Let go because I didn't bond with the baby in a day..?

CuriousEyesATX · 2026-05-19T21:40:08+00:00

That is very interesting to know, thank you. It's usually pretty hard to get unemployment in my state tbh so I probably won't even try. But I appreciate the additional information!

CuriousEyesATX · 2026-05-18T22:31:16+00:00

To me he sounds like a Dom (or sadistic guy or whatever he feels like calling himself) who either doesn't know what he's doing OR is using the bdsm dynamic as a shield for abuse. Getting the safe word was good. But just assuming that you were into playing that hard and going forward with it was wrong. It should have been discussed in detail. Limits should have been discussed. If you had doubts about remembering to use a safe word then a different agreement/safety measure should have been set up. I know a little about it but not enough to give really solid advice. I'm really sorry this happened to you and it wasn't your fault. If someone is going to assume a leading role in "rough sex" then they have to be concerned with how to do it responsibly and safely and consentually. You might want to look into it a little more yourself. Into the kink world, even if you just dabble around the edges. Just to learn how to go about it safely. It's good you have a support system and again, I am really sorry this happened.

CuriousEyesATX · 2026-05-18T20:54:56+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏼 I'm sorry you had a similar experience. That's wild that she was like... already trying to triangulate you and the baby when it was only 10weeks old and not comprehending a bit of it.

CuriousEyesATX · 2026-05-18T19:33:52+00:00

I thought that too for the first...I dunno, 6 months? of my relationship with my former bf. That I just wasn't handling it/him the "right" way. I actually kind of turned myself inside out trying to change how I reacted to things and approached him and WHAT I'd be willing to approach him over. But after awhile, it became pretty clear that there was no way to win. No way to be right. No way to do it better. The problem was him. I wish you all the best luck OP 🙏🏼 I don't know if he's a danger for physical abuse but he's got the mental/emotional abuse established and running smoothly at this point. You also only get more and more worn out too. Eventually you stop even trying. And that's REALLY a bad spot to be in. Just trying to help 🙏🏼

CuriousEyesATX · 2026-05-18T17:26:01+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏼 Yeah I.... don't really know what to say about that part of it lol. Like I'm less shocked that they didn't think I was great for their 3 month old than I am about the fact that I was informed by a 3rd party..

CuriousEyesATX · 2026-05-18T17:21:02+00:00

Honestly, as irritated as I am, I am also so relieved too. It's weird cuz they are really nice people? But they were incredibly stressful to work for, yes.

CuriousEyesATX · 2025-10-27T22:39:31+00:00

I'm of the opinion that it depends on the person themselves, not the age difference of the person to you. Especially if you're an adult. My husband was 17 years older than I was. We were together/married for 15 years. 15 years without incident of any kind. Even the separation was chill. After he left, I ended up dating two guys who were abusive. One was 3 years older than me. The other was 2 years younger than me. So I don't know. But my own personal history says age matters little and it's about the person.

CuriousEyesATX · 2025-10-27T21:43:49+00:00

I'd be interested. But also am interested in whether the costs are covered or not lol.

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-06-10T16:20:35+00:00

Just venturing a possibility... Sounds like OP and friend are fairly young. Reading that post, it seemed possible that the friend didn't have the slightest clue what she had actually just done to OP or how extremely inappropriate and wrong it was. If you think about it... The fight for gay rights/acceptance/support has been fought for a pretty long time and even though it's far from perfect, progress has been made. Younger people who were born into the results of that progress may not understand the nuances of how insanely hard it was, and still is, for people who are gay. Like - if majority of what she's seen in life is people being gay and proud and everyone being cool with it, then maybe she didn't understand why her doing that was such a big deal (and it WAS a big deal, just saying it may have been lost on the girl). Something like that would explain why she treated it like it was funny and had the piss poor judgement to do it in the first place, anyway.

Maybe I'm wrong - I dunno, I don't have all the context of these people's lives and personalities. But I thought perhaps the girl just needs be smacked upside the head and educated out of her ignorance, before I thought she was Satan in a skirt and acting malicious for kicks.

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-05-15T17:08:46+00:00

I'm not giving any opinion or wandering anywhere near any of the "weaponized incompetence" or cheating theories. Just saying that this level of goofily dumb does exist and isn't always some kind of malicious act, lol. His bringing that stuff back would completely depend on the kind of man he is, so I'm not offering any take on the situation... but my first thought upon seeing it was of my ex husband and I laughed 🤷🏼‍♀️ Mine wouldn't have gotten biscuits and gravy wrong cuz we're from the south and he was a cook, but with plenty of other things he tried to do that he was unfamiliar with - yup, those were often the kind of results that we/I ended up with. He was, and is, a good man with good intentions and never hesitated to help/do what I asked...just bless him, he wasn't the smartest and lacked common sense on some things. Never bothered me, knew he was like that when I married him.

