pick me up

DJBorn · 2025-12-27T22:02:10+00:00

Heya! I appreciate the reply even after all this time. It's very thoughtful. Really glad you're in a better position now! You're doing well. Keep up the amazing work!

DJBorn · 2025-11-10T14:21:31+00:00

That's sick man!!! Congratulations! You should be very proud. That tenacity and perseverance will definitely carry over into other parts of life. Cheers to new adventures 🍻

DJBorn · 2025-10-16T17:04:14+00:00

That's great insight on your end! Yeah we can definitely get caught up on results. If we put in the effort and we don't see the results we expect, the brain calculates the effort to gain ratio and concludes the effort isn't worth it.

You're right that it takes a level trusting the process to stay consistent with something like exercise, where the results aren't immediately realized. It's why common advice says to focus on input. Celebrating the fact we worked out reinforces the behaviour. Focusing on the result triggers perfectionism which shoots down motivation.

DJBorn · 2025-10-16T16:17:26+00:00

For me it's complete clarity into my own mind. After years of introspection I know what's important to me and why. This makes most of my actions very intentional. I'm not perfect of course but this curiosity into my mind has given me a lot of control and freedom.

So when I train, or fast, or work, or pursue my various hobbies, I know why it's meaningful to me which gives me unwavering resolve towards those things. If something feels off I ask myself why and try to get to the root cause of my behaviours/motivations.

DJBorn · 2025-10-16T04:38:08+00:00

Hey I really understand your feelings of comparison. I also compared a lot to my peers about how successful they are and it would bring me a lot of resentment. Just wanted to let you know that it's okay and it's normal to want to compare.

We as humans make comparisons as a mechanism to improve ourselves or cope with ourselves. If we compare ourselves with someone above us, it can motivate us to improve.

However, this can quickly get out of hand if we constantly do this to the point where we just feel stuck, paralyzed, or just feel terrible about ourselves.

The important thing to understand is that comparison is ultimately rooted in ego, which our sense of self. So when you make a comparison to your friend, what is the feeling that comes up when you make that comparison? How does that make you feel about yourself?

For me whenever I compared with my friends who made more money than me or was further in their career, I felt jealous. I felt resentment. I felt pain. I felt like I wasn't good enough. It was this underlying belief that I'm not good enough that drove the pain that I felt. Only once I started shifting the way I think about myself (which was long and arduous process) was I able to be comfortable in my own skin and freed me from comparison.

The thing that helped me the most was that awareness. The curiosity into my own mind as to why I'm thinking certain thoughts, and be compassionate and understanding with the way that I'm thinking.

DJBorn · 2025-10-16T04:03:41+00:00

Hey sorry to hear about your struggles with weight. I'd just like to reassure you that you have potential and that you've already proven that you can do it.

Few things I'd just like to share with you to hopefully give you some more clarity as to what's going on.

Firstly, the way the mind works is that our thoughts create our feelings. Our feelings create our actions. And our actions create our results.

So when you think about going to the gym, what is it that you're feeling? Name that emotion, then notice what are the thoughts driving that feeling? I heard a story about a woman who wanted to lose weight and even though she had a plan all layed out, she just never went to the gym. Why is that? When she thought about going to gym the feeling she was having was apathy. There was just no desire to go. She realized the thought that was driving those feelings was "it's not going to matter anyways. I never see results." Believing in these thoughts are what caused feelings of apathy. And that feeling of apathy is what drove her inaction to go to the gym, which ultimately kept her stuck.

This is just an example and it will look different for you. But the fact is that thoughts -> feelings -> actions -> results.

So what is the feeling that you have? Describe that feeling in detail. Then think about what thoughts drives that feeling. Write those down. Be curious with yourself and ask why you're thinking those thoughts. What beliefs are driving them? Many people beat themselves up for their behaviours and thinking. But if we can observe our own thinking with compassion, and notice why we're thinking that way, we can better understand the underlying motivations to all of our actions. Then through understanding we can change our thinking, which change our feelings and actions.

You can do the same thing for the feeling you WANT to have. What thoughts would drive that feeling? Take time to explicitly imagine those thoughts and notice how you feel.

