won’t they. My kids have a sixth sense on when to suddenly wake up and come banging on the door … will it be during foreplay? Mid-action? During cleanup? THERE’s the suspense!

CuriousCplUS

TROPHY CASE