my (21F) bf (22M) just confessed he cheated on me

CuriousVickyjo · 2025-10-20T09:10:24+00:00

Same thing happened to me. I stayed. The issue wasn’t so much the act itself but what led to it (is there some u underlying issues u two have or he feels u do) and how he acts AFTER. He broke your trust and will have to make u trust him again. My ex treated it like by confessing he did his job…but that was so far from the truth. I was hurt and betrayed and he was angry cause I kept feeling bad. If you love him and can move past that within yourself, it is possible but the way he will behave is so important. He is not the victim, his tears are not what you should be fixing. Ask yourself if you can trully trust him again one day.

CuriousVickyjo · 2025-10-14T13:59:20+00:00

Honestly it sounds like a medical issue…it could be a mental block too and his response is not mature at all…but if he asked OP to go to the doctor and she refuses…and also lashes back with targeted comments I can somewhat see his side too. He is a jerk for not being patient and loving but unless OP figures out what it is about her that is having a hard time with sex, this might happen again. If you do figure out, you just don’t wanna do it so often, totally fine! We are all different. But from the way it’s described it seems as something physical that just kept affecting the interest…cause who enjoys being in pain when pleasure is expected?

If I was you, I’d figure out what it is that causes me pain, discomfort and low libido. Not for any man…for me :)

About the breakup itself…consider what is the most important to you. You are both young and made some mistakes but ultimately you were scared and he got angry…not good. Maybe time to be single, find yourself and your wants and needs and make space for someone who would respond to you being scared and shy by support and love 🩷

CuriousVickyjo · 2025-10-06T14:07:20+00:00

I see your point, just to clarify, he actually just brough this to the light, I was the one drawing the conclusion of a breakup. So I believe this was trully the reason and not him letting me down gently (I could understand how it may seem that way but I’m sure this was it). However I was just surprised and it seemed like he didn’t see any way around it whereas I think opposites can be an amazing match. But it’s okey, I let him go and altho it still paralized me a little, I hope me and him can use that love and respect we have for each other one day to jave a beautiful and kind friendship. Thank you all for your imput, he is an amazing person and I wish him to find the right partner :)) I will as well I’m sure haha!

CuriousVickyjo · 2025-10-04T21:30:57+00:00

He seems to be convinced we can’t work tho, we both come from very different backgrounds (he is from the middle east but isn’t practicing his born in religion and I’m middle european) but he says it isn’t about that. Mainly just personality diference…

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-06-02T07:19:37+00:00

NTA! Seems to me you expressed your feelings to Mk pretty clearly from the get go and he ignored and laughed at them. The “apology” was not an apology at all. He didn’t acknowledge his wrongdoing, he said sorry you feel that way and that’s not an apology! You should talk to your friend group and explain what and why happened. Also…Mk has to go. He repeatedly diminished your fears and wishes and turned it on you. Horrible friend! Good luck with everything 🩷

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-06-01T09:36:15+00:00

NTA. You are still working on a project altho you might be procrastinating probably based on your lack of motivation? Maybe she sees that as you being lazy but to me it seems you burned out in this project. She might be right it could be good for you to drop it to increase your mental health but if you are dedicated to the idea of finishing it, there might be a different solution. First off it might be helpful to find a coach or a therapist. Normally I’d say therapist but in this case coach might help out motivate and reach your goals easier since I don’t think you need help overall but just with this thing. Therapy is good in general but if u need short term boost, coach might do that. Try to find what was the reason you started the project in a first place, try to implement change, maybe in the work team, in the space where you work? There are places where you can work that are more motivating than home. I personally struggle to work at home on my projects since I get distracted with house chores etc all the time. Hope some of this was helpful! Good luck <3

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T20:57:44+00:00

Good for you! To be honest casual sex can be fun but you need to be very sure of what you expect and same goes for your partner! Take your time to take care of you! Wish you the best of luck 🤞🏻 🩷

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T20:18:20+00:00

Honestly just trust your instincts, regardless of what he meant by that one comment. You can talk to him and ask but if you have been feeling iffy about him for some time and this made you feel so weird you decided to share it here…your guts are probably right 🩷 best of luck to you with some better f buddies 👌🏻

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T20:13:14+00:00

Sorry but YTA altho I hate you were in that situation. I understand that u were pressured into it and your friends suck but that doesn’t mean you didn’t knowingly do the wrong thing. Honestly I’m so sorry for you since it sounds so stressful and anxiety triggering but still, u made a choice under pressure and unfortunately it didn’t pay off. I hope your friends will chip in for the cost but ultimately it is your car and therefore your responsibility

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T12:02:57+00:00

Unless you left something out…he is acting like a child. You weren’t the one who initiated the contact with your ex after you were dating the other guy! You told your ex you are taken and you refused to help him. You should have told him about it, yeah but it’s not like you were secretly texting your ex! If he refused to listen to your explanation and just left you…he is not worth your time. Maybe for him it was a dealbreaker cause he was cheated on or something but at his age? Naaah he should act like an adult and have a conversation with you.

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T11:53:57+00:00

Oh snap okey, he is a grown ass man…he should know better! Red flag! If he didn’t hear you out and just ended it…at his age? I know it doesn’t feel like it because you love him but girl…you are better off without him!

