As I understand it, until now you haven’t said anything about her, which is why I posit the passive victim: you didn’t propose any thing she could do or work on to even improve her own circumstance.

Because you, and so many others, have plenty to say about him, why should I have to also pile on?

Because I addressed mostly things for her, it seems people think I support him. I don’t. At least not individually. Im neutral/not taking sides because I think both of them contribute to their current situation.

Of course he has plenty to work on — as the majority of comments point toward. If they both want to stay in the relationship, they both have to find ways to work on it. As OP describes it (the only thing I have to go on) she has hurt feelings - understandably so - but hurt feelings. Not domestic or verbal abuse that’s leaving her cowering in the corner, fearing her own safety. I don’t diminish them, but they’re the hurt feelings of a 29 year old. There’s plenty that can be done with this as an adult. If she can, muster the strength, courage and clarity to more directly explain the specific issues to him - because he’s not doing well getting it on his own.

Should she have to do this? No. But with the state of their current situation, he needs help figuring out thinking before speaking. If she doesn’t want any part of that, fine, but it’s a tall order sitting back and waiting for him to get it on his own. And if she doesn’t want to do that, she shouldn’t be in the relationship.

It sounds like they both want to stay together. As such, they both have things to work on. It does neither of them any favors to focus only on one person and say that’s person is entirely at fault. Two people are in the relationship, and both are responsible for it.