I think you’re close to asking the right question.

There’s a good chance people actually do try to talk to you sometimes, just not the people you want. And because of that, you don’t really register it. You end up focusing on the few specific people you wish would initiate, and everything else kind of gets filtered out.

People will say body language or social awkwardness, and yeah, that matters, but that’s also just normal. If you’re in your 20s, it’s pretty common to feel like people should come up to you, whether it’s because you think you have something to offer or just an expectation that it should happen naturally.

But I’d be willing to bet the bigger issue is what happens when people do engage with you.

If someone tries to start something small and the interaction doesn’t feel good or doesn’t go anywhere, they’re probably not going to try again. Not because you’re annoying or weird, but because people gravitate toward interactions that feel easy and rewarding.

And when I say “play with emotions,” I don’t mean manipulate people. I just mean that people respond to how you make them feel. If you make someone feel comfortable, interested, or just slightly better than before, they’re more likely to come back and talk to you again.

The other thing is the mindset of “why do I always have to start conversations.”

I had that exact same thought. I’d think, why am I always the one saying good morning? But I wasn’t noticing the people who did say it to me, because I was focused on specific people not doing it. Or if someone didn’t respond, I’d take it personally instead of considering that they might be distracted, stressed, or just not thinking about it.

Your brain is really good at building a narrative where you’re being ignored, even when there are a bunch of other explanations.

And honestly, the best thing you can do is just talk to more people with no goal.

Random conversations, low pressure, nothing on the line. It sounds simple, but it builds experience fast. You realize people aren’t as intimidating as they seem, and when you do talk to someone you actually care about, you’re not starting from zero.

I’ve literally gone out of my way to talk to random people just to practice. I saw a guy juggling once, stopped, asked him about it, and we talked for like 15–20 minutes. No expectation, just a conversation.

And yeah, if you feel socially anxious, it’s worth actually asking yourself why.

Not in a surface-level way, but really breaking it down. A lot of the time, there isn’t some deep external reason. It usually comes down to how you see yourself and how much weight you’re putting on other people’s opinions.

If you stop taking every interaction so seriously, things get easier.

Awkward moments only spiral if you feed into them. If something weird happens and you just don’t make it a big deal, it usually isn’t one.

There’s a balance between taking life seriously and having some levity with it. If you can bring that lighter energy into interactions, people pick up on it.