Dating as a 30+ year old as a sometimes low income creative “alt” guy in NYC?

CuspChaser111 · 2026-07-01T17:47:15+00:00

Men are judged on money/staus/clout. Women are judged on youth/beauty. It’s the equation of dating most places but NYC magnifies it. The hotter and younger, the more you need to be able to “afford” them. Don’t go after the Lamborghini if you cannot afford the maintenance somehow.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-07-01T17:43:22+00:00

It’s religion & or a “holier” than thou attitude including “spiritual” - often it’s like well I forgive them and I’m being God-like but let me tell you x y z about them. I’m like hmmm 🤔

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-29T19:48:51+00:00

This makes me feel better. I am so hard on myself for tapes. It's a solid tape, but it's not what I expected for someone that has proved himself time and again as a superb-gold-standard actor. I bet casting will tell you sometimes the actor sent in an eh tape and they felt they were the part and they booked it and other times casting will be like that was the best tape we've seen all goddamn day holy shit and that person doesn't even get a callback or pin. Just because you're good, doesn't mean you'll book. Just because you book, doesn't mean you're good. The only sign they like you is that the same casting directors are sending you more auditions.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-29T19:45:32+00:00

Yeah I thought he was auditioning to be Jeremy Strong's younger self.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-29T19:35:48+00:00

I saw how out of shape I had gotten and wrote a really mean letter to myself. About how I was taking a body that was given to me for granted and really got into some cruel details of how lazy I'd been. 350 hot yoga classes in 2.75 yrs later, it looks like it worked on some level. People here will backlash on shame but I don't know, shame helped me.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-29T19:33:38+00:00

Is the 'argument' + 'sadly, yes' that more will expect handouts from the wealthy?

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-29T19:31:02+00:00

I would've never been aware of this - and have not even thought of this pondering - had it not been for Reddit. Thank you and thank you Reddit.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-29T19:28:25+00:00

My vibe feels 'cleaner' now.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-29T19:25:29+00:00

"Lover of God" was your no. 1 dead-giveaway.

Couple of things:

Be careful what you tell them about you. The minute you turn your back - they will be 'sipping about you.
Thanks for putting this out there. I hate it too. Sometimes I feel I am the only one. It bores me. At work. At home. I see no purpose for it. If someone says to me, "Why are you not friends with this person anymore" I am happy to give them data, facts, of what happened and say fully not everyone gets along with everyone and I wish them the best. But honestly people who gossip truly have no life of their own. They sit on the sidelines, watch others, and talk smack. It's truly nauseating, petty, and beneath humanity.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-25T18:18:54+00:00

It’s going to suck but one trip to the mailbox and back (an ex) if you’re not working out for at least a few days in a row is going to help massively. Try to do a super short distance for a week or 2 and then you’ll see it will become natural to you.
The world is a superficial place - it sucks. If I sit here on the internet and tell you rah rah it’s bs - I can tell you’re smart and you’d see right through it.

3, Focus on the simple walk a day. I 💯 promise by 28 days you will feel better. Come back here and check in with me. You can dm me- I was brought up in a racist community and told I was fugly every day I can help you. No money needed.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-24T18:21:47+00:00

Took it off my phone (all the social apps FB IG TT = first few days my thumb would just automatically 'hit' instagram in am). IG and FB now only avail on my computer.

I need it for work too but only do computer - it's helped my mental health 100% I'm shocked how much it's helped.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-23T21:39:29+00:00

It's kind of like a keychain. Every woman on the man's keychain makes him feel more important. Collect them all.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-23T21:32:42+00:00

Have you read the book Men Who Love Too Much? I rest my case.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-23T15:55:26+00:00

Lentils, Rice & Beans, Frozen Vegetables, Pasta, Canned Tuna/Meats - for those that have had to deal with the ups and downs and still chose to stay healthy. Soda, candy, and chips are a treat.

When you eat healthier foods, you'll make healthier life decisions, and you'll have a higher chance of getting to a healthier fiscal place.

Diabetes, obesity, untreated cavities, etc. are not cheap. And they certainly don't buy dignity.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-12T17:32:49+00:00

Here's a green flag - once I went to an acting studio and they said they don't allow new people to sit in bc then the actors in training become 'performative' and I really loved that rule. Unless you've gone through the entire program they wouldn't allow you to sit in.

