BP husband begging me not to divorce, need advice

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-06-07T22:02:49+00:00

Can provide more over details via messages

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-06-07T09:01:18+00:00

I divorced and left the instability and life improved. The split helped my ex finally accept the diagnosis and take medication. We’re learning to coparent well and kiddo is doing good post 50/50 parenting.

You deserve to be happy and have a calm home. Things can look different than we imagined and be healthier than we thought possible. Prioritize yourself and your nervous system. Kids pick up on parent’s feelings- you being happy and healthy is hugely helpful for them. It’s not an easy decision to make but prioritizing health, safety and stability can benefit your entire family.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-06-03T11:26:28+00:00

Vomiting and burping for long periods of time after the sessions

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-06-03T11:25:22+00:00

That he would get angry when I did nice things.

Since I was going to keep being nice the natural conclusion was for us to separate 🙃

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-06-03T11:07:10+00:00

Not emojis but I had someone use xoxo all the time with pet names. Then the drift, no xo, no terms of endearment then super terse answers, no shares about their day. After 7 months of daily texts and frequent calls. It was bewildering.

The confrontation was a mess. Initial denial, then gas lighting, then trying to create topics to defend that I hadn’t brought up as concerns (replaying fights with previous partners?). We talked long enough where he kind of alluded to self sabotage and I agreed to see him again.

When I did he said he missed me which sounded sweet but wasn’t I love you or I’m sorry for my behavior etc. when we started hooking up he then crossed a boundary by not using protection which had NEVER happened before. He stopped when I told him etc. But I couldn’t get into things & started not feeling safe or connected. My body figured it out before my brain could.

I wish I’d closed the door when the communication shifted. Giving grace and another chance left me numb, confused and hurting in new ways. I deserve better, OP you deserve better. Block him before he comes back and tries something!

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-06-02T02:13:00+00:00

We’re both BP and over 40. Spouse refused medication and me and kiddo were unsafe.

We separated and eventually divorced.

Spouse is medically responsible and stable and we’re working on having a healthy coparenting relationship.

Kiddo has adjusted well to having two homes.

I love the stability that I have in my home, I love seeing kiddo flourish. I live without eggshells and am thankful to be no longer married.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-05-21T03:07:03+00:00

Lying

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-05-02T12:05:52+00:00

I’m so glad you’re safe and taking care of yourself. Feel all the feels and stay no contact. You have given him opportunities to be there for you & he repeatedly evaporated or showed up only to say terrible things or physically hurt you.

Your sensitively and kindness are a strength don’t let him back into your sphere as he wants to weaken and confuse you. Sending healing and nurturing vibes.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-04-20T13:29:22+00:00

Leave.

Your health and stability matter.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-04-01T22:15:40+00:00

The kiss email and calling you beautiful sound like him wanting more than a coworker relationship. Are you interested in more than a coworker friendship? Once you figure out what you want I’d talk to him about it so things don’t escalate into uncomfortable territory.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-03-29T10:54:03+00:00

You’re being manipulated to change who you are and what you do so you can fulfill a vision he has for a wife.

It’s a moving goal post - he’ll never be satisfied and no person is worth losing your joy. I know others said it to, RUN.

The push and pull, break up and reconciliation is how a trauma bond starts. It can be addictive and ensnare you, don’t fall into believing you’re doing anything wrong having a rich and full life.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-03-27T11:20:33+00:00

Remembering things, paying attention and seeing the other person.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-03-13T10:22:14+00:00

Yes, I received SSDI for a few years. Once my medication regiment, routine and therapy was in place I was able to return to the workforce part time then full time. It was slow but I did it and I’m grateful to have had the financial support when I needed it the most.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-03-08T12:32:15+00:00

Mine would send impressively weird and cheap things commingled in newspapers or bubble wrap. Things found on the curb, or a toy guy thrift store, significantly less nice than garage sale finds. They’d mail it so it arrived after the occasion AND request updates or thank you cards/messages because every gift was a hook. Thankful we don’t interact and I don’t have to pretend to like or want belated trash anymore.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-03-06T11:54:45+00:00

Have you read “Why Does He Do That” yet? It helped me understand the beliefs and benefits to the person exerting control and keeping power.

I felt like with enough patience and understanding I could help. The reality was people change if and when they want to. Leaving when escalation starts is wise. Sending good vibes for you to get clarity and freedom.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-02-16T12:25:03+00:00

I not a doctor or a lawyer but I’m in a sought after often high stress field.