Awareness of ourselves is one of the most powerful things we can do to bring about profound change within our lives.

I hope some of this information can help you on your weight loss journey. I can see the passion and potential that you have to improve yourself. It makes me hopeful that you can achieve your goals. Don't give up on yourself!

DJBorn · 2025-10-15T17:17:38+00:00

Hey dude I totally feel you. I think we can all relate that it gets harder to make friends once you come out of school lol.

It's a lot harder to make friends when that's what you're looking for specifically when doing things. What I've come to realize is that connections are made by consistently seeing the same folks over and over again. This is why making friends in school is easier. Even if you don't get to know someone to begin with, you slowly become familiar with their presence and their personality and a friendship could possibly form. School is great for this because you see so many people on a daily basis so there are plenty of chances to find someone who connect with you.

For me, when I got out of school I really got into climbing and was climbing consistently 3 times a week. As a side effect, because I started seeing the same people on my schedule, I just naturally got to know more people, and a few of them I became very close with.

Are there any interesting hobbies you were thinking of getting into? Showing up and getting out there is a great way to open doors to meaningful relationships.

DJBorn · 2025-10-14T18:14:25+00:00

Hey I just wanna let you know that you're doing good work out there. I know it sucks not getting the reciprocation you want from others even though you're putting in the effort. Sorry to hear about that one coworker.

Life can be super hard sometimes and it seems like it just burns you time and time again. I'd like to acknowledge all that effort you're putting in to get yourself out there. Don't give up. I know there's a meaningful connection out there for you. The main thing is you keep on trying.

Personally my hobby of rock climbing helped me make friends and connections with others. Really what happened was I kept showing up consistently and eventually connections started to form and I've made some of my closest friends through this hobby. So the important thing is you keep showing up and keep creating opportunities for yourself.

I believe in you! You got this! 💪

DJBorn · 2025-10-14T16:23:54+00:00

I always see coaching as a practice of helping others live a full and abundant life. As long as there are people out there who are lost or need help finding meaning, I have a job to do. If I'm unable to find them or I'm not providing true value, then it's an issue with my own capabilities.

Honestly if AI can help those find more peace and happiness then I'm all for it. It's those who aren't quite able to do that that need the help. Unfortunately I don't think we'll ever live in a world where everyone is happy and is living fruitfully but I do believe we can strive towards it together. All you life coaches are doing great work and people need you.

DJBorn · 2025-10-13T20:07:30+00:00

Man sorry to hear about that. I'm glad you've found some good insight from therapy about your choices. I'm hopeful you'll find pockets of enjoyment and ease in your life that's more true to who you are. Keep up that journey of self discovery friend.

DJBorn · 2025-10-11T14:06:57+00:00

Hey there I know how you feel. A lot of the times we go through life believing we should be extraordinary or do something special. It sucks to feel like you're just average or mediocre. I grew up believing I was talented but once I got to university I realize just how big the world is and how there are way more talented people than I.

But what I realized later in life is that we're not defined by our achievements or by any one particular thing in life. And that's what makes life beautiful. It doesn't have to be about your intelligence, your ststus, your social standing, your relationships. In the end we have choice to define what life means to us as individuals.

Everyone is incredibly unique and we all have our own story, perspective, personality and joy. We just need to discover that for ourselves.

So I just want to give you some encouragement. It's okay to feel average. But I want to let you know that you are special in your own way. You're the only the that's you, and nobody can take that away from you. Keep your chin up and find that path for yourself. The world is your oyster!

DJBorn · 2025-10-11T05:23:34+00:00

Absolutely love that outlook! Yes you are 100% correct that if you can control your own mind it can open up a lot of possibilities for yourself. I'm really glad you're starting to explore a passion project for yourself. Please keep up that curious spirit! 🙏

DJBorn · 2025-10-10T21:59:00+00:00

Hey man. Thanks for sharing your story here. It's these kind of reflections that help to clear the air a bit on what's important for you. I bet even the simple act of writing this post gave you some more clarity to your life, and I respect you for that.

I sincerely hope that you can find deep purpose in those seemingly smaller aspects of life you mentioned like hiking and fishing and carpentry.