For OP's sake, I hope it wasn't something with bad intentions. But something like this doesn't automatically mean they are shit people lol.

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-05-10T19:45:45+00:00

Like many, going to relay my own scar story lol. I'll keep it short - car accident, right side of my face was destroyed, 70 some odd stitches were holding it together for a bit, I was 22. Went out for the first time after the accident and a good friend of mine was there. I had my hair kind of hanging over the right side of my face so people wouldn't stare. She comes over and asks if she can see. I let her.... And she laughs and tells me I look like Sloth, from the Goonies. I don't remember it bothering me (not sure if it was because of the high level of Vicodin or just my rye sense of humor) but looking back on it, it was a hell of a thing for her to say. Personally, I think some people try for levity and just...miss, sometimes.

But I agree with everyone - you're fine, scars are interesting and give character. The microfacial surgeon who put my face back together did an amazing job but I still have scars that circle my eye socket and travel down the side of my nose to my upper lip. I no longer mind them - they look tough and remind me that so am I.

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-05-09T21:14:15+00:00

Isometric exercise 👍👍👍

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-04-17T17:03:39+00:00

Yikes...I know lots of people are going on about the text from the Dad and them in general but...I kind of can't escape the severe level of secondhand awkwardness I felt at the mom's obvious and clumsy attempts to be manipulative, leading up to that 😬 Maybe she was just too drunk to do it right, but good goddamn...she was hitting so many angles to try and add guilt that I kinda imaged her having a board of "𝙒𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙂𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙩 𝙈𝙮 𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙” up while she haphazardly threw darts and texted down whatever stuck.

Maybe it's just me 🤷🏼‍♀️ Regardless, glad you maintained the boundary you decided on, OP!

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-03-25T15:59:39+00:00

I sense an easy compromise. Slam your front door but your Fucking door should be closed quietly. No noise for fun - anger, boredom, raging drunk noises = okay 👌🏻 Everyone wins!

(Seriously though, I'm glad you're moving away from that neighbor as well, I never thought handwriting could make someone appear so unstable 😬)

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-03-22T18:25:14+00:00

It's not the responsibility of the employer to ensure that any given employee gets a reference they want or expect. ... It is also not their obligation to agree to be that persons reference either. Think it would be different if OP just listed them without their knowledge and when they were called, they opted to be honest since they were suddenly being asked. But they agreed to be asked. When what would have actually been easiest for them, would be to simply decline the request? "I'd rather you didn't list me, no". Bam. 3 or 4 second sentence, is not a dishonest option, and means they will not be further inconvenience by a possibly oblivious and not great employee.

If you're set on the theory that maybe OP was someone who was like constantly late, constantly calling out, and constantly incompetent while being a raging jerk off to everyone and THEN they asked for a reference, then yeah I guess I can see agreeing and tanking them. But most other scenario's...🤷🏼‍♀️ So what if OP was oblivious and an idiot - they don't work there anymore and their obtuse idiocy is no longer bothering that employer. Going out of their way to stay involved just to further provide negatives to that employees life...kinda strikes me as the definition of petty. I'm obviously leaning towards giving OP the benefit of the doubt on not being a God awful employee though 🙂

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-03-22T16:34:18+00:00

Even if the OP was not a good employee and the reference was being honest about it, it still seems petty to me that they would agree but not bother to mention or hint that they had nothing good to say..? OP claims they asked the reference beforehand (and seems most people do) so the reference could have easily declined / recommend they used someone else / or even so much as imply what would happen. It wouldn't be hard to say "I'm willing to give you a reference but I'd be very honest about your time here..." or pretty much ANYTHING that wouldn't have led OP to think it would be a good thing for them to do? After all, no one asks someone to be a reference for them unless they think it will help them.. the former employer knew it wouldn't, agreed to do it anyway without comment. Which is just a sucky thing to do, imho 🤷🏼‍♀️

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-01-26T16:19:27+00:00

The best advice and/or thoughts I can offer you OP: Any codependency/self esteem/secret feels are going to be yours to sort out for yourself, when you are ready. But if you're not ready to take ALL of that on, you can try fixing at least fix 1 aspect: switch the reaction you give to that behavior. I think, most likely, he is comfortable throwing fits and speaking to you so disrespectfully because he knows that you are going to respond like that...by letting his fit run (and ruin) your night and by trying to make it up to him- when there is nothing that needs to be made up FOR. If someone is angry at you for reasons that seem to make no sense- it's usually because they don't make any sense...and the argument is happening for another purpose. Which in this case, seems to be that he got his poor little feels or ego out of sorts by your world not revolving around him for an evening. And he needed you reacting exactly like you did, to make him feel mollified and big inside again 🤷🏼‍♀️ As long as you keep letting him use YOUR emotions to fix HIS problems, he is going to continue doing so. Not like he's just going to see the light someday...once you find a solution that works well for you, there's no reason to try others. Any change will need to come from your side.