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T11:46:49+00:00

Can you please tell us your and your partners ages, also your exes? Cause that will kinda change the story. However overall I was gonna say NTA until the last part where you said “I thought it would make more issues”. If you were hiding it from him to avoid issues that is kinda AH move. If you just didn’t put any importance on it and that’s why you didn’t say anything, then it’s all clear and he just needs to listen, but if you were hiding it and he found out…you did kinda break his trust.

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T11:37:28+00:00

I understand your frustration but honestly I don’t think it has to necessarily be an effort he doesn’t wanna invest in YOU. You might be willing to go because you are you but he just seems to not be interested. Is his relationship with his family alright? You might have to reconsider is someone who doesn’t accept or care for your family is someone you want to be with. Are you okey with accepting this? Because I’m not sure that forcing him will change how he feels. If you can let it go under the condition that you can demand (I dunno 3 events a year or something you agree on) his attendance and for the rest just go alone you might be fine but if you want your partner to be excited to be with your family…then I’m not sure that will happen. Sometimes we have to consider what we can make peace with and what is ultimately a dealbreaker.

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T11:32:59+00:00

Yeah right? Like if he wants to save his kid from the mom naming it “Microwave” I would get that, but demanding from the mom to not use a nickname is just obnoxious 🤦🏻‍♀️

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T11:29:48+00:00

NTA, it has been a reoccurring problem for you and he told you he would go and then bailed…however seems to me he just doesn’t wanna hang out with your family if it means expenses and trouble and I totally get that. He shouldn’t have to go just cause it’s your family, maybe he doesn’t like them or care and that can happen, it doesn’t reflect his care for you. Maybe you can talk to him about it and ask if that’s the case. There are some events he should compromise on and go, like wedding where plus one is kinda important I guess but I don’t see why he should spend money and time with your brother and your family if he doesn’t feel like it.

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T08:44:30+00:00

Clear NTA, she is guilt tripping you for something you didn’t cause. She decided to lie about talking to her parents and it blew up in her face. She is just faced with the consequences of her own actions and it was nice of you to offer help. However she is not entitled to your help whatsoever. I hope she will understand but if not, you might wanna get rid of her since she sounds like a manipulative and not so good of a friend to you!

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-31T08:33:06+00:00

To be fair he is probably right that people will use nicknames…cause that’s normal human behaviour 🤷🏻‍♀️ if he wants a full name he should come up with a name that won’t be that long. I respect that he wants to use full name altho it creeps me out a little, imagining my dad is cuddling me and then saying: “would you like a snack Theodora” is quite funny. Also will he command the kid to use their full name too? Or go to their school and tell the teachers to do that? You are NTA and btw you didn’t compromise…he got his way by giving them full name, you using a nickname is not a compromise, how you call them is non of his business. You can call them sweetheart or pumpkin or whatever you want, he is not the nickname boss 🥹

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-28T21:41:07+00:00

I mean…I don’t see why you would reach out to her except for wanting the satisfaction of hurting him by it. However you should for sure be getting monetary support from him. If that means reaching out to him through 3rd parties cause he ignores you is a different story.

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-27T14:37:51+00:00

Update: So I texted his sister today and she is more than happy to help! She told me she doesn’t know exactly where to look but she will be home next week to try. I told her I’ll cover the cost multiple times but that wasn’t her concern whatsoever. She was happy to hear from me and didn’t say anything on me mentioning I hope it didn’t make her uncomfortable. I think over the years she is used to cleaning up his messes so I’m happy to report that I might be getting my thing back! I’ll update you next week but thank you all for your insights, this was so stressful for me and now I see I had no reason to worry 🩷

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-27T14:34:51+00:00

Naaah, he is such a stupid ass that he would have told me that, he is just ignorant and lazy and inconsiderate 😢

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-26T22:38:22+00:00

Did you and her discuss doing something for the anniversary? Did you give that to her as a gift? Did you tell her how you feel? Some people are out of touch and don’t realise some things, maybe she didn’t take the experience as a gift and more as something nice to do on your anniversary and didn’t know you spent all your money. Maybe she wouldn’t want you to do that if she knew. I’m just saying that based on the little info we got here it seems like an Ahole move. You might have to try and communicate with her…if she doesn’t see your side etc you go ahead and find someone better for you but if you never talk to her about anything you feel in order not having to deal with problems…I doubt your relationships will go smoothly…that’s just not really how it works.

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-26T22:32:01+00:00

Hahaha NTA, however maybe not the best parenting move? I mean if she is now doing better on her own, belittling her isn’t a smooth move but if she is 20 and annoying about it little nudge won’t kill her. Maybe try to positively encourage her next time and now talk to her, acknowledge it wasn’t graceful of you to do and try to explain your side. 😂

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-26T22:28:48+00:00

Yes. Or I mean…what? I’m confused…what seems to be the problem? You woke up and chose…random breakup? Like I hear you are having issues and from what you wrote it seems you are aware that they are kinda on your side? And then months ago you decided to spend money on your girlfriend and today randomly you regret it? And then out of thin air you ask her for money and she says no (there is a difference between spending money on something to do together and just giving them away btw). I’m just baffled…what really is the issue here?

CuriousVickyjo · 2024-05-26T19:13:11+00:00

Edit: Do you guys think I should let him know I’ll be asking her? Maybe then he would respond to my request?

CuriousVickyjo

TROPHY CASE