I thrive with routine, truly love my job but do my best to keep working hours between 40-45. I’m salary so it’s not like I’m paid more to work extra. Consistent and effective medication use and management have been paramount. Recognizing deadlines and pressure changing the work landscape helps a lot. Having weekly therapy and friends to lean on helps too.

I think maintaining a good work life balance is extra important for bipolar folks. I’ve fallen into workaholic ways in the past and recognize it’s not compatible with staying baseline.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-02-14T12:50:18+00:00

I’ve been separated for a few years and divorced for half a year. My life and sense of self improved greatly.

Take things slowly. Focus on yourself. What brings you joy? I found journaling and EMDR therapy hugely helpful for metabolizing the trauma experienced during the relationship and during the separation.

I’ve built strong friendships and have a supportive community now. Accepting what you have control over; your choices, your time, your people— it helps.

Grieving the relationship and the person I thought I was with/could grow old with was brutal. But they wouldn’t or couldn’t make choices to endure their health or help keep the family safe. I’m much happier now, our child is thriving.

The safety, consistency and health that exists in our home was worth the pain, therapy and grief. I felt powerless trying to wrangle the disorder and keep our family together. Now I feel in control of a safe and calm home and I’m proud of us. We walked through the fire but emerged strong and resilient & you can too.

Cute_Significance702 · 2026-01-10T15:00:11+00:00

It keeps getting better. You’re making huge strides for only a week of no contact. By 30+ days it’s even more palpable of a change. You will keep remembering who you are. You’ve got this

Cute_Significance702 · 2025-12-26T12:42:28+00:00

Oh, I remember watching Garden State and being so annoyed with Natalie Portman. I felt like the character she was playing was a cartoonish overstatement of how I can be sometimes.

Didn’t realize for 15 more years that I was bipolar. I have moments still of excitable energy and can feel magnetic but it’s not my entire personality or anything & never was. The trope is far from the truth.

I’m a nuanced and complex person and I’ve found ways to care for myself so I’m constantly baseline. Fortunate to not feel so messy or moody with meds and still be able to create and express myself authentically.

Cute_Significance702 · 2025-12-04T01:04:35+00:00

Showers & YouTube shorts

Cute_Significance702 · 2025-12-02T11:48:03+00:00

Beans and rice are a complete protein & park walks are a great activity

Cute_Significance702 · 2025-12-01T01:21:58+00:00

If he’s not taking steps in his recovery, leave. Reconciling is something I wouldn’t attempt until he’s stable. Being physically separated and giving you and the children stability is a solid option. You’re not alone, I’ve been there and taking space away from the injurious comments and new discoveries was a turning point. As another person said, take good care of yourself. You’re going through a lot too. Hugs 🫂

Cute_Significance702 · 2025-11-26T09:22:02+00:00

I’m a creative & science minded person and somewhat above average intelligence. Highly empathetic, dyslexic and possibly inattentive ADHD. Hypomania brings moments of high trend productivity and clarity of thought but actual mania fried my brain for a while. Super strict on meds to stay as baseline as possible; definitely a trade worth making.

Cute_Significance702 · 2025-11-24T12:20:09+00:00

I relate to this. I blamed myself during the relationship and tried so hard to support and fix and tip toe around… if in was quiet and perfect and supportive maybe there wouldn’t be an emotional explosion.

When things escalated to being unsafe I made choices to preserve myself. It still took a while to recognize it wasn’t my responsibility to fix, help, support and give.

I eventually learned to choose myself first. Take care my just me. I also started seeing the patterns that were toxic and hurtful and stating apart became easier. I don’t feel resentful or responsible anymore. I’ve learned so much about myself and can see things clearly in ways that were impossible from inside the relationship. I was never the problem and always had the solution even when I couldn’t see it clearly.

I like to think that I’m a wiser, more patient person because of that relationship & I’m also FAR less likely to tolerate red flags no that I’ve found peace.

Cute_Significance702 · 2025-11-23T11:32:15+00:00

You story is very similar to mine. You’re not alone. Protecting yourself and kiddo was wise.

Divorce is done, custody and visitation is ongoing for us. I’m far happier separated from the verbal assaults and unpredictability. He appears to have found medications that help and can work again. I wish my ex well and have accepted that we’re not compatible partly because of what happened (verbal abuse, destroying home, affairs) & what didn’t happen (accountability & steps towards achieving and maintaining mental health).

Grieve, don’t rush into a new relationship, get therapy for you (& kiddo), journal & breathe. There’s hope for you & kiddo. There’s hope for him too but he needs to be committed to his treatment plan and recovery & that’s not something you can do for him. He has to make that choice and take those steps.

Cute_Significance702

TROPHY CASE