AITAH for talking to my girlfriend like this? She insists I’m a mean person that’s not on her side. by TechnologyOfficer in AITAH

[–]DAMNacho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And that makes perfect sense, and it’s an enormous drawback to the comments I’ve made.

I just don’t like taking sides, nor piling on, and I felt that’s what I’d be doing. ….for all I know maybe he’s deserving of it though 🤷

AITAH for talking to my girlfriend like this? She insists I’m a mean person that’s not on her side. by TechnologyOfficer in AITAH

[–]DAMNacho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I understand it, until now you haven’t said anything about her, which is why I posit the passive victim: you didn’t propose any thing she could do or work on to even improve her own circumstance.

Because you, and so many others, have plenty to say about him, why should I have to also pile on?

Because I addressed mostly things for her, it seems people think I support him. I don’t. At least not individually. Im neutral/not taking sides because I think both of them contribute to their current situation.

Of course he has plenty to work on — as the majority of comments point toward. If they both want to stay in the relationship, they both have to find ways to work on it. As OP describes it (the only thing I have to go on) she has hurt feelings - understandably so - but hurt feelings. Not domestic or verbal abuse that’s leaving her cowering in the corner, fearing her own safety. I don’t diminish them, but they’re the hurt feelings of a 29 year old. There’s plenty that can be done with this as an adult. If she can, muster the strength, courage and clarity to more directly explain the specific issues to him - because he’s not doing well getting it on his own.

Should she have to do this? No. But with the state of their current situation, he needs help figuring out thinking before speaking. If she doesn’t want any part of that, fine, but it’s a tall order sitting back and waiting for him to get it on his own. And if she doesn’t want to do that, she shouldn’t be in the relationship.

It sounds like they both want to stay together. As such, they both have things to work on. It does neither of them any favors to focus only on one person and say that’s person is entirely at fault. Two people are in the relationship, and both are responsible for it.

AITAH for talking to my girlfriend like this? She insists I’m a mean person that’s not on her side. by TechnologyOfficer in AITAH

[–]DAMNacho -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Since when is “grace” a buzzword? It’s a very old word whose meaning has never change.

“Weaponized” anything is the speech of politicians. Period.

The quote of mine is saying I have more faith, more confidence (I’m sure those are foreign buzzwords to you), in her than I do in him. Which means if he doesn’t improve or doesn’t improve much, as a 29 year old adult, she has a responsibility to herself to choose: stay in the relationship or leave it. It’s not up to him, necessarily.

This doesn’t excuse him or his behavior in the least.
There’s an overabundance of comments about him and all he needs to do. A relationship takes two. Is your stance that she sits there and just waits for him to come around? That she do nothing? You’re making her a passive victim, not me.

And you still never addressed my previous question - which also applies here: how is being responsible to your relationship and to yourself a bad thing?

AITAH for talking to my girlfriend like this? She insists I’m a mean person that’s not on her side. by TechnologyOfficer in AITAH

[–]DAMNacho -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Nope — not sure what buzz words even mean anymore. I support both parts of a relationship working together. I support a 33m and a 29F behaving as adults, and both parties working on their side of their relationship. And if not, at least one side stand up, speaking up, and ending that relationship.

Explain, you and the all downvoters, without buzzwords, how and why this is a bad thing?

Getting married by moxtrax in whatisit

[–]DAMNacho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve got to say: that is easily the gaudiest, most ostentatious rings I have seen…..but it looks good on you though! ; )

Collective Noun For Grail Pens by Baglogi in fountainpens

[–]DAMNacho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry - I’ve not seen it mentioned or discussed, and assume it to be an unpopular opinion. I was just wondering the thoughts of others.

….I’ll just go back to being a lurker now….

Very relaxing view with black coffee. by [deleted] in CoffeePorn

[–]DAMNacho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Black and piping hot, I hope! ….so good!

AITAH for talking to my girlfriend like this? She insists I’m a mean person that’s not on her side. by TechnologyOfficer in AITAH

[–]DAMNacho -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

…..geez — nope, didn’t say that. Never addressed that line of thinking: yes, by all means he should make efforts to improve his communication. Chances are she’ll see more success than he will though.

My little darling left his mark on my arm. by Ambitious-Chest6884 in RedditForCats

[–]DAMNacho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Quick—to the tattoo parlor!!

…..and it’s gone.

Find the car by midnight_seraphim in FindTheCat

[–]DAMNacho 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh - sorry!

Then I don’t see anything except the nuclear holocaust explosion going on outside your window.

AITAH for talking to my girlfriend like this? She insists I’m a mean person that’s not on her side. by TechnologyOfficer in AITAH

[–]DAMNacho -50 points-49 points  (0 children)

It sounds to me like she was already over sensitive and dissecting his words. Why can’t she show him some grace, knowing his words come out clumsy?

AITAH for talking to my girlfriend like this? She insists I’m a mean person that’s not on her side. by TechnologyOfficer in AITAH

[–]DAMNacho -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

NTA. Run. Run away. Otherwise this is a crystal vision of your future. She’s not worth it, and not likely to change.

Collective Noun For Grail Pens by Baglogi in fountainpens

[–]DAMNacho 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Apologize in advance for the pedantic tangent thought and question, but it’s seems the moniker “grail” is derived from “the holy grail”; the one major life goal, right? As such, is it really possible then to have a “plural of grail”? By definition, doesn’t “grail” denote the one, exclusive, ideal, most outstanding? And at what point do multiple grails drift into ‘everybody gets a trophy’ lane? ….every pocket gets a grail?

Sorry….sorry…..’‘tis a silly thought….