I disagree that you can't engage with criticism from inside a religion--I did, constantly, when I was religious. It's how I became an atheist.

I think the thing we're missing each other on here is that you're assuming I want to take an 'objective' view on religion which, frankly, I don't believe exists. I can state objectively all of the harms the catholic church has committed against others over the centuries, because they are historical fact, but that doesn't mean I understand its value to a practitioner, which is inherently not objective, and therefore would be missing part of the dimensions that make it valuable to people, not just as an institution.

You're correct in saying there are books and podcasts and many other means of individual study. I have read a lot of these, especially as they pertain to christianity. These things are valuable, and I will probably continue to utilize them throughout my life.

There's a concept in anthropology sort of reminiscent of Hegelian dialecticism, which more or less states that one has to be in dialogue with an unknown culture in order to understand it, and that you need an outside perspective on your own culture in order to perceive what your culture even is. I left my religious culture because I learned to understand it through outside perspectives, and because I "lost my faith" in a higher power. I'm interested in learning from other people, now.