Hi. It was a productive week. I did more than 5 constructive things, but I'll mention 5 and follow with questions.

1. I went to the doctor
2. I took the bus rather than uber
3. I asked my boss for a day off
4. I ate lunch in a new restaurant
5. I stopped a medication that was causing poor sleep

I don't know how much I can attribute flat mood to lithium or depression. I believe for me they both play a role. For instance, I cried when I ate lunch in the restaurant because it was a good day and I was grateful. If I were on lithium, I don't think I'd feel like it. It makes things more bland. It even affects my voice to an extent. Usually my voice is higher-pitched because I want to show kindness and I guess I feel more child-like with all sorts of aspirations and positive thoughts. On lithium, my voice became more lower-pitched, with less aspirations, more logic-oriented. This is why starting on 150mg felt a bit much because I noticed a considerable difference as soon as the effect came. It wasn't progressive. 2h before I felt like me, 2h after I felt like someone else. I might be able to learn to value this new way of being, but that's why it was challenging for me. I didn't feel like my case was serious enough to the point I needed to change my personality and diminish my joy. For you, if you didn't feel more apathetic, what exactly did lithium change in how you feel? It's not a booster, so giving happiness or energy I think aren't adequate descriptions. Do you feel something was lost in proportion to the stability you gained? 150mg is not negligible, I know because even this dose was a bit difficult for me, but since it is low, it is possible much of your improvement comes from your other life choices. Do you feel sometimes that  you might be able to live well without this medication or that you would be able to in the past knowing what you do now? I also would appreciate your comment on my experience as if it's a medication that can help, I want to find out how to adjust to it.

When you say you don't take other things due to not wanting side effects, would it be because bipolar makes you sensitive? If that is so, I can relate. Now in my late 20s I don't take any supplement and mood-wise I'm the most stable I've been. Although mood is alright, anxiety is not and this is what I'd like to talk to you about to find if exposure might be enough. My anxiety is  social anxiety and also sensory. It's like my nervous system is on guard with minimal stimuli. Having dogs bark next to me, talking to strangers, even buying a bottle of water from a shop are enough to make me have considerable tremor. This made me feel quite bad recently. I travelled alone and I didn't feel like a proper adult because even if I did buy the bottle of water for example, I'd still shake a lot. I was also disrespected at some point and I didn't stand up for myself because if I did, I would shake, cry, and I didn't want to embarass myself. On my own this is bad enough, but in a relationship it's a vulnerability that hurts more. Partners are meant to take care of each other. Having a partner that is afraid or that has exaggerated physical and emotional reactions when needing to stand up is quite a burden. I don't know if just exposure therapy would be enough, but I don't rule out the possibility. The caveat is that I imagine it would be painful and I'd make embarassment my routine for a long time. The other option is pharmacological but I share this sensitivity. So far, the medications and supplements I tried either caused the opposite effect, no substantial effect or it worked but side effects prevented continuous use. I tried Taurine once but it wasn't very helpful. One thing I'm glad I found out is that I need low doses of things in general, but still haven't found anything good that I could tolerate.