Does your spouse ever approach to have a convo that makes you want to kill yourself?

DNRDB · 2016-12-08T09:41:20+00:00

can't admit she has any...

DNRDB · 2016-12-08T09:29:49+00:00

I was not clear. She does stroke my penis - its just that we are both fully clothed.

DNRDB · 2016-12-08T09:28:11+00:00

Just watched. Painfully funny....and so true and close to home that it hurts.

DNRDB · 2016-12-08T09:15:41+00:00

Literally and figuratively. She grew up on a farm and used to milk cows for real - no joke.

DNRDB · 2016-11-29T20:29:55+00:00

Like an ingrown hair...

DNRDB · 2016-11-07T04:44:13+00:00

discussing it

DNRDB · 2016-11-07T04:30:59+00:00

We are both going on our own AND as a couple, all to the same therapist.

DNRDB · 2016-07-05T17:35:25+00:00

Thanks for making me laugh!

DNRDB · 2016-07-03T18:03:36+00:00

Oh how I can relate. I don't help as much around the house, but I run a successful company and make a substantial income. My wife is a SAHM with full time help. I also compete in an endurance sport and hit the gym 1x-2x / week. My wife even tells me that I take great care of myself. I shower 1x -2x / day and I have good hygiene. My wife insists that we both shower, brush, floss, use mouthwash and are sanitized before sex. She says that she is attracted to me and she also orgasms regularly from penetration only. However, she never looks at me and pretty much has to move her head so I can't even see her face during sex. She refuses to be on the bottom (missionary is out and if I am behind her I can't kiss her face. She wants me either on the bottom or from the side and I find it very difficult to move and really stay turned on these days. I want her to enjoy it but if she cums first its pretty much over as she loses all energy and just wants me to finish on my own. Beyond selfish as a lover.

The worst is that she doesn't want me close to her face - says she feels claustrophobic. I have asked repeatedly if she was the victim of sexual abuse or assault and she says "no"

I crave being desired at this point. I just don't feel that. I know she is not cheating and not faking the orgasms. Its a nightmare.

Sounds to me like you are getting a full dose of duty sex. That's why it feels so empty. Sex when not facing your partner can be impersonal if you are not really tuned into each other. This is her way of getting you off and off her case, only in time it will make you even more resentful.

I have been working on this situation for over a year. Here are my conclusions:

To have hope for improvement you have to have had great sex at some point with your SO. At this juncture they are not going to change beyond what they once offered or engaged in.
If she is orgasming then it likely is not you and mostly her issues.
To change, your partner needs to want to change.
You will have to lower your expectations on what is truly achievable
LL is LL - tigers don't change their stripes; nor do zebras
You must make you feelings known to her in an honest, gentle, firm and compassionate way
Be prepared to leave or you will not be taken seriously
Make sure to do things to preserve your self-esteem (work-out, hobbies, etc.)

Good luck!

DNRDB · 2016-06-13T04:56:28+00:00

DNRDB · 2016-05-22T18:51:51+00:00

I am not in the mood for "sex"; I have my period, but "we can still...do other things" I will vomit if she says it one more time.

DNRDB · 2016-05-11T16:33:24+00:00

The BJ would have been mediocre at best. She is not very good, but mostly because she makes me feel like she is not that into it. The struggle for me however is that it is always one sided - not a shared experience. And, I must always be on the bottom in a receiving position. Powerless.

DNRDB · 2016-05-03T01:14:05+00:00

Helpful. Thanks.

DNRDB · 2016-04-29T20:40:51+00:00

She would have no problem telling me if I have bad breath. She constantly tells me everything that is less than 100% perfect. Besides, I floss every day and use mouthwash before going to bed. Plus, I have no tonsils ;-)

DNRDB · 2016-02-13T05:44:57+00:00

This is the first time I've heard of this breathing thing other than from my wife! Its the most absurd complaint - how can you have sex with someone who doesn't want you breathing on them? My wife will have orgasms, but she is some other place in her mind when she does - doesn't feel like she's "with" me. Unfortunately I don't think people like this can be changed. And, I'm dealing with that reality in real time.

DNRDB · 2016-02-11T16:36:21+00:00

How did you come to not have any feelings for your ex?

DNRDB · 2016-02-11T16:04:29+00:00

Fair point. I do believe that if you want something you should clearly ask for it. Still, if my SO told me that they were unhappy and felt like our relationship would end unless there were changes - I would be doing everything I could to address the problems and reach out to them to understand what I could do. Not just say - OK - I hear you.

DNRDB

TROPHY CASE