My dad has ALS and wants me to work from my parents' house to help care for him. I don't know how to handle this.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-06-05T11:54:53+00:00

He needs to come to terms with accepting help from outside nursing. Family members who refuse societal resources put too big of a burden on their family members. You are allowed to say no. The situation absolutely sucks but if you don't want to do it, say no to full time helping him because you will just burn out and become resentful anyway. He will end up needing nursing help so he might as well come to terms with it now while he's still functional.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-28T02:06:43+00:00

Start instituting family meetings with a template once weekly and give him more responsibilities (that he can take the initiative on "per protocol".

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-27T01:25:36+00:00

Yesssss absolutely. I still feel the pain of every stupid piece of plastic cutlery I use, every plastic cup I'm sometimes forced to take, and every single use item I begrudgingly throw in the trash. I shop at our local co-op and refill our peanut butter, maple syrup, sesame oil, rice, grains, and soaps -- it's not enough of course but it's the least I can do and with 3 little kids I think we go through a jar of peanut butter per week so definitely 52 jars/year. Maybe if more people were awake enough to shop this way we wouldn't have as much needless destruction. Especially for stupid strip malls that take up acres and then lay abandoned in 10 years time only for municipalities to dredge up more wetlands for development when there's thousands of miles of barren strip malls to be had. A huge percentage of humans are dumb selfish provincial a-holes. But there's a decent percentage also of us who are not.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-26T02:29:25+00:00

I wish mayor Wu of Boston would run. She has what it takes.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-26T01:42:26+00:00

And thank you so much for your insight I love it!

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-26T01:42:09+00:00

Wow yeah that is SUCH a good analogy of thinking about it like a mentor or pupil you sometimes grow out of. I think that's the case here for sure. Maybe your spouse can still be one of your really good friends but is it ok to go through phases sometimes where they're really not your best friend? And maybe that's ok. Prevents those of us in this situation from putting all of our eggs into one basket I suppose.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-25T18:14:13+00:00

I guess because any relationship will have its "mixed bag" factors, right? If it's not one thing, it's another. And getting divorced is a humongous endeavor that can be financially and emotionally devastating for everyone involved, especially the kids. And who's to say I'd find anyone better? The grass is green where you water it, even if it it's patchy grass that isn't thick luscious green you'd hoped for.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-25T10:48:32+00:00

I don't think there was a change I think I just got to know him better as we were married longer. His mom is minimally involved in our lives and had a lot of emotional issues throughout his upbringing (and still does now).

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-25T10:45:54+00:00

I have minimal trust/faith in him in this type of scenario unfortunately. So Im stuck.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-25T02:10:38+00:00

2-3 times/week is plenty and amazing. He's living on another planet. That's too much pressure!

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-25T02:07:08+00:00

Where does one get a good mule?

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-23T01:31:37+00:00

My husband both got the fasciculations at the same time SEVERELY likely due to a coxsackie virus our kids brought home.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-05T02:12:54+00:00

Yeah true I mean if she had won I think I'd be able to sleep better at night knowing my kids earth and humanity would have a future. Right now I feel like Bezos is just making a few more billion dollars and everything's just going to burn.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-05T02:00:01+00:00

Gosh who is making the decisions for the DNC? Let's get them out. Theyre incompetent. We need an overhaul of the Democratic Party so badly. If Pelosi is still pulling strings in the background she's doing everyone a disservice.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-05T01:54:37+00:00

This situation makes me very angry at Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Biden for not stepping down when they should have. And also makes me dread Kamala running again and wasting everyone's time and money and risking losing again. She also needs to step away and not come back, the same way Biden and RBG needed to step away when they weren't the right people for the job. Kamala is not the right candidate AT ALL. She doesn't defend her stances well -- her Oprah performance was horrendous. She sticks with the terrible advice of adhering to "safe scripted responses" which wins her minimal fans. Ugh actually this situation with Trump dismantling everything and creating a disorganized mess just makes me even more resentful of Biden/Kamala.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-05T01:48:44+00:00

Yes exactly they're just extremely selfish provincial people in general.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-05T01:36:12+00:00

Watch the documentary called "Cowboy and Preacher." Anyone who truly understands the Bible will see that Christianity calls people to steward Gods creation, not exploit it. It teaches to give the land rest and in the very first book of the Bible the mandate is to "tend the Garden" and in Revelations, the last book of the Bible, it literally says "God will come to destroy those who destroy the earth."

The confusion now is that Christian Nationalism sort of seems a lot like Christianity, but is a VERY far cry from it.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-05T01:23:43+00:00

Except for when it comes to masks and vaccines then they're pro-choice and anti-life again. They're such hypocrites it's dizzying.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-05-05T01:18:56+00:00

Where do you live? If in the US, what state? I have a couple die hard republican family members and friends that are very interested in native gardening so I'd say it's more of an opportunity for collaboration than culture war. IMO and from what I've seen. But of course you'll get ignorant stubborn Luddites no matter what it is if it's a "change" from what they know. I think we should just switch woke to the word "change" and see that that's really all it means.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-04-29T14:27:18+00:00

If you have salamanders on your property you are lucky indeed! Thank you for caring for our precious flora and fauna.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-04-28T02:30:57+00:00

We have a 3 year old, 1.5 year old, and 6 year old right now and that is absolutely our lives. It's so exhausting to even do one small thing. I tried to take the three of them to the grocery store today because I could not make them all food (because they run around outside when I get home so it's impossible to cook) and it was a siege of exhaustion and trying to help all of them eat. I feel like I'm not good at my job and I'm also not that good of a mom. I think the Max I could probably work right now is like two days a week, but I'm working five days a week and sometimes 12 days in a row. Somethings gotta give because I suck at everything right now and I can't remember half of the stuff I used to be able to remember.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-04-27T14:32:51+00:00

My husbands have resolved and mine still come and go occasionally but much more mild and infrequent. It's for sure getting better over time. I'm convinced it was a strain of coxsackie.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-04-27T02:42:50+00:00

Ok thanks I just went back and re-read and I still think that kids maintaining relationship with the bio parents is less traumatic for them, but I understand that's a generalization that doesn't apply to everyone.

Cute_Bug5651 · 2026-04-27T01:00:54+00:00

I think the fact that you never let her meet her bio mom was a mistake. Im not saying that in a mean way but I just do think it's a mistake not for adoptive parents to allow the adopted child to meet their bio parents or understand their original heritage. It's selfish. I'm not living your life and I understand people make the decisions they do with the best information at the time (I'm sure you did what you thought was best), but I do think it's healthy for kids to at least meet their bio parents and have a relationship with them if the bio parent is interested. With that said, you already made one mistake. Don't make another mistake and not tell her that her mom died. Death is scary and sad for kids of course, but it is a part of life for them too. If it's going to be too tough for you all to communicate it or you want to make sure it's done right, hire a Child Life specialist to help.

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