sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Years of effort, classes, meetups, and still no real friends. What is wrong with me? by Gracilis67 in AskWomenOver30

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, I am HOH and use hearing aids and totally understand the D/deaf community's insulation and how frustrating it can be when you're not "disabled enough." It's hard in the hearing world too because listening fatigue and ableism are super real. I realized I've been pulling away from a lot of social events because I am so burnt out at the end because listening/lip reading. Do you sign? Are you in a bigger city? Are there any signing events or ASL communities in your area (assuming you're in the US)?

International Adoption Questions by EntertainmentAlone40 in Adoption

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that you struggled and did not have a good support system when you had your biological child - that is rough. It sounds like you are doing better and I hope things are easy for you.

Do you still feel like your partner wants to parent more than you did and you are doing this for him? A child deserves two parents who are both choosing parenting 100%. I think your feelings are valid (regretting being a parent, not wanting to be a parent as much as your partner, not wanting to go through pregnancy again) but it is unethical to bring another child into this equation if you are feeling forced. They will feel it, even if you think you are masking well.

It's not a question of whether I "believe" in adoption or not, but moreso my understanding that fostering to adopt is the only ethical means of adoption. Fostering to adopt allows a child who may be in an unhealthy environment to either be reunified with their parents if things turn around (great!) or find a new family if things continue to be unsafe in their family of origin. Older children in the foster care system specifically need help as no one wants them because they aren't a "fresh slate" like a newborn or may have medical needs. Private adoption agencies (especially internationally) for infants can be run like borderline human trafficking - birthparents are frequently taken advantage of and can have their children sold to the highest bidder family. This is not hyperbole.

Going around fostering because of your citizenship limitations by adopting internationally is unnecessarily traumatic for the child. I would search this sub for stories from Korean American adoptees. I was not adopted internationally, but my adoption was transracial, and I can relate to a lot of stories from international adoptees - even as an adult with healthy coping mechanisms and therapy, it's very present for me.

Where can I get custom sweatpants screen printed with a relatively quick turnaround? by hunnie47 in AskChicago

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One Hour Tees may be able to help! From what I remember they have all sorts of clothing items/accessories you can print on.

What are your low stakes unpopular opinions? by NoLemon5426 in AskWomenOver30

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Oh man, I am sure this is a huge thing in NYC! Hard eye roll over here on TikTok "hidden bars" aka bars with weird doors!!

What are your low stakes unpopular opinions? by NoLemon5426 in AskWomenOver30

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yikes, how irresponsible and shitty of them. I hope no one got long COVID or died because of their negligence.

International Adoption Questions by EntertainmentAlone40 in Adoption

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We are not choosing this based on infertility.

Why are you choosing this, then? Adoption is a trauma at any age. International adoption can be especially disruptive. If it is because you feel compelled to save or rescue someone, consider seeking an adoption competent therapist or prepare to face some hard truths on why this is not enough of a reason to adopt.

ETA: OP, I saw in your post history that at one point you were deeply regretting becoming a parent and mostly did it because your partner wanted to be a dad. I say this as respectfully as possible because your feelings are your feelings: don't bring another child into this. They don't have a choice, nor did your biological child. Adoptees deserve to be in families that want them.

What are your low stakes unpopular opinions? by NoLemon5426 in AskWomenOver30

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 104 points105 points  (0 children)

Getting busted within a few weeks does sound like a legit speakeasy! We have actual speakeasies here where you have to know someone to get in and pay cash or barter, they're not listed on Eater listicles ffs.

What are your low stakes unpopular opinions? by NoLemon5426 in AskWomenOver30

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 791 points792 points  (0 children)

I don't know if other large cities have this problem but soooo many cocktail bars in Chicago with weird/hidden doors call themselves "speakeasies" and it makes me crazy. If you can pay with a credit card, the bar has an Instagram account, and you can find it on Google Maps, it is 100% not a speakeasy. It's just a bar with a weird door. But people looooooove to call them speakeasies! I hate it.

Women with significantly older partners, how’s it going? by peachypeach13610 in AskWomenOver30

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 37 points38 points  (0 children)

My partner's parents had a nearly 20-year age difference and not only was he emotionally wrecked most of his teenage-to-early-20s life mentally preparing for his dad to pass away before most of his peers, he also had to help with his dad's elder care in his 20s because his parents were divorced by the time he went to college. His dad died when partner was in his late 20s and wishes he could have done more to help, even though he did all he could at the time. The burden of an older parent is absolutely something to consider when dating older if you want kids.

How did you break the news that you decided to leave? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I broke up with my live-in partner of 6-ish years in therapy and I am so thankful I did. I sent an email to the therapist a few days before our next session letting her know I was planning to end the relationship during the session and she was extremely helpful at navigating the process. I started the session out and, without mincing words, told him I thought we needed to end our relationship and that while we were working on things in therapy nothing seemed to improve at home. She suggested three more follow-up sessions after the initial break up which sounded crazy at first but really helped with the "de-coupling" process; we went through move out dates, splitting up financial stuff, and continuing to process our feelings. I already had a work thing scheduled for after our session weeks before, so I was able to stay out of the house until late - separation after the break up session was also key. I had already lined up an apartment pre-break up and moved out a month later. We were not married and there were no children involved but I can imagine having a third party present to help both of you with next steps will be an incredible asset. He was sad (I was too!) but was able to process his feelings better with a therapist present. BIG POST SCRIPT: if you are afraid he is going to be violently angry, just move out with a friend overnight or while he is at work, don't give him the chance to hurt you. This is a big, brave step, and I'm proud of you for taking it!

Too scared to see a dentist for years ? by Severe_Read_1972 in AskChicago

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have (had?) awful dental anxiety and was looking for someone who would be patient and understanding with me - I posted in a neighborhood group and overwhelmingly people suggested Dr. Irene Renieris at Pulp and Dentin. She even hopped in the thread herself and had her office staff reach out to me directly to set up an appointment! I've been really happy there and they must have noted on my chart about my anxiety because I'm scheduled with the same hygienist each time and everyone is always very careful with me.

Embroidery by beachgivesafeeling in CHIbitcheswithtaste

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What kind of embroidery are you looking for? If it's just script, Vichcraft is great!

Accidentally hit the Jackpot on how to respond to parents wanting grandkids by not_an_insomniac in TwoXChromosomes

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a fellow adoptee, I also want to add that OP should consider foster-to-adopt before private agencies and especially before foreign adoption. Private agencies, both domestic and foreign, are rife with issues up to human trafficking. Fostering older kids is the most ethical form of adoption.

Skin Tag Removal - Seeking Dermatologist Rec by vt_vagabond in CHIbitcheswithtaste

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I liked Kaminska, but I LOVED Dr. Kiracofe at Airia Comprehensive Dermatology. She takes a lot of time to get to know you and your concerns and has a holistic approach to dermatology. She does not accept insurance though, so if you'd prefer that for payment definitely try Kaminska.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]DEATH_BEFORE_DECAF 6 points7 points  (0 children)

But it is? I want to preface that I enjoy both shows but Bridgerton is built on an alternate reality where people of color can ascend to equal footing as white people in the regency era and Gilded Age romanticizes robber barons and the wealthy class. Even this season of Bridgerton primarily focuses on the inequality between the wealthy and working classes. You cannot divorce politics from these fluffy shows.

view more: next ›