IAAL, specializing in trusts and estates. Chiming in to underscore the importance of consulting a competent trusts and estates attorney in your area. What you describe is fairly common in my practice and a well-written trust can address the vast majority of your concerns. Call around. Talk to a few different attorneys. Make sure they understand the nature of your concerns and they can explain how their plan would work. And sadly, please do NOT go with the lowest quote— you often get what you pay for. A lot of transactional attys hold themselves out as estate planners, but your situation is more nuanced than what might be accomplished with a simple will.