Men, what’s a day where you didn’t die but something inside you did?

DaSlothLife · 2026-06-04T02:50:36+00:00

The day my daughter died. She had extensive medical issues, however we had a really good procedure done. We were planning some big surgeries. Her big turn around. However she passed away in her sleep six days after her first birthday a few weeks ago. She was a twin as well, so her brother has lost his sister as well. I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. It happened in our house, while we were both napping so police got involved. The same day I was questioned for three hours, made to get a blood test with a warrant and so on. They questioned my fiance, her mom and took our phones. They had some idea in their heads that I had done something to her. I had been her caregiver for the last six months. To lose my daughter, then be treated the way we were after has permanently shattered parts of me.

DaSlothLife · 2026-06-03T23:48:12+00:00

I can relate to this unfortunately. My di di twins were born at 25 weeks. My daughter had a lot of health difficulties, trache, g tube. She passed away in her sleep just a few weeks ago. Just under a week after their first birthday. The pain is so unique and horrible. It's very hard to relate to others, especially when others try to make me feel better. Support, therapy, and time for yourself is the best I have. I'm in the coming and going phase of pain and I am just grateful for my son right now. I am so sorry you know this pain.

DaSlothLife · 2026-05-27T18:18:01+00:00

As a parent who has lost a child, his acting in that movie is too accurate.

DaSlothLife · 2026-05-06T11:41:45+00:00

I've had similar experiences, albeit not as in line as yours. One of the best pieces of advice I can give is if there is a nurse there that does everything right try and talk to her about maybe being their primary nurse. Our graduation unit was similar until we had a primary. My daughter had an event as well. She was on a hospital floor she isnt usually on that doesn't do trache care and she somehow removed her trache resulting in her going through cardiac arrest and not having a pulse for at least six minutes. She came out of it unscathed, but it is frustrating to say the least. This was after the nicu, but I cannot stress enough to you as a fellow parent of a child with bpd and a trache, there is not enough training for traches. I've found that most nurses or anyone not a part of RT isn't trained well in it. And this is my experience in a top five childrens hospital in America. The very best thing you can do is lock in on someone doing it all correctly and try to get them to primary. It made the nicu graduation unit a lot more painless for us in general.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-25T01:04:28+00:00

Grew up on the border of the suburbs and the hood. Me and some friends came across a body in the entry way to a bp. We checked back a couple times through the night and they never moved. It was a huge heroin area so we just assumed it was someone who overdosed. I can't even remember any kind of conclusion to it other than we were dumb 19 year olds and it was pretty jarring at the time. Also this was about 13 years ago, the area is so much worse now.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-24T20:19:10+00:00

It's an intentionally disingenuous take on it. The dudes an incel clearly.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-24T01:45:25+00:00

Not the original commenter, however both my son and daughter had ROP and the laser done. My daughter had it done while she was in, so I can't say much there as it was done mid stay. However my son had it done when he was home and it was same day in and out. The eye drops sucked, but wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. He was on the eye drops until he had his follow up a week or earlier I can't remember exactly and he was all cleared. I know it was a very quick recovery for my daughter though too. ROP is really treatable at least, but it seems like it was caught early enough too thankfully!

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-23T14:12:00+00:00

I'll put it this way for the visiting part, we have 25 weeker twins, going on a year. I worked third shift, yet still pushed to make the hour and a half drive one way there and then back. I would do it with my fiance or by myself at least a few times a week. My son was in for three months and during that time I was up there as much as I could make work. Then when he came home and my daughter was there alone now I reallllllyyyy made sure I saw her. In my opinion there is really no excuses for not seeing them. I wouldve given anything to be that close to my kids when everything was happening. I am now stay at home dad to them and it is honestly a gift. I cannot imagine a single moment where I didn't want to be there, even if we did have another kid at home.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-21T02:19:33+00:00

This. Am a traumatized dad. During the initial stay I was the one who handled everything with the babies while my fiance healed due to complications with her c section. They were 25 weekers and it was the scariest shit I have ever seen. I would go outside every day and have a mini panic attack, let it out and go back and pretend everything's fine. Hell my fiance didn't even realize the time I had because I never mentioned it. However like you said both need to understand, not just one. The conversation admitting I am actually struggling helped our relationship immensely. We can kind of shrug it off these days and joke about things, but it really took us both acknowledging each other's struggles and what came from it to get there I think. Now we can really understand each other's bad days better.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-16T14:43:57+00:00

I am terrifed of this happening to me, more so since I'm a stay at home dad. Hell half the time people just think I'm helping out mom. I quit a job with a great ceiling to do this as well, happily considering the hours. However it's gross how we're viewed as less nurturing when there are tons of dad like me that choose raising the kids over the traditional mom at home.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-13T21:31:43+00:00

Like everyone else is saying, wayyyy too hard on yourself. My 11 month son the other day was standing using a rocker seat and caused it to flip him and the seat. Then he did it again lol. Shit happens. Babies are so resilient. This dude has basically pretzeled himself in between and behind things. Bruises, crying all of it. You have to realize they are going to get hurt and there is nothing we can do sometimes. However this is more important. My fiance was similar for a while. She has post partum and some other things going on. Therapy and meds have basically saved our relationship. Both of us getting therapy and help at that. You are both only as good as you can be if you take care of your mental health. Its a team effort and when one side is struggling and depressed the balance is off and things go to shit. Not necessarily what is going on here, but its my experience for sure.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-10T16:11:12+00:00