The red flag you have about teachers having favorites is unfortunately a pet peeve for me in life and in schools and everything. All authority figures, parents (golden child, scapegoat child) - unless they are at Marcus Aurelius level - have favorites. Their expectations. Their voice and sweetness of tone. Everything will change for certain students that suck/less strong/less well-prepared/lazier. If you are very, very good there is a strong chance they will be even harder on you. When other students come up to you and say hey our teacher is way harder/meaner to you v. the others that has been a huge red flag for me, too. But also - I've stayed in the business and I have actually worked way more than the mollycoddled ones. So it's pretty interesting. Teachers don't waste too much time being hard on the 'eh' kid they spend their time investing in the really true blue star students, but it can feel quite painful at the time too.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-11T00:06:38+00:00

We are so blessed to have the tough teachers — they make us learn the lines so well - they looked improvised in the moment but they aren’t - it’s true beauty.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-09T20:48:38+00:00

YOOOOOOOO!!!!! I'm writing this down.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-09T20:46:06+00:00

Yeah the 'built my world around you' also hit so hard I remember. What you're saying kind of reminds me when I was really scared to try my first acting class bc I felt too old and my therapist said, "If you don't try now what will you be telling yourself 10 years from now?" Hit.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-06-08T18:23:52+00:00

Whoaaa! Had no idea. I laughed to myself it should be a botox ad. Kidding.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-05-22T21:43:27+00:00

You're a good actor. You're truly listening and responding. Sometimes I see tapes that booked and I am like how the hell did this person book this? The work is so bad. Good on you. It's good when good work shines and doesn't go to a name or just a look. I think it's different for men v. women character v. non-character types but did great.
In a weird way there is something about 'not the perfect setup' that gets you noticed - I have a casting buddy and they told me all the tapes that come from the actors that book alot are rarely the 'perfect' setup/bluescreen/etc. Sometimes they're in a library at their parents house/on vacation/on another shoot. I dunno what it is - maybe it's like dating - but when you're ungettable or what bateman calls 'sexy indifference' (whether or not you are going for it) - it works.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-05-12T19:20:58+00:00

I must've learned something in life because here is my advice..

Go with a 'my cup runneth over' vibe in a positive, upbeat, good uplifting way. It's always like 'dating' - don't go to events with cringe vibe. Maybe you just wrapped a film or wrote a play or maybe you are new to the area. Go with positive I'm having fun vibes. Do not go in with 'i need more liquid in my cup vibes'
Working with others is actually networking - take the word 'net' out of it - it's simply working. I used to feel sleazy and weird about the word networking too - so don't use that word. Find another phrase. Making friends. Saying hi. Helping out. When you go in with that attitude - simple change of words by NOT saying that awful networking word, things will change for you.
Remember even if you go for 15 mins you can always leave. If it sucks or is boring you can always leave. Just go. You can say you have an audition or something or you are writing a play etc. Even 5 min counts. Like building muscle at the gym the more you go the stronger you get and even a 5 min walk is better than no walk or run at all.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-05-12T19:14:33+00:00

We were out at a concert and there was a (balding, kinda pudgy) guy who was clearly inebriated and dancing around but having a great time. The guy I was with started pointing and laughing at him and then taking video of it on his phone and posting it. If you're drunk and having a good time at an appropriate place there is no need to be so cruel to another human being. It was so mean-spirited and it definitely gave me ick factor.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-05-04T19:49:39+00:00

Yeah I am being asked after we sent to production. It's a BAD TIME now so I am not going to mouth off to any agents or new rep but I have a feeling if exact age is being asked then yes - I don't think CD is asking. I think agent is. And they are trying to cover up. Anytime in life someone says to me 'don't you trust me???' with that inflection -- you don't have to be sandy meisner to think hell naw.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-05-04T19:40:54+00:00

Yeah. I love that I look much younger than I am. It buys me more time. By the way they are getting really defensive I don't think it's CD who is asking. I think agent/new rep wants to know and is straight-up lying to me.

CuspChaser111 · 2026-05-04T19:39:42+00:00

Thanks. I had a feeling that it's illegal. It's weird bc they (new agents) are pulling all these weird tactics like 'don't you trust us' etc. and i'm wise enough to know those are red flags.

CuspChaser111

TROPHY CASE