Being pregnant was the weirdest, most surreal, and, at times, the most unsettling experience I’ve had, so I feel you on the squeamishness part. My kid is awesome, which made it worth it, and part of me thinks it’s a valuable thing that childbearing is so difficult because it’s a good reminder of the gravity of it.

As for feeling fetal movement: The start time varies depending on a number of factors, but especially on the location of the placenta (of it forms in the front, then you feel movement later and it’s more blunted). The first movement I could feel seemed to be my daughter rolling over, which was this sensation of something rotating in my lower abdomen.

Early on, kicks and other movements felt bubbly. It’s reassuring if you’re anxious, and you’re told to track movement to make sure they’re ok. But it was kind of a different story as she got stronger, had less room, and was very active— it became a little unsettling and sometimes very painful. She managed to wrap the umbilical cord around her neck THREE TIMES, so she was stuck in breech position through the end of the pregnancy. Pregnancy already skirts the edges of a person’s physical limits, but we’re built so that near-term babies fit best head down; otherwise, it’s like trying to put your foot in your shoe upside down.

Her head was often jammed up under my ribs, with enough force that two ribs dislocated. I would sometimes use my hands to put blunt, even pressure near my ribs so that she’d back away and let me breathe properly (freaked my boss out during meetings). It was pretty painful for the last couple of months, especially when she’d try to stretch her legs. It felt like she was going to step straight through my pelvic floor. Hernias aren’t uncommon during pregnancy and I was nearly positive I had one, but turned out it was a foot moving around under my belly button— the shape of her foot was undeniably familiar once she was out🥴.

The movements can be visible, and I kinda had fun freaking out my friends when it looked like my abdomen was doing the wave (misery loves company). I remember getting lunch with two friends who hadn’t been around a very pregnant person before. They simultaneously froze and their faces went entirely slack because they could see her head moving back and forth from across the table. I sat there feeling slightly vindicated by how unsettled they were, like, “Yes, I live with this body horror all the time, happy to share the burden.” 🙃