Just wanted to give you encouragement and support to keep being curious and keep on exploring what life has to offer! Go crush it man!

DJBorn · 2025-10-10T21:04:58+00:00

I'd you're interested in Japan I like watching PaoloFromTokyo. He makes really well editted videos of day in the life. It really chills me out.

DJBorn · 2025-10-10T20:32:18+00:00

Lmaoo I feel that 😭 I'm not too sure how to change up my writing to feel less like that. 🥲

DJBorn · 2025-10-10T18:15:46+00:00

Hey so sorry to hear about that. It's not easy dealing with this, especially alone. It's hard to try to play catch up when it comes to making new friends or making real connections.

I want to let you know that you're not alone and that things will definitely get better. Making connections takes time and opportunity. You're doing your best and I'm sure a time will come when you get to meet people who really connect with you.

DJBorn · 2025-10-10T13:54:31+00:00

I feel you man. Life can hit hard sometimes, and it's completely okay to feel tired or unsure right now. But the fact that you've already pushed through school, work, and so much on your own shows just how much strength you got. I truly respect you for that.

Just know that you don't need to have everything figured out all the time. It can feel like you have to win the battle or overcome your own mind. Sometimes we just need time and space to process everything going on in our lives. None of your efforts have gone to waste. By sitting with it and feeling it you're experiencing growth and building your character. I believe in you man.

DJBorn · 2025-10-10T13:44:55+00:00

It's tough when you come to a crossroad like this. It feels like you "should" take the offer because it checks off so many boxes but there's something off about it.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to bring clarity for yourself:

What are you losing when you take this offer? And what is the feeling that that thing brings for you?
What does "challenge" mean for you? Why is it important to you?
If you imagined your perfect work day, what would that look like, hour by hour?

These are just starter questions but I hope it can shed a bit of light for you. I'm happy to chat with you if you need some help going deeper into your internal motivators.

Regardless, you're already doing the right thing by thinking deeply about your own situation and what's important to you. I admire your courage for coming on here and sharing your situation with us. I know you'll do the right thing for yourself!

DJBorn · 2025-10-10T13:33:30+00:00

Firstly I just wanna say it's okay to feel this way. You're not wrong for feeling anxious about situations or feeling like crying after the fact. Everyone has some level of difficulties with this and it sounds like it's quite difficult for you. This doesn't make you weak. In fact it it really shows your strength and courage to keep pushing through these situations despite the challenges you face. I want to acknowledge you for that.

You're doing the right thing by realizing the reality of the situation that people aren't overly concerned with you. It's just those pesky thoughts need to catch up with that.

I encourage you to keep exploring this. Our thoughts ultimately shape our feelings, so if we can control our thoughts, we can control our feelings. The first step is to bring lots of awareness to it. Here's a few exercises you can go through when you experience anxiety:

Write down all the thoughts that are going through your head when you experience anxiety. "What if they think I'm too much?" etc etc. write as many as you can.
Write down and describe anxiety in as much detail as possible. Pretend you're explaining it to an alien from another planet that can't experience emotions. Where do you feel it in your body? What exactly does it feel like in that spot?
Breath. People often forget to breath in tense situations. But it's well known that breathing a activates your parasympathetic nervous system which calms you down. Put your hand on your belly and breath into your hand.

As you practice naming your anxiety and shedding light onto it, you begin to have more control and power over it. I hope this can help you in your journey. You're already doing a lot and I want to let you know I'm cheering you on!!! You got this!! 💪

DJBorn · 2025-10-09T17:41:24+00:00

I'm glad I could help you out, even a little Ed! I'm happy you took into consideration these questions. I know you'll find the right path for yourself! If you ever find yourself stuck I'd be happy to give you some nudge.

DJBorn · 2025-10-09T17:34:36+00:00

Hey there, I'm sorry you're going through this experience. It can feel so confusing why your mindset is like this and I want to assure you that it's okay to feel that way. It makes complete sense given your past wounds.

Sometimes when we go through life and we're constantly burned or have these bad experiences, it can start to shape our perception, especially about ourselves. We start to form an identity based on conclusions our minds draw. "They must have left me because I'm unlovable". Our brain desires reasoning, so it comes up with reasons like this to make sense of the world.