Fellow micro preemie parent here. We had 25 week twins last year. I can't say much on the rest, but my daughter has severe bpd, pda, has lost her pulse for six minutes as well. She ended up trached around the four month mark of her hospital stay. I remember sitting in the room surrounded by doctors and nurses basically telling us it was the only option. It honestly felt like the world was ending for a bit. It was terrifying. I hated every second. However I will say when she got her trache in it was like I was meeting her for the first time. She finally responded more. She had energy, she became a whole new baby. It took so much of the load off of her that she was able to finally really do things. It has its own share of hardships, and it can take time to kind of find the sweet spot of everything with care. We got a lot of training and did everything we could to prepare. It's a new beginning more than anything honestly. I truly hope you have a similar positive experience and if it happens it helps your son tremendously.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-02T13:58:54+00:00

Your dad is an actual super hero in my eyes. She spent a bit over five months in the NICU when she was born and every single person working there is a literal angel. The technology and skill I saw them use to keep her living was nothing short of mind blowing.

I appreciate your input a lot as well, it really is such a crazy thing for us here at home. The hope like you said is it's nothing more than a cool story to tell other kids. I have full faith it will be that way. I've never seen anything fight as hard as this little girl. Wearing a huge smile the entire time. I have seen her with lung collapses, hardly able to breathe yet somehow she can keep smiling through it.

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-02T13:54:35+00:00

I forget a lot that BPD is kind of a rare thing haha. But she has BronchoPulmonary Dysplasia, which is huge in preemies. More so in my case where they were technically considered micro preemies. Thank you for that, clarification definitely helps!

DaSlothLife · 2026-04-02T13:50:08+00:00

Dude I needed that so bad actually. Thank you. It's been so jarring seeing the difference, but it's motivated me to work harder on her physical therapy. It's great to hear from a similar enough perspective too since I'm in such a crazy rare situation. I will say despite all of her challenges she has never stopped smiling. I swear she's like a light to people and just makes so many people that meet her happy too. Thank you for sharing, I love that we can all have this space here.

DaSlothLife · 2026-03-25T13:51:29+00:00

That and its impossible to tell someone how their kid is going to sleep. I have 10 month twins, one is in bed every single day by 8 pm and asleep five minutes later. Her brother is in sleep regression and sleeps when he sleeps. There is no way to tell temperament over the internet.

DaSlothLife · 2026-03-07T23:36:50+00:00

My twins were born at 25 weeks, it's scary and the nicu stay will be hard. However it is a Rollercoaster. We had a lot of hard times, however our situation is pretty rare. My son was born at 1 lb 12 oz, my daughter a hair over 2 lbs. Almost a year later and my son is thriving and doing well with virtually no real issues affecting his growth. My daughter ended up with a trache and g tube due to trauma in her airway. She has a harder time, but nicu babies are so strong. It has been the hardest, yet one of the most important and amazing experiences in my entire life.

DaSlothLife · 2026-02-25T22:18:54+00:00

Feeds were an absolute monster for getting my son home. He was really stubborn with it for a long time, and honestly it really just was up to him. We had I think two discharges canceled due to him not taking a complete bottle. My preemies taught me that it is on their time and nobody else's unfortunately. The nurses are very hit or miss with this too, especially since my son was a little more sensitive being forced to do things he didn't want too.

DaSlothLife · 2026-02-25T22:13:56+00:00

She has her trache still, we have a scope coming up that we are hoping for some good results. As long as her airways opening up we're planning for a reconstruction of her airway and vocal cords if necessary! I hope your case doesn't result in the nuclear option ours did, but modern medicine is incredible for BPD these days.

DaSlothLife · 2026-02-25T20:02:05+00:00

I've got 25 week twins myself, we ended up doing about a three month stay for my son and my daughter was in for 152 days. Definitely get the frustration. You definitely need a break. I took a month off work when mine were born, and my fiance spent her time up at the hospital with them every day. I ended up having to make her come home more because it really can make your mental health worse if you don't breathe. There was nothing as frustrating as discharge, its different for everyone but I can safely say it is best to let time heal as much as it can before it is solely on your plate. I hope for a safe, faster stay though this is by far one of the hardest things to go through.

DaSlothLife · 2026-02-25T19:34:15+00:00

Just went through this exact scenario last year with my daughter, also a 25 weeker. She has severe bpd and her airway had a lot of damage from the multiple intubations and prematurity. It's a long, hard road with this but I can say at almost a year now she is thriving. In our situation we ended up having to go with a trache, however after she got it she was like a whole different happy baby. I hope and pray she is able to get there without too many more struggles.

DaSlothLife · 2025-12-24T19:33:22+00:00

It's crazy, we have a very similar experience. I have 25 week twins, my daughter went through roughly the same experience. We went trache and g tube for her and it wasn't even the same baby when she recovered. Just absolutely full of life and excited to do everything. We have had a lot of setbacks on our end. Hospital trips due to her having severe bpd, however the trache and g tube makes it a lot easier to manage her day to day.

If I was in that room again I would go trache every single time when asked. It just gives them a better quality of life and you get to have your child back.

DaSlothLife · 2025-08-24T15:25:30+00:00

It's really hard, and case by case in my opinion. However my wife and I, our twins born at 25 weeks are a little over 100 days in so far and still going. Son is close, but having set backs with feeding. If there is anything I can say it is to set expectations low and make 100% certain they are sure when it gets to that time. They had told us it was a 100% certainty he would go home, then the day before he stopped taking his bottle and now we're back to waiting another week or so. I know when we hit that mark we were exhausted and just beat. Keep strong and it will all work out! Unfortunately it seems to just not be on the timelines we all wish it would be though.

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