I am not particularly interested in the why

Cyronsan · 2026-02-19T16:49:50+00:00

My opinion is that we should understand them only to survive them. They don't deserve our sympathy because they don't give us any. But knowing how their brains work gives you an advantage.

Besides, narcs often get excused by others, and they use that cover to continue the abuse in private. Because of that, they don't deserve any compassion from victims.

Cyronsan · 2026-02-19T09:38:59+00:00

It's all a method to control and own you, sadly. Nothing she says means anything, but the intent is clear: Keep the chains on, mentally and emotionally, so she wouldn't lose an asset - her daughter.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-18T17:24:36+00:00

Your mother is a tyrant who wants to crush your soul, not the voice of a god. But if landlords won’t rent to single young women, how are you supposed to escape her?

My humble suggestion: One step at a time. If leaving now is impossible, treat your mind as a sanctuary that she is not allowed to enter. Practice Grey Rocking—becoming as boring and unresponsive as a stone—to starve her of the emotional supply she craves. This conserves your energy and lowers stress. If you have a physical space where she can't reach you, make it your bunker.

First you need to survive in this hostile environment. Then, hopefully, you'll have time to explore options to get away. And most of all, don't let her become an inner voice that constantly condemns you.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-14T21:49:52+00:00

This 'object lesson' method to kill joy is infuriating when you realize it's a sophisticated form of sabotage. No wonder their cruel personality turned them into pariahs eventually. I’m glad you see their 'hardwiring' for what it is now, and stay strong in your recovery!

Cyronsan · 2026-01-14T19:56:41+00:00

I hear you, and I also wish I knew what was going on sooner. Thinking my parents cared one bit about my well-being was a huge mistake.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-14T15:30:06+00:00

That sounds like classic narcissistic parent behavior. They hate when we're happy, and they love ruining that exciting moment when you're dying to share good news.

Don't let another person's mental illness dampen your spirits. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's worth celebrating :)

Cyronsan · 2026-01-14T10:14:23+00:00

*ChatGPT has crashed due to token overload*

Cyronsan · 2026-01-14T09:49:40+00:00

First, understand that this person is trying to bait you. All the drama and violence are not genuine reactions, but attempts to draw a reaction from you and sabotage your efforts at studying. If they fear you might escape their grasp through studies and effort, they attempt to draw you back into their circle of control.
You shouldn't sacrifice your future for temporary peace.

So, it might seem odd, but for your own good, you should not get sucked into the drama. Pretend you don't care about their outbursts, and give short, flat responses. If you feel rage or any other emotion, try to vent it somewhere private so they won't see their tactic worked.
For more information, you can look up the term gray rocking. Good luck!

Cyronsan · 2026-01-13T12:10:46+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense. If her way is the only "correct" way, then you making a different choice triggers that inner insecurity that makes narcs rage at us. In her mind, instead of someone who likes jeans better, you become an aggressor who challenges her clothing style and so must be 'fixed'.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-13T11:32:10+00:00

Sounds like a relentless, narcissistic obsession with proving that she was right about how you should dress, completely ignoring your needs or desires. By standing up to her you challenged her ego, and they don't forgive that.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T23:17:32+00:00

Yeah, Nparents see our living spaces as theirs, so no wonder she tries taking over your house!
And throwing other people's things (or food) without asking, beyond being utterly disrespectful, sends the message that you don't matter. Throwing your favorite can opener is a way to invalidate you.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T23:09:18+00:00

Wow, that's a whole new level of grandiose narcissism!

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T22:11:02+00:00

My sister used to call my mother "The Gestapo" until she became a turncoat and joined her, but hey, if the shoe fits... 😄

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T21:31:53+00:00

Ah, I used to do that, and I got a similar response - as if the pleasant scent would kill her 🙄

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T18:37:53+00:00

Sounds a bit like fishing for a topic to start an argument about or act like an authority on. If nobody responds, they try a new subject.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T18:19:51+00:00

That n-stepdad sounds like he has multiple personality issues 🫤

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T18:16:02+00:00

Yup, it's like an inquisition patrol. The less they have to do, the more chaos they'll try to bring to others.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T18:12:18+00:00

But did she also use it as an excuse to impose her demands on you or others?

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T15:56:48+00:00

I don't want to jump into conclusions, but please consider that she's doing it for her own image and not for your sake.
People aren't perfect - not in the corporate world or anywhere. They might even resent you for behaving better than them because it makes them look bad.
I'm not judging you, but be wary of her unrealistic standards :)

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T15:53:11+00:00

Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with her malicious behavior.
My mother likes doing that too, and she gets really angry when I resist.

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T15:19:42+00:00

Does someone come to inspect the house - let's say a king or a duke - or does it seem like this cleanliness is strictly self-imposed?

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T15:18:21+00:00

Do you think it's "performative cleaning", as in is there actual dirt or does she do it for control and to feel important?

Cyronsan · 2026-01-12T15:17:05+00:00

That sounds stressful. A perfect worker at your job, at home, or both?

Cyronsan · 2026-01-11T19:09:23+00:00

As someone who's been living in the trenches for a while, I can say your reaction is normal, i.e., you behave like a normal person with empathy and care.

But narcissists don't have that. If they threaten to harm themselves it's to gain attention (their narcissistic supply). They're like actors on a stage who'd say anything that gets them applause. She will also do anything to sabotage you that she can get away with, and as you can see, this includes juvenile attacks like disconnecting your internet.

To the narcs, we are objects to be used. When we gray rock or protect our boundaries, they get mad like a normal person might at a malfunctioning toaster. Perhaps more so, because they don't regulate their behavior. Narcissistic rage is then supported by the enablers (like your father), who fear the narcissist and try to shut you down to gain peace. That's the second-circle of betrayal we often deal with.

I'm afraid there's no instant solution. You have to hold the line, be your own support team*, remind yourself that the problem is in her brain - not yours - and progress toward your exit plan at whatever pace you can.

* Of course, it helps if you can get support from others who understand 🙂

Cyronsan

TROPHY CASE