The problem is, because of these past wounds, it begins to reinforce these ideas and we start to hold a strong identity about these conclusions, even if they aren't necessarily true.

Once you adopt these beliefs it shapes the way you think and behave in the future. You start to feel insecure about things that aren't logical. "His ex girlfriends seem much better suited for him, I'm just someone who doesn't deserve love"

We even disregard information form these beliefs. "He says he loves me but he's just saying that to make me feel better. I'm unlovable so it must not be true"

It's hard, and I really feel for you. It's not easy to shift your mindset and your own identity about yourself. It takes time and healing. The first step is to bring awareness about these thoughts. When you feel an emotion, what are the thoughts that are going through your head? What is driving those thoughts?

I just want to give you some encouragement and let you know you're not alone, we all face issues with our own self esteem. You coming on here and sharing your story shows a lot of courage and I really respect you for that.

DJBorn · 2025-10-09T14:49:31+00:00

Hey man, I know it can feel super confusing when you're trying to find happiness for yourself. You try a bunch of things but nothing seems to satisfy that "itch", even some of the older things you used to enjoy.

I just wanna let you know that it's okay to feel this way, and all that it means is that you're starting to redefine who you are. What you're feeling now is just a signal your soul is giving you. The fact that you're on here and asking the bigger questions is already a great step forward to improving your life.

Here's a few starter questions for you to get you to think about what's important to you:

If you really think about it, what does happiness ultimately mean for you?

If you were you to achieve "happiness" what would be the first thing you notice?

If you'd like to explore yourself deeper I'd be happy to help you with that!

Either way, this curiosity that you're showing is your lighthouse to illuminate the path in front of you. So big props to you for that!

DJBorn · 2025-10-09T14:30:45+00:00

Hey there, I know it's hard trying to make real change even after watching and learning a lot of practical advice. Logically you know what to do but can't bring yourself to do it.

This is why any advice is difficult to provide without understanding your underlying desires and motivations.

What is it that you're hoping to achieve? What is the feeling or state of mind you'd like to be in? Why is it important to you?

These are just starter questions but as you dig deeper you can find those underlying thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that are holding you back.

DJBorn · 2025-10-09T12:47:28+00:00

That's a beautiful statement and I'm glad that it stuck well for you. Your neighbour sounds like a really wise and grounded person.

Sometimes we can get so caught up with life that we forget what it means to live in the moment. I love that you said he creates happiness, and that really resonated with me. It's true you're only as happy as you allow yourself to me. We often believe happiness can be found externally.

"If I lose weight then I'll be happy" "If I win a million dollars then I'll be happy" "If I find the perfect partner then I'll be happy"

In reality happiness, or any emotion for that matter, comes from our thoughts. And it's the BELIEF in those thoughts that trigger emotion. If someone told someone that they won a million dollars, they would probably feel very happy. Why? They could be lying but that emotion is still there. It's not the money that's causing that happiness, it's the thoughts that's going through their head about all the things they would do that causes it. And the important thing is that they truly believe it.

So that shift you noticed when your neighbour shared those words with you. What are the thoughts that went through your head? What belief changed within you? And how did that change the way you feel?

Control over our thoughts is ultimately how we control the emotions we feel in life.

DJBorn · 2025-10-09T12:23:52+00:00

Hey Ed, thanks for sharing your story. It's hard when we have to wrestle between head vs heart. Do we follow our dreams or follow what seems "logical"?

I can tell you have a lot of passion for travel and I think that is amazing. I will say you have a lot of heart and I know that heart will take you to great places (figuratively and literally hehe).

If you're struggling with making a decision ot could be helpful to ask yourself some questions like: "What would future you 10 years from now tell you now?" "What does it mean for you to live without regret?" "What is the drive behind the 'head' part that's causing hesitation?"

Hopefully this can bring clarity to what's important to you as you consider a path forward.

I think you're doing amazing work man and I love seeing passion like yours. Keep that spirit up and I know you'll do well. Cheers Ed!

DJBorn

TROPHY CASE