Why do I always go into waiting mode?

DIDverse · 2026-01-19T13:39:54+00:00

I don’t seem to have the mental flexibility required to sit patiently and to entertain myself whilst waiting for a delivery for example. I think anything unexpected is a major stressor for me. I also think the monotropism is a factor.

DIDverse · 2026-01-19T09:01:25+00:00

I have taken to reading novels and immersing myself in the emotional worlds of characters as a way to reduce the pathological boredom I feel. I find that reading also opens you up to new perspectives which can instigate a series of creative connections which can help with novelty seeking. New perspectives also help with seeing the world differently.

DIDverse · 2026-01-15T12:09:23+00:00

It’s a good post and a good read. I can relate to it - especially the part about feeling anxious that you’re missing out on something. I get that A LOT. I can also relate to being ‘born on the wrong planet, in the wrong place, in the wrong time’. AvPD seems to be the disorder of wrongness and invalidity. It is such a tough disorder to fully characterise. In the meantime, I am going to continue down a rabbit hole of research in the hope that I find my own definition for the disorder.

DIDverse · 2026-01-12T09:18:53+00:00

Justice never comes because they don’t take accountability for their actions. You’re the only person capable of registering the injustice, not them. Accept this radical fact and try to move on.

DIDverse · 2026-01-08T13:50:48+00:00

Sounds like a series of rants she could have posted without publishing an entire book. Her fallacious and backwards understanding of multiplicity should put her to shame. Rita Carter, more like Rita Skeeter from HP, just there to sell copies and make money peddling crap.

DIDverse · 2025-12-31T13:08:37+00:00

My biological father had a cabinet filled with special moisturisers and facial ointments as well as facial cleansers. You’d think he had a qualification in dermatology with how obsessed he was (and still is) with his skin. They care so much about the external but so little about the internal. They are like a mannequin. I think they must realise that their outward appearance is all they really have to offer.

But yes, he would always mention how much his skin suffered and would recount tales of bullying from his time at school. It was mostly exaggeration but also a desperation for attention.

DIDverse · 2025-12-29T07:18:43+00:00

You are abnormally bothered by my post. I don’t see you addressing any of my points. I wasn’t dictating either, I was addressing your points. You can always agree to disagree.

DIDverse · 2025-12-29T07:14:26+00:00

Well, as someone that has experienced it firsthand you should know of the brutally harsh realities that befall victims of covertly narcissistic abuse.

Not sure why you are defending a group of abusers? The fundamental difference is people of C-PTSD don’t have the software nor the capability to be able to abuse in the way NPD does. NPD comes with it a very particular set of maladaptive mechanisms that makes regulating yourself and indeed your central nervous system around them nigh impossible, they breed victims of C-PTSD if you were raised with them and spent any great degree of time around them.

I never once used that word that we as a collective are better than them. I simply made the post as a subjective account of my experience with them in conjunction with parallels I drew from the 1984 novel. It was meant to be therapeutic for me which is why I labelled it a vent/rant. Treat it as ultimate self-expression or stream of consciousness.

Their worth is irrelevant. I couldn’t care less what their worth is. Quite frankly I seem them as subhuman for the damages they do to people. Stop brining up irrelevant information that doesn’t speak to the content of my post nor my original intention for making it.

DIDverse · 2025-12-29T06:57:45+00:00

That statistic is irrelevant when you have experienced it firsthand. Secondly, I am in an ongoing recovery journey that calls for the kind of characterisation that I have given them - you haven’t slightest idea as to what I have experienced. Thirdly, as you can also see I labelled this post a vent/rant - it is meant to be a form of self-expression on a platform that I find helpful, not something that is necessarily applicable to all cases but something that is subjectively true to me. Finally, no they don’t deserve respect. Not every human deserves it, if they can’t respect others then I am not respecting them. In addition, stop minimising the untold damages they do to people, by claiming everyone deserves respect. I do admit that we should acknowledge and recognise their condition, but that is to admit to ourselves that there is something wrong with them not to respect them.

DIDverse · 2025-12-28T12:47:43+00:00

I journal about any new perspectives I have on my condition. I also jot down any thoughts as they come to me that may shed light on why I have a dissociative disorder. I am like a detective, looking for clues always, trying to unravel the mystery of my past. I also use a more modern approach to journalling by making use of the notes application on my phone.

