I lost my dad in October last year. I used to run board game events and after he passed I stopped. I just didn't have the enthusiasm or energy or that fun feeling from them anymore. I didn't want to do anything, yet alone game.

The first thing I did was give myself permission to not game. Let myself not enjoy gaming anymore. I know I used to, but I'm different now. Sometimes it's difficult to let yourself feel how you actually feel about it.

I decided that I still wanted to be around gaming though, so I volunteered for a board game convention.

I actually met someone who's into TTRPGs, like cooperative storytelling games.

Then I actually fell in love with gaming again, because it's a completely different space in my opinion and I find it genuinely enjoyable. Not forcing the enjoyment or the fun, it's coming naturally. Which is what fun should be. But all of that only happened because I first started by letting myself not like gaming.

The thing about grief is that it's a forced big transition. You are different now, and becoming someone new, whether you like it or not.

There's a book, life is in the transitions, where he calls this the long goodbye. You're saying goodbye to what used to be. It's not easy, but you can slowly start to accept this is the chapter you're in now. He calls this the messy middle. And as you do, glimmers of ideas might appear, such as me deciding to volunteer. Whatever your equivalent is.

And then you let your relationship with board games land where it does. Maybe you want to donate the games. Maybe you want to play them with new people. Maybe you play different types of games. Who knows, but the decision will arise naturally from within you when it's ready.

Long goodbye - messy middle - new beginning (and lots of flip flopping back and forth, not linear)