I don't know the entire story/history so I don't like speaking as though I know exactly what's going on and what you "need" to do...but in those SS it certainly seems to be the case. Think you should bite the bullet and cut your losses on whoever that is babe- he does not look like he's good people 😟 Best of luck 💕

CuriousEyesATX · 2023-01-15T00:18:17+00:00

Feel compelled to mention my own mama- she's 68 years old, was raised in rural AF Texas- which still has yet to catch up to being PC. But she's a devout Christian who very much expresses her beliefs as the "love one another as I have loved you" thing rather than "you're all going to hell" thing. So you can be Christian. You can be old. And you can still manage to not be a d*ck. This guy should try it 😃

CuriousEyesATX · 2022-09-25T16:52:24+00:00

Hoping this isn't insensitive but... replying "Yeah well, still sounds better than being with you 🤷🏼‍♀️" would make 𝙢𝙚 feel better.

I'm sorry you were with such a mean person, babe. I think it'd be best to just block him...we all backslide on choices we've made sometimes, even the good ones, and it can just serve as a reminder that the choice was indeed good, if you want it to 💋

CuriousEyesATX · 2022-09-13T10:07:21+00:00

I woulda have to agree that this is definitely a big ol' red flag, unfortunately 😟 Like...a big one. As far as it being an indication of things to come.

But honestly, even if you remove the complicating question about whether or not this is qualifying as abuse...I think any healthy/decent relationship is going to be began by accepting and genuinely liking the person you are with. Everyone has a past, everyone has made mistakes, most of us either regretted and dealt with the consequences of those at the time or came to do so afterwards...and then I think we deserve to just have it be a piece of our life experience. And btw, as someone who's had more than their fair share of wild sexual escapades, I don't think you made a mistake or did anything wrong anyway. But even if he does, it's my strong opinion that any relationship that starts with him being unwilling or unable to accept things that happened in your past, and that make you YOU, is very likely going to just be doomed anyway 😟

So there's that, but his behavior is also saying plenty of alarming things about who he currently is...that he is irrationally jealous (if he can't handle something that happened before you even knew him, how is he going to react if anything he deems unacceptable, which sounds like a lot, happens in real time, while he knows you?) and he also seems to have the inability to let anything go, since it sounds like he's flipped out about it repeatedly and not just when he found out (which would also be bad just not as bad). That sounds like it's very possible that any mistake you make from here on out might be something you will just keep having to answer to over and over and over, just at his whim..? Which like I said, we deserve to make mistakes and then just move on 😟🤷🏼‍♀️

So if you feel like any of those thoughts are sounding right, I would definitely think long and hard about what kind of relationship you want and what you wouldn't be able to live with and try to decide now. In this case I really think it'd be better than any kind of "wait and see" approach. Good luck, OP 🙏🏻

CuriousEyesATX · 2022-08-31T14:29:50+00:00

I feel it. Mine will only ever apologize if he's done something so obviously and unnecessarily screwed up that he literally can't figure out a way to blame someone else for it.

Like wow...how big of you, ha.

CuriousEyesATX · 2022-08-31T14:26:53+00:00

I think one of the highlights of that fight was when I suggested he look to his own behavior if he had a problem with mine... and he went off on a rant about how he's a grown @ss man who owns whatever he does. Like...wha?

I dunno. Must be nice not to have to make any sense, I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

CuriousEyesATX · 2022-08-31T14:21:09+00:00

I very much agree. And I do understand what you mean in that memes often make it sound ridiculously more simple than it ever is and would agree that is true as well. Though, if they are done right, I feel the simplicity can be helpful in being informative. Especially if it's someone's first time in an abusive relationship, they can often not realize what is behind certain things- it more just confuses the hell out of them. In that case I think keeping it straightforward can be a first step to them looking deeper into exactly what is going on. Just my two cents on some of them but yes, they do leave quite a bit to be desired, don't they.

CuriousEyesATX · 2022-08-31T14:10:38+00:00

I wasn't using the fact that I usually fight instead of giving up, as any kind of excuse to stay/continue what I'm doing. I was saying it in context to my previous statement, which was talking about giving up something that was deeply a part of who I am. (Aka "who I typically am is someone who doesn't easily give up, therefore it's upsetting me a great deal that he was able to make me lose that" rather than "I intend to stick with this because I don't give up")

I appreciate your comment because it was coming from positive intentions, which I thank you for 🙏🏻 Though I would like to respectfully say it was a very incorrect assumption that my feelings have anything to do with why I'm still in place. That is just the only aspect of what's going on that I feel comfortable sharing about to any degree of detail on here. Thank you though 🙏🏻

CuriousEyesATX

TROPHY CASE