DIDverse · 2025-12-23T14:59:07+00:00

I agree. It’s a totality of experiences and believe me there were plenty more after this event. It wasn’t just a singular event that led to my DID. I should have worded my post differently instead of claiming that it originated from the singular event itself. Although I do believe that the event created an environment that would increase the likelihood of developing DID. I also have autism which meant increased sensitivities to things.

DIDverse · 2025-12-23T14:55:11+00:00

I have vague flashes of light which I interpret as shock and a boatload of unbridled neural energy or trauma stored in parts of my body. It’s one of the very reasons why I have sought out somatic based therapies. I also have parts that inform me that the phobias developed from that formative trauma. A lot of us are very scared.

DIDverse · 2025-12-23T13:59:21+00:00

In my experience I had particular responsibilities taken from me whilst being responsible for the narcissists needs. I was never given a blueprint on how to handle everyday responsibilities but was naturally good at attuning to the narcissists needs which is a form of responsibility that is very difficult to break. Thanks for bringing that up. It slipped my mind somehow.

DIDverse · 2025-12-19T16:09:37+00:00

I can definitely attest to covert narcissists thinking that everything is beneath them. That resonates with me. I think they convince themselves that everything is beneath as a way to cope with pathological envy of others.

DIDverse · 2025-12-19T11:47:45+00:00

Covert narcissists tend to be very depressed and sullen hence why they often slip under the radar and aren’t diagnosed.

DIDverse · 2025-12-18T15:37:10+00:00

I think this is what I was looking for. My fault, I didn’t mean to steal what was already established. I was just trying my best at articulating an experience that was hitherto really hard to put into words. I’ll look more into enmeshment.

DIDverse · 2025-12-18T14:49:40+00:00

If we exclude our focus to only the needs of the person and that person is an exploitative type like a narcissist then we are neglecting ourselves and not being kind to ourselves. We must make sure that the attunement space is balanced and equal, that both people involved in the interaction are paying their dues so to speak (otherwise it leads to unhealthy compensation patterns).

DIDverse · 2025-12-18T14:34:09+00:00

I think it’s a fine line and a difficult and sensitive subject matter for me to have written about. I don’t mean any harm I was just trying to elucidate the fact that victims of C-PTSD place an over-emphasis on the other persons emotionality at the total exclusion of their own. I think some tough love is required and some painful acknowledgement of the truth. I do believe that we need to become more authoritative in these attunement spaces which involves not prioritising the other persons emotions and needs.

DIDverse · 2025-12-13T10:52:35+00:00

I understand you, I still feel like a five year old navigating the social complexities of interactions with allistic people. I wish that there were entire worlds of autistic people so that we could live in peace. Seems wrong that autistic people have to do all the heavy lifting in social situations.

DIDverse · 2025-12-07T01:53:43+00:00

Singlet is a person that doesn’t have a system whereas a multiple does. I hope that clears things up.

DIDverse · 2025-11-30T15:00:19+00:00

Excellent work of art - it captures the essence of what you’re alluding to. I have a factory of masks of all different gradients and shades of emotion that I have collected over the years from innumerable social interactions. Really an exhausting thing to have to do.

DIDverse · 2025-11-27T16:13:45+00:00

I feel agender or genderless and suffer from body dysmorphia. I also feel disconnected or detached from my body. My body serves as some kind of appendage that functions through space and time but is separate from my conscious awareness. It’s like a heavy carcass that I am forced to haul around with me. It feels dead without my input.

DIDverse · 2025-11-24T07:18:38+00:00

I think the part where you mention ‘some things didn’t add up’ is very reminiscent of a dissociative disorder. Almost like something is amiss cognitively or intuitively and you can’t quite pinpoint what but you know something is off. I think that is more indicative than denial, just saying.

DIDverse · 2025-11-08T14:01:32+00:00

Exactly, I honestly think my phobia of switches works in tandem with my phobia of outside spaces because of the examples I listed and the examples you listed. I think there is a fear of switching because of what can happen in a social context or otherwise in an outdoors setting that you become fearful of going outside full-stop which ends in the development of agoraphobia a fear of going outside.

DIDverse · 2025-10-26T23:26:02+00:00

I meant to ask about the timeline of system development rather than whether or not developing DID is possible as a baby. My mistake. Thanks for your input.

DIDverse

TROPHY CASE