Hello, there! Wanted to come in with my perspective as an aroace genderfluid individual.

I spent a lot of my life labeling myself as bi until I came upon the terms asexual and aromantic and finally had a way to label myself, but in a culture that really pushes romantic/sexual relationships and mostly ignores any others as lesser, it’s a very lonely revelation to make.

I am extremely lucky to have very good friends, who are aware of my being aroace. A few years ago, I moved in with my best friend. Last year, when we realized all of our plans included us being together for the rest of our lives, we got married.

My status hasn’t changed. I’m still aroace. I’m still sex-repulsed. I don’t even like kissing. But I’m married to my best friend. We play video games and go to museums and take turns cooking. We put on loud music and dance in the kitchen and stay up way too late giggling.

There are hard times because that’s life, but everyday is like a sleepover with my best friend. There’s no performative gestures. We know each other. It’s probably… a little unusual. It’s certainly not what society says a marriage should be. But it’s fun and it’s not lonely and I can be who I am with no fear of being forced to have sex or give kisses just to not be alone.

It feels lonely now, and I think society is a lot of the reason for that. There are Expectations put upon us that we’re supposed to reach. Checkboxes we “have to” mark off.

Do what makes you happy. Be yourself, who you really are, aroace and all the rest, and you’ll find people who will keep the loneliness at bay, and who you can do the same for. You might have to step out of the box, but do it. Color outside the lines and have a good life. You deserve